Feels like I'll never get help.

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I've been feeling like s**t for as long as I remember. I don't remember what it feels like to feel peaceful and/or happy. My biggest problems are social issues, anxiety, feeling down and having a hard time identifying and handling my emotions. I should've talked to someone years and years ago but I was too scared and too proud back then (also, I didn't start suspecting AS until two years ago). I finally started seeking help in January but for several reasons I haven't been able to see a professional yet.

The professionals I've been in contact with keep sending me to other people before even meeting me. Happened again about an hour ago. The woman I spoke to told me to get a new GP and speak to him/her first (my last GP didn't help me at all). I feel like I'll never get help and IF I actually do get help I'm scared they say I'm "just" depressed which wouldn't explain much.

This whole thing makes me even more anxious and right now I feel like I'll soon be going in to a shutdown (which contains staring at a wall, refusing to speak, not standing anyone touching me and perhaps hitting my head. I hate this. I feel so low. On top of that I'm waiting to see if my referral to get assessed for AS will get approved. I'll know within three weeks.

I don't know what to do. Any advice?

My advices are SSRI,
doing stuff that usually helps people with AS(there are many sites out there for example, at least I find many in Norwegian, if you're stuck in some way maybe you'll get some help out of typing "asperger kari steindal" in search on vimeo.com. It's a lecture on cognitive difficulties with Aspergers texted in English),
start to do things you enjoyed when you were younger, no matter what they are,
talk to someone, like a nurse,
make sure you're able to be alone and can focus on your interests, if not it may still be important to make an identity around your interests so that you can acknowledge that it is ok to have your interests, it doesn't matter what people think, it must be emphazised that it is important to you etc. so that people know this and so that you can feel better,
think of the importance of getting help, it is crucial for people in your kind of situation, plus I don't think it is normal to have it like that either,
try to make sure you are able to relax,
prioritize what makes you feel better over what makes you feel worse, and try to combine

I know that you study, and in the university I attended they always stressed that if you were in that kind of situation you aren't usually able to study, and you should get help. There were many options for people having it like this, many offered by the university themselves, because it was so important to do something about this. But you always have your interests and some part of your life that makes you feel better, so you can survive any given situation, if you don't have this you need to get help fast. I don't know how slow the society around you is about this, they shouldn't make it more difficult for you. Depression is not good at all.

Sweet Pea hugs

Are you living alone in your flat? Sharing an apartment with somebody else I guess could change quite a lot. Try to connect to people.

I went so far once to an asperger support group (though people are quite different there than me) and was asking for advice for where to get the diagnosis.
That's how I got an address. But I'll have to pay that myself.

This needing a referral is really stupid, I know that from Finland as well.
Maybe you could do it like people here, when they need a quick service at the state dentist:
They just say they have incredible pain and then they get an appointment the same day.
Not for the diagnosis I guess but for other stuff if you need it

Do you have a student health care system (additionally to the state system)?
In our university we have such and there you can get a faster and better service
Students here use it instead of the state system

I think you should choose some psychiatric or psychologist to give you the referral

Crazy health care systems...

Maybe you can go to student counseling, some universities offer that even if it's not about your course of studies, and you can often get an appointment fast.
Have you tried St. John's Wort? If not, it may be worth a try (get WS 5570, e.g. Perika ..don't know which brands are available where you are).

Other than that...it's hard to help. There are many things that could help, but many of those might also not help at all. The problem lies in identifying what's wrong, then it's easier to address. Identifying the core problem isn't easy, of course, and then there are problems that are really hard to fix, unfortunately. Feel free to PM if you want to talk.