Social Anxiety / AS driving me to suicide

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I have enormous anxiety issues and depression because of that. I'm terrified of people and crowded areas make me panic and feel severely ill, sometimes to the point of nearly fainting. My social skills are terrible. I can't look people in the eyes, I fumble on words and screw up conversations. It's a mess. I feel like it's something I'll never be able to get over, and am too depressed/anxious to see a doctor for help. My parents make it even worse. They'll promise to help or see a doctor with me (because I can't do it alone), but then change their minds at the last minute, instead blaming me and stating that I just need to "get over it".
When I try to vent my frustrations online, my parents hack into my computer and read my history and chat logs. They now often shame me for doing so much as releasing my pent up emotions in any way. They're convinced I'm faking my anxiety so I can stay at home.

I've already attempted suicide a few times already. I'm seriously thinking of trying again, since I'm probably going to be kicked out soon anyways. I tried joining the Navy, but they didn't want me because of my depression diagnosis. Now I'm trying to get into Job Corps, since they have programs that will help train me so that I can get a job and move out. If that doesn't pan out, I don't know what I'll do. I can't afford to see a doctor (and am terrified of doing so anyways). All I know is that I can't simply get over whatever I have, and don't know any way out except through dying. My parents are well aware that I've tried to kill myself before, but either don't believe that either or don't care.

Is there someone else, friend or family that can go with you to the doctor? If not, call to make an appointment, and stress that you have extreme anxiety and would like to request that the meeting be something you are more comfortable with. The doctor may be willing to come to your house or do a phone consultation.

Once you are diagnosed, you can look into job programs for people with disabilities.

Yikes, it doesn't sound like you are getting the support that someone with severe anxiety deserves. Luckily I have a mother who is well educated and would never blame me or say I need to get over my biological problems (as if we all have switches to switch off portions of our brain.) I am getting help with finding a job.

All I can say is do the best you can, whatever you think you need to do to save your life and turn it around, just don't let anyone tell you it's your fault for living life on hard mode. People with anxiety/depression are wired differently, and there isn't much anyone can do about it besides positive thinking (which will help to an extent,) and being humble and accepting of yourself until you can support yourself and live the kind of life you want to live.

I wish you best of luck with your issues, Lazoriss. I know it's not easy going through all that turmoil. I know. I've been there. They say exercise feeds the body and fuels the spirit. I guess that's something worth looking into.

your parents should take it seriously. its a serious matter. this is pretty odd. the things they do are just making things worse. i can see that. does not sound good at all.

social anxiety can be a like a nightmare. maybe you should try to focus on things in your life that does not involve being social. there is often much that has to be done to get over that kind of anxiety, a lot of work. in some way or another you should get to that point where something actually can help you. i dont know how you can reach that point without talking to a doctor or a psychologist. it must be some way where you live that this is possible? you are in a very serious situation, everyone of us can see that, i hope you can take this as seriously as it is yourself, even though your parents can't, and try to do something about it. if you manage to communicate this to other people, like a doctor or a psychologist or some kind of aid, it can be very rewarding for you. it's worth a try. it's up to you. someone must help you out of it.

many of us has been in i similar situation, we know how you feel, hope you get out of it.
sometimes you just have to forget about the people around you, it's your life. and your life is very important. me and others who have been in a situation where we was on the verge of committing suicide know how important our life is. I hope you understand that. it can get better.

I think if you can move out then do it. I definitely think that's worth focusing what energy you can on 'escape' plans at the moment. I'm really sorry your parents aren't taking your feelings more seriously as SA and depression do need medical attention and the sooner you can see someone the better. I also grew up with SA and depression and my mum always refused to acknowledge I needed psychological and medical help even though I attempted suicide and was self harming from a young age. She used to make me feel guilty and ashamed too, I think partly through not knowing what to do and not wanting doctors to think she was an unfit mother. I managed to leave home to go to uni and I can honestly say it was the best thing I could have done at the time. Luckily I didn't need to go for an interview and got a loan to study. They'll always be people who believe SA and depression is something a person can 'just get over', but once you take baby steps into the world you'll meet others who have been through similar and who value your mental wellbeing. It's a slow process but you can do it Lazoriss, you recognise something's not right and you will see that doctor and get help one day, you just need to take care of yourself in the meantime so it can happen. Try to picture how you'd like life to b. Keep in mind the things you haven't experienced yet, places you might like to see, etc. Allow yourself to dream and don't get too hung up on the details just yet. Keep venting on here also if it helps.

Sweet Pea hugs