Being social is depressing

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I have MDD, and I'm seeing a therapist (although he wants to focus on my OCD instead right now, I don't know why.)
My friends who know about my depression say one thing: just be around people! That will help you not be depressed!

I hate that.

My therapist is having me track my depression to see what's triggering it. I am noticing I get the most depressed after socializing. People make me depressed because of all the reasons of my autism that we all understand here that I can't articulate.

I feel like I'm behind glass, and people can't understand me, and I can't understand them. But they think I'm normal, apparently, they go "I could never tell you were autistic!" So stupid. Half of them don't even understand.

I just want someone to take the time to know me and get to understand me. I'm tired of being alone...and I don't mean I want some stupid romantic relationship...I just want to be....


well, there's no word for it.

Unfortunately when people hear the word "autistic" they think of the movie Rain Man or kids sitting on the floor spining car wheels oblivious to everything around them. Regular people do not understand it is a "spectrum". To be honest with you, I think they have so much other stuff going on in their lives, the thought of autisnm and what it really means is way way down on their list of priorities. Have you thought about joining a local aspergers/autism support group?

I don't mention autism to people....I just have that natural barrier that autism creates.

I tried to get in touch with a group. They never contacted me back. Appropriately.

I would suggest to try and contact the group again. Being that they are people with autism/aspergers you know they are not intensionally ignoring you. I have found my local group to be very helpful. I have gotten a lot out of it. At first I was very sceptical about going and did not think it would be a good thing but I forced myself.

Totally hear where you're coming from on the socialising front - it it a rough road. I personally don't even like leaving the house, and have cut all social contact out of my life to be able to focus on the things that I am good at - and yes, it is pretty lonely. I think the suggestion above about joining a support group is good, but you also need to figure out things to do that will make you feel good about yourself or having done them... what do you like to do? What interests do you have? How often do you indulge in them? Hopefully if you cultivate and indulge in your personal interests, you will find ways to meet other people whom you have something in common with. Good luck!

Have you considered doing things that make you happy? Irrespective of 'normal'? I don't care what people think about me playing World of Warcraft all day... it makes me happier than being around people. Yeah, people might say 'well that's avoiding things, living in a dream world' but really? Is it?

What makes you happy when you do it? Happiness is a choice we make moment to moment. I know how hard it is to see that while depressed, I really do. It seems like the entire world is full of crap but it isn't. Just one thing. Keep doing it, even if you don't feel like it. It can be as simple as washing up the dishes on a daily basis. These things do count. It's like one brick of a giant wall that will guard you against unhappiness. When I let things slip, I feel worse. Some days I don't have the energy to bother but my AS routine takes over and makes it happen and I feel better for a little while.

The richest human experience is one in which another human being truly 'gets' you. I wish it for you with all of my heart.

I'm currently trying to find that wall that will guard me.

Case in point. I have a group of friends that I am a part of. I feel like we fit together. I like them and they like me.

But there's still this separation. I go and see them, we visit, and everyone else dominates the conversation. I have so much to say and a valuable input, but they can't shut their mouths long enough to allow me to say my part. I feel isolated even with my closest friends.

I don't have much good advice to offer, but I know what you mean. Sure, I like to have friends and living a solitary life is not what I intend to do, but when I go out I feel happier walking along without making eye contact with strangers. This is why I get depressed when walking along with my mum and her sister, they have a habit of greeting everyone they pass, and when I'm with them I feel I should too, and making eye contact with a stranger who I'll never see again really sets me back and I prefer to just keep myself to myself. Strangers never speak to me anyway, even if I do make eye contact and smile.