What is more cruel?

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I think I should have been killed at birth...

I have 50 more years to live confined to my home, unable to have a job, sick, alone, even on x-mass... because my family find me too tragic and just want to have fun and never wanted me in the first place because I was apparently an accident.

Been bullied, cried everyday, had massive diarrhoea because I was so terrified to go to school...

Studied mega hard, to be irreproachable... got hated for that... got refused at work because they prefer to have fun with similar people... than someone who's like a robot doing perfection... because I either make people look bad, or they yell more and more at me so I'd desperately give more... until my organs started to shut down and I could barely walk...

Doctors refused to pass tests on me even thought I brought medical proof, saying that it,s my personality, my identity as a human, that is sick.

I got assaulted 4 times the same day.
The police told me I can't possibly go through that much and must be a junkie, insane, or both... as if that wouldn't deserve an investigation even if I was...

I can't even post on forums without being harassed, bullied...

I am afraid to go out of my home just to get food...

80 years... of agony... or being tortured to death a few minutes...

Being burned was merciful.

Last edited by LisaOfShades on 12 Aug 2012, 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm so sorry you feel this way and that you've had such a hard time. I've read a lot about happiness recently and it seems that the best way to find it is to enhance your strengths and downplay your weaknesses as much as possible.

Of course sometimes the weak parts of us are exactly what the world says we must engage. But I've learned to just plough through those times and know that they're temporary and I can then get back to doing what I'm good at.

(Thread moved from PPR to The Haven)

Note: PPR is for debating hot political and religious topics and is not the appropriate forum for expressing personal angst.

Thank you.
I tried to focus on my strenght but then people yell at me for it... tried to improve, people complain even more... people are never happy, because they chose to look at the negative... that's what I struggle with right now. I'm usually happy... but right now... 50 years of being completely isolated sounds too much...
People are so nice here so far...

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Hi mod, weird that you didn't ban me... I read that people get banned just for typos... so I have a strong phobia since I haven't been in one for a long time...
I like your avatar.
I wrote about sadness so I thought it belonged here... but yeah sounds right.
Where is my poll? I'll try to edit that.

Nobody gets banned for typos! If you haven't read the site rules you may want to familiarise yourself with them:
Site rules: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt12459.html
Terms of service: http://www.wrongplanet.net/tos.txt

Personal sadness is appropriate for The Haven but if you want to discuss sadness as a philosophical concept then it would be appropriate to post in PPR.

Welcome to WP.

Nope, not their choice to make.

It wouldn't be bad if there was an option for a painless death and some professional help for those who have had enough. If you don't want to continue you should be able to end your life peacefully and on your own terms. I doubt anyone prefers jumping in front of a train over a needle.

Hope you'll find your way...

Don't worry so much about pleasing people. That is my worst weakness, a perpetual need to please others, and it backfires on me because they are never pleased even when I work hard to please them. I gave up a long time ago and decided it was more important to be the best I could in my view, regardless of theirs. I'm much happier that way.

It could be a problem of where you live, too. Even two different schools across town from each other, seemed worlds apart when I was young. I went to one where I was admired for being intelligent. Then moved to one where everyone was into sports, and smart kids were considered freaks. I was miserable there, got depressed, stopped even trying that hard in school for a long time. But later I was in schools where it was encouraged to be good at academics and my not trying had become a habit so I had to get over that! If pleasing people is too important to you it makes you wind up just confused!

If you are intelligent - enjoy it! You are blessed and the harder you work at it, the more you'll shine. If there are idiots around you who can't appreciate that - ignore them!

My brain has started to age and I can't learn new things as quickly now, so I wish I had never listened to the lords of stupidity.

That was a pretty hard to answer question, took me a couple minutes to decide, but I ended up saying being killed was more cruel. You would have no chance to experience anything or make a choice yourself, denied the chance of happiness or fulfillment. While both are undeniably cruel, I lean toward death.

I find neither option to be particularly desirable.

Still an auto-da-fé has a certain literary romanticism to it, whereas a life long mental patience is rarely placed in a favorable light. (And often eats bugs or.....worse.)

Actually anyone truly suicidal will usually end their the first chance they get. 2 people I knew did it that way.
His idea was to light himself - tried to drown themself (got caught), Get drunk (lived), Got drunk and drove into a tree (almost died), He succeeded when he got high
Another person Idea shock themself: Crashed their car (lived), Jumped infront of a truck (the truck saw them), died when they shot them self

Well at least here nobody will bully you.

Fortunately I never had that problem being bullied at school, because I ignored that I had to be more normal
But knowing the social rules is really important, too.

When I was in school I just ignored any attempt to bully me, I guess.
I just didn't care, just I was wondering every now and then how strange that was that people like to bully others.
You just don't gain nothing from that and send others to hell

But I also didn't have much contact with others and that was really bad
If I now look back I would have liked to be more social back then.
Because now I have here and there some really big holes in my social skills.

So that you try to be more like them is not necessarily bad, but being bullied of course is.
If you get older this will most probably get better

I am lucky that I am working at the university. The people here are more intelligent and don't bully anybody.
I think that they don't see any advantage for themselves in that.

I clearly vote for tortured for 80 years being much worse than getting killed/fried,

but, of course you have an option to escape it, now that you came here and get maybe some clue why you are the way you are
if you are young you have a good chance to develop to a well integrated person.
Get your diagnose and try to explain it to your parents.

That was actually the most shocking I found, that your parents refuse to accept you the way you are.

When you are elder like me and you first realize who you are this is pretty bad experience
when you begin to understand why you were the way you were and how stupid you were....

Good luck. I think you'll need this

I am sorry to hear that your life has been so difficult. However, I think that you will find that your experiences are the norm, not the exception among people on Wrong Planet. Many of the things you posted resonate with me and my life as well. As far as being banned, the only way that happens here seems to be if you have shown a pattern of being abusive and disrespectful to other members. No one here is perfect, we all miss the occasional typo and it isn't counted against you.

So hypothetically, if society does want you, you will never be burned So you can have all of the top option, and never be burned

* hug*

I was beaten with belts, yard sticks and wooden spoons by my mother because I cried, even after he was told my my doctor that i was different from other children. She also called me a freak. There are days when I can't live with those memories and I cannot afford anyone to help me work through them.

I cried and begged her to stop hitting me but that didn't deter her.

Now that is ...

getting twice punished without a reason. Totally inacceptible

But of course still she is your mother.
And you are probably wondering heavily how she could go so wrong.

Obviously parents can loose their nerves with people like us, but beating is just so wrong how it can be.
Even worse though that in that situation one cannot explain.

I would have cried because of the misunderstanding of my mom and not because of the beating
So from her (whatever kind of weird) perspective she simply wouldnt have gotten me calm without beating me unconscious.

I never experienced any physical abuse, but I know this kind of thinking from other situations of misunderstanding by my mother.
Those have been quite bad to me
Any chance that your mother is also on the spectrum and was just totally overstrained by your aspie like behaviour?

Not that it would be any excuse, but it could be an explanation...

Very very sorry to hear...

How can it be you are not able to get support without having to pay too much... ?