Headed for a shutdown

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Maybe. I don't know. The only person ever to break my heart is trying to reach in and tear out the sutures. He's back on dope after more than five years without a single heroin related problem he's broke and looking sickly. I know how good it feels and I do have the dreams some nights but I never had it in me to be a real junkie.

This is difficult because this man was my best friend for ten years, so I'm not just talking about an ex. It's such a hard thing to see and it's hard to live with the decision not hold my hand out and offer him what help I can... it's hard waiting for an obituary.

My family and friends are demanding a lot socially. I gladly oblige but it's wearing me thin.

School is taking it's toll. Adding to that, a person at my college is telling people he is going to rape me, which I'm going to the school about first thing tomorrow.

My seizures are back, so I can not drive for at least a year, and that's only if I don't have anymore seizures.

Plus... lots of stuff.

Sometimes you gotta say "I can't do this and everything else."

Please pleasing to the extreme will destory you.

I'm so sorry that you have so much going on right now. Please take care of yourself.

Well maybe the drugs will kill him? Some people only care about themselves and drugs help them cope. But if you need drugs to cope you are weak. I feel bad for people who care about junkies. Never trust a junkie. You sound like a good person. Hopefully this junkie disappears from your life.

Yuck... I know how you feel - I've been there. All I can suggest is doing whatever is good for you when it comes to de-stressing. I have no idea what your "thing" is... book, hot bath, day in bed, a little drink of something... whatever works for you, just take some time to de-stress from the mess!

If you start to recover, don't take up too much of a burden all over again! Do what you have to to take care of yourself, but try not to take on all the cares of the world - no one can handle more than their limit for very long!

...and good luck. Sending you good vibes your way!

If you know you are heading for a shutdown - it is better for you to take control preemptively and set aside an entire weekend and ensure that you have no obligations and that nobody will disturb you and have a controlled shutdown.

It's better to have a controlled one than to wait until it's the middle of the week when it just happens and you end up missing multiple days of school and other things without notice.

PM me if you need an ear - it seems like there is stuff going on that is too private to post on here.

*hugs*

^^^ Yes - what she said! Nothing worse than a full-blown shutdown when you need to do something critical!

(((((hugs))))) i am sorry things are not going well. we are here for you.

Just want to clarify something Meems. What I was trying to say is I hope that you find peace and time to be alone and that you don't break down. Basically that something good happens to you today. I just don't like people hurting other people.

I used to use heroin, moreso than other drugs. I never had a problem with addiction and I'm grateful for that. It's like I'm just not wired for it. I don't wish death on him and some part of me will likely always care for him.

But we who have relied on drugs do not believe we are demonstrating strength. No worries, we know what we are and what we aren't.

The jerk threatening to rape me is suspended from school and has to complete several rounds of counseling if he wants to attend school here next semester.

School has eased up slightly. Though tomorrow I am spending all day getting as much tutoring as is available. I'm dropping most everything else and getting all my academic stuff dealt with by Thursday and then spending the weekend just hiding in my house.

Get feeling better!