Why does everything always go wrong?

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I have no friends nearby and no partner, so tend to get quite lonely and unhappy. I've made friends on this forum, who are all great, but they're so far away that I don't get to see them and spend time with them . If I spend too much time by myself, I get quite upset and end up with blocked sinuses, so it feels like I'm suffocating. I've tried to do things to fix the problem (like joining groups on meetup.com) so I can get out and meet people but that hasn't seemed to work; in fact things tend to end up going wrong. Some examples:

There was a group that was supposed to have monthly movie events and I joined and signed up for a film I really wanted to see. A few days before it was supposed to happen, the event disappeared from the website with no explanation from the organiser. I tried emailing the person and still haven't gotten a response; it was over a month ago so I'm not holding my breath. I don't know what I could possibly have done wrong, since I'd not been to the group before and hadn't met the organiser or anyone else there :/.

One day, I went to a group's event and met someone there that I'd seen at another group. We were hanging out at after we left the event and so I thought things were going well. I tried to exchange phone numbers, but he wasn't interested and I also thought he was using me just to kill time before seeing one of his friends.

More recently, I joined a different website made for meeting people and had to pay to use some of the features. The website wouldn't take my payment, even though I got all the details correct. Why won't they take my money?

Clearly, I'm doing something wrong or am just not entitled to being happy. However, I have no idea what I'm doing or why that is, so I'm stuck, as I have been for my entire life. I'm sick and tired of banging my head against the metaphorical brick wall, but unless someone can tell me what's wrong with me, or help me to figure it out myself, I'm just going to be stuck. I hate this .

I feel the same way, and AM the same way, except I honestly don't have any friends on this forum. Well, maybe one who's half of a friend but that's it.

I personally only have a few, but I know that new friends can pop up in the most unlikely places sometimes. Even the cashier or bagger-person at the supermarket can be a friend if you find some common interest with them; so don't give up with your search.

can i ask - why not use facebook/myspace/diaspora et al?

I can't speak for z3n up there, but in my case it's full of fake people and people who only wanna be friends with "normal" people (i.e., not me).

hang in there radio man

I have AS too and sometimes I feel it can seem that way sometimes too. I have trouble socializing with people and in term it makes hard for me to feel content sometimes because I love connecting with people and it's hard when you often feel like you can't because of the social struggles. The feel gets multiplied when I walk down the street, or around people who have fun because they always have something to say and discuss, not feeling nervous, and feeling like all these people, the average joe, have multiple places where they feel like the belong and feel accepted just because they can socialize intuitively. Putting that aside, it's also hard accepting the other parts of having AS sometimes too, such as struggling in school and finding a job because of my struggle in fallowing directions, concentrating, and making inferences. I feel like im a smart person, and have special talents to offer to this world that can enrich my life but I feel they are getting "cut off" or blocked because of the other undesirable AS getting in the way. At times, it can really make me feel really BLUE and sometimes almost even look at all the other getting by easier without struggle with distain, especially when they look down at me from struggling in these areas. It can make me feel very hopeless and that i'm getting the short end of things. But I find you can always snap out of the negative feelings. I try to think about the positive. I try to give my self credit for what I have done and the effort that I have made. I understand that if people truely did understand me and where my struggles lye, people would be very impressed at what I have done in working through it and I'm sure they would feel the same way about you. Even though it's hard sometimes, just remember there are other people like you. There are other people that can relate to you and going through the same struggles as you too. Just hang in there! No matter how hard and how bad life can see, you can always be happy and enjoy life. It's all about perspective.

Because they're all wretched hives of scum and villainy? That's my experience, anyway.

Sigh . Why is it all anyone can say is "hang in there"? Other people tell me (effectively), "it doesn't matter". There is a problem and it needs fixing; doing nothing won't help. Where do I go for help to fix it? .

Well, our position as internet users places us in a position where we are not really able to offer anything more than words of wisdom or sympathy. As much as we'd like to help you, there isn't anything most of us can say that you wouldn't find on a hundred different websites. At least if you come here you don't have to worry about some immature guttersnipe giving you the business. (And if that does happen, 99% of the time it was an aspie being an aspie and they weren't really trying to insult anyone. It just came off that way.)

Your problem is a problem that a lot of us have. We're bad at socializing, we're lonely and we don't know how to fix it or even if we can. It isn't so much that we don't want to help you, it's just that most of us here have the same problem you do and we don't know how to handle it, either.

But if we do figure it out, well certainly share our findings with our esteemed colleagues.

I find my interests typically distract me for a while when I'm feeling especially lonely. Also posting on this site, even though no one can really help me (exchange my brain for a better one, for example), it gives me a feeling of companionship.

Do you have an interest that can fulfill you for the time being? I find online games, crafts, and creative pursuits to be the most effective.

Start a free trial on World of Warcraft, learn to play an instrument, take up painting, write a story, start a journal, find out what makes you happy. Then build your social circle around your hobbies. I'm not going to sit here and tell you it's easy because it isn't.

What are you good at now? is there something you can enjoy doing by yourself that you can become very good at and share with others when you meet them? Like say if you like to draw and take a class, you'll meet people that like to draw and maybe someone will want to hang out and draw with you, which leads to other people noticing your work and you get to talk about it....

Me, I play video games at the ripe old age of 35 and fail pretty badly at the social scene there but have beaten heroic modes on my main characters and am sought out to group with based on my abilities, not personality. It's okay to be the 'Quiet, crazy dps mage that never dies to standing in fire' in World of Warcraft IF and only IF I don't equate that with failing in real life at a social scene. Get me?

Edited: I actually said personalities above, and considered leaving it as that's how I feel most of the time! but yeah, I have to correct my grammar.

Sweet Pea hugs