Dear "You"...From "Me"-Letters Unsent

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dear you (same old you)
i'm still in my euphoric state of hypomania.
i don't want to go to bed and miss anything...
everything is so wonderfully clear...
i just wish you could see it all too.
it's quite beautiful, really.
everything that is, was and will be.
including you.
*hugs*

me.

dear you,
why aren't you here?
i'm in that place again...that bad place.
i need you to talk me down like you always do.
but i'll never ask for your help again...
you won't let me.
i won't let me.
now what am i supposed to do?
it really hurts.
i need you...
but i don't want you to help me.

me.

Dear Elise,

You were a great person already; you didn't need to make stuff up about yourself to be cool.

Dear Ally,

Nobody likes you because you're an obnoxious kiss-up, a liar, and a phony. You act like a real-life Mary Sue. And a protip: If you're going to make stuff up about yourself, at least make your lies somewhat plausible.

Dear ______,

Please make a decision on which is more important to you, MySpace or me.

Tim

Dear Will,

You are a brilliant man. You really are. There are plenty of people who spend their whole lives pursuing the kind of talent that comes to you without ever really trying. But damn, you're thick sometimes. You make me wonder how someone so smart can be so dumb. Whether you like it or not, you are still in a relationship with your 'ex' girlfriend. And whether you admit it or not, it's unhealthy and it's hurting both of you. I think it's about time for you to walk out on each other, because neither of you is any good for the other and every goddamn one of your friends can see it even though you don't. Furthermore, you're in a relationship with ME whether you like it or not. When you get to the point where you're calling me up in the middle of the night just to chat because you missed your train, or in the middle of dinner just because you want to know if you should shave for your next gig, you've gone past the 'just friends' point and entered different territory, even if you don't know what it is. And I know you're scared of kissing me, but you do it anyway. Every time we meet. And I've lost track of how many times you've fed me dinner and how many times I've crashed on your couch. One would think you could admit it by now, but no, you have to keep up the pretense of being completely single because you think everyone will hurt you as much as the last one did.

My advice to you? Move out of your squalid little flat even if you have to pay more for someplace else. I don't care if you have practically no money. You can always take more gigs and sell more CDs to fund the move... there is ALWAYS a way to earn more if you put your mind to it. And what you'll spend on a new place will be worth it because you'll no longer be languishing in a rat-infested hovel filled with unpleasant memories and terrible creeping damp. Quit the damned stowmarket choir, because it's driving you crazy working with all those old biddies who can barely make a pretense of singing, and start hiring halls and performing what YOU want to perform, because you'll be sure to make up the money and then some what with CD sales and admission fees. Go to Paris for a weekend. You're always talking about it, but you never actually do it, and it would do you good to get out of sodden old England and see some of the rest of the world for once. Buy a car, because you're going stir crazy in that nasty old flat and don't have any way to get out of the city and escape to someplace green. Quit smoking; it's bad for your voice. Quit drinking; it's not worth feeling guilty for weeks on end. Talk to your therapist about your problems with women, because I think that's where at least half of your troubles lie. Either take up with me or don't take up with me, but don't continue on in this undefined state of total confusion which is not doing anyone any good, least of all yourself.

That is all. You doof.

Dear Candace,

You are the most obnoxious 37 year old that I know. Dean, Barb, Susan and I, do not have a harem. The four of us are friends. Of course you don't know what a friend is, because you're not level enough to be friendly with anybody, without blowing your top. Do you know who you remind me of? You remind me of the way that my sister was, when she and I were both in high school. You treat me the same way now, at your age, that my younger sister treated me, during her late elementary school years and all through high school. You and my sister should have been sisters, cutting off people with disabilities and not letting them speak, saying the word, ret*d to describe all things, thoughts and people, telling people who are single to get laid, telling Dean and I to get married, when the two of us want to stay single, because it's more fun that way, because we're not tied down. You know how I hate to be tied down by rules. You know how Dean hates to be tied down by rules. You're also very sarcastic. You act like a child, many times over. You also stomp around the clubhouse, and you talk very loudly on purpose. You talk at the top of your lungs, because you know that the rest of us don't like it. You're a reminder of what I had to grow up with.

Sid

How dare you make him feel like that. You're a pathetic drunk and don't hold a candle to him. I've been fuming since I got home last night. He was nervous about being around people he didn't really know and you made him feel like an outsider who was shunned.

I haven't seen or talked to you in over eight years, yet you stare at me with this desparate look all night with my boyfriend sitting right next to me.You showed zero respect for him, me, and your sister. I would have put you in your place had it not been for her.

Let me make this clear - if I gave you an indication there was a chance in hell I'd ever date you, it was only because my ex had me so screwed in the head, I couldn't think straight. I would have attempted to spare your feelings and try to get that across without being a b***h if it weren't for your inexcusable behavior towards myself and my boyfriend both times we've been around you in the past month.

You're no better than the people we went to high school with. Obviously, you have no respect for commitment if you so blantly attempt to go after someone already in a relationship. It doesn't matter that I'm not married - I have a boyfriend I'm commited to and that makes me off limits.

I will not allow him to go through that again. Until you get over your weird fantasy about me, and treat both of us in an appropriate manner, I refuse to be around you. He comes first with me. I love your sister but this isn't just about S, it's a matter of princible.

Dear Mother,

I realize you are my mother, the one and only, and you did the best you could with what little we had. But you married a total loser, and he wrecked your life. Yet your fear of being alone and your unchecked mental illness kept you with him. You would fight when I was a kid, and I would cry. I would SCREAM and BEG for "daddy" to come back home when he would get tired of your screaming and leave. If you hated him so much, you shouldn't have stayed with him for so long.

Your filthy home, dangerous neighborhood, and piece of s**t husband are the only reasons I never stop in for a visit, even though your house is on my way to/from work. I could stop off the freeway anytime for a quick 'hello', but I can't make myself do it. Clean your house, call an exterminator, QUIT LIVING LIKE s**t! And most of all, kick that piece of crap father of mine out of your house. Get a gun for protection, but don't use it on yourself like I have always feared you would do. Or just check yourself into an institution and get the help you really need. It would be a much nicer place to live than where you are now.

You are older now, and having major health problems. Yet I was the last to hear and I had to hear it from your sister!? WHAT THE HELL!? She told me that you didn't want me to know about your medical conditions because I don't care about you and I think I am better than you. What? I try to have a decent life, a clean home, etc and I think I'm better than you just because I don't ever visit you? And don't even talk about the telephone... that's a two-way street and I have made many attempts to communicate with you that way over the past 5 years since I moved out of your house. But back to me thinking I'm better than you? Never would I say, or even think, such a thing.

I love you, mother, but part of me also hates you for who you've become and for the fact that you refuse to change. And that you actually think that I - the only of your three kids who has actually created a life worth a damn for himself - feel I'm too good for you. Shame on you!!

Your son,
Brian

Since I wrote one to my mother, I figured I might as well put one out there for my father as well.

Dear Father,

You are s**t. You are lower than low. All my life I heard stories about how you'd cleaned up your life. From being a drunken bar brawler to a clean, respectable man. RESPECTABLE? CLEAN? Clean from alcohol, maybe, but you are not a clean person. And honestly, I don't believe you've been sober all these years.

You have been arrested for stalking people and breaking into their homes, and even in the past few years! You are almost 70 years old, for crying out loud. Don't you think it's time to grow up? For whatever reason you have defied the odds. You've had more heart attacks than anyone can count, and yet you're still alive. Don't you think it would be nice of you to do something with these extra chances at life that you've been given? I don't believe in God so I don't feel some divine force has given you these chances, but you've had them nonetheless and you are still a pitiful failure. You would rather live out of others' trash cans and bring their junk home than to provide for your family.

I am finished here. The mere thought of you disgusts me to no end and I have nothing more to say to you other than that I truly do hate you for what you have done to my family.

Your son [reluctantly],
Brian

Dear Kohl's customers,

Please understand that the people who work at Kohl's are not genies. They are not magical. They do not grant wishes. Do not expect impossible things. Because if you do ask for impossible things, the only response you will get is, "no, we can't."

Dear _______,

I want you to start e-mailing me once a day again, not once a month like you have been doing.

If you don't want to be my friend anymore, just say so. Don't leave me hanging.

Dear Dino (thats me)

This is the past Dino writing to you
and telling you to shape the hell up,
or else i will go through time itself
and kick your ass! No ifs or buts
or whens, shape up or asskicking
is iminent.

Good luck.

Dino

ps: your car keys are on the floor
behind the table in the hallway

Dear Brandon,
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? Have you ever thought about how I feel when you make those aspie jokes?! I'M SORRY I HAVE ASPERGERS AND THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT!! ! Why is everything always my fault? Yeah, the botball programming won't work, would you shut up and let me fix it?

Dear Mrs.Mcdown,
You don't need to explain to me what an argument is. I'm not that stupid. I know what they are, and how they start, but I don't know how to end them without looking stupid.

Dear Nick,
HIGH FIVE BEST FRIEND, KABOOOMMMMMMM!! !! !! !!

Dear Dylan,
Don't advertise that I have aspies to the teachers!! !! !! !! ! JESUS CHRIST!! !!

Dear Erick,
I absolutely hate you SO much....

Dear myself,
You are one smart, sexy beast. Meow!

I know your watching, listening.

you know who you are.

for the longest I was confused about many things,
the whys and why not's,
then I stopped to remind my self of one vary basic thing,
your afflicted with many of the same issues I have.

you want to be free of your anxieties or of what causes them to the point of obsession,
and your growing to hate me for not letting go of what even you refuse to give up,
you do empathize ( a little) and so can not blame me, yet you do.

you want to keep the man your with yet he enforces your anxieties with his own insecurity's,
if he truly loved you he would not be doing this too you but would help you find that peace the right way.

you opened the doors to issues by wanting your freedoms and now that you have you have found you
can not have what you wanted so you hide living in constant anxieties wondering if they will ever end,

you as well as I know that time will not heal this, it takes either much contact to undo what you have created
or for you to take as much as you can get away with to reduce the anxieties levels as much as you can,

you will not get what you want, my heart and mind is set in holding close and true that which is most dear to me,
but knowing you will not accept this I have found a truth in you, you will never stop trying to find a way to strip from me
that one I hold most dear, our dispute will last forever or until he leaves home, neither of us will ever find that peace until
you learn to accept and share and be willing to come to peace with me which most likely will never happen while your with
the one your with and while your anxious about the wrongs you attempted, and I will never truly be able to forgive your
transgressions until you stop hiding and trying to take and start trying to come to peace with me with truth and sharing and open honesty..

and the shame and worst of it is, the one who will be hurt the worst by this all is our dearest,
and of this you will not care, you lack the empathy to truly care past your own needs and wants and desires
and to escape your own self created prisons of anxieties, not caring that I and others have to live in them as well..

Dear X,

Thank you for finally being yourself, so I could learn who I did not want to be, and who I did not want in my life.

Thank you for your lies, making it easier to let go and trust myself.

Thank you for leaving, as I am happier now than I've ever been before, and free to love someone who inspires me.


M.