Severe loneliness

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Hi
Well I am certainly hoping that I will make strives towards independence soon and that life will start to unfold for me in some ways, which I believe it potentially is doing... I spent time learning some independent skills recently.
I'm afraid though I am insufferably lonely and have been for years... I only have one friend where I live.
I think hard... I think heavy... my thoughts are extremely raw and very emotionally charged... it's exciting when I put my mind to paper and create something via music or poetry, but the rest of the time... it's not easy... perhaps there is a flip side to my intense thinking - I like to strategize... I like to create good methods for me to use throughout the day and sometimes these methods work... perhaps I am better at problem solving and organizing than I think, but, even though I really try to celebrate Asperger's as a positive thing, I still struggle, and certainly with the sheer intensity and weight of thinking that goes on in my head.

Sometimes the thinking is pretty unbearable... being lonely and prone to depression can hurt.

Sweet Pea hugs

*hugs* I feel your pain. I have gone through this at times myself, too.....

Constant loneliness is unbearable. I have been going through it for a while, been very noticeable since I graduated highschool a couple months ago. I am happy that you can find the good out of it though , it's a very difficult thing to do.

When I was thirty years old, I used to live in Far Rockaway, Queens. My residence was a hotel room on the beach. Next door to the hotel was a ghetto apartment building where the little hoodlums used to used their guns off the roof at night. Anyway, I was lonely as can be. I mean, extremely, lonely, yes, to the point of a serious suicide attempt. I washed down 47 sleeping pills with a bottle of beer. They pumped my stomach then threw me in a psych hospital for two months. That was just about the lowest point in my life. I hate loneliness and I think I'm doomed to it forever. I've been thinking lately about "faking" normalcy and just marrying any lady that comes along. Seriously. Just fake the whole love thing. I might probably end up trying the stupid suicide thing again.

It can be relentless, and it can be heartbreaking, but I've always liked the old British phrase "Keep Calm and Carry On". I can still remember being crouched in a kitchen in the middle of the night pressing a knife to my wrist. At the time I wondered if it was being strong or being cowardly to not go through with it. I'm thankful to this day that I didn't and that there was no gun in the house.
What I took away from that was a feeling of living on borrowed time. Why throw in the towel early when there are finite days given to us? It's hard to see the good in life sometimes, but it can't hurt to keep looking...