Self Esteem Sap

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I feel like all that is me is being drained from me, and I think I can only semi-explain why. I just visited a trained psychologist for the first time ever about my condition, and she thinks she can help me, but my self esteem is starting to decline. I look at everyone around me and I can't understand why they are the way they are. I never could be normal and I've accepted that, but unfortunately I now have a longing to be the friendly one who wants everyone to love me (not in a self-centered way though, I just wish people wouldn't look at me as a creeper). I just want this thing this aspergers or ADD or schizophrenia, or whatever I want it to stop! I just want to be normal, by that I mean I want to be able to make friends like everyone else, I want to be able to seek spontaneous enjoyment like my friends do, I really want to find love. I think what's been getting me down is the fact that I met a wonderfully fantastic and amazing girl in college, and now I don't think I may ever see her again. We still go to the same college and have classes on the same day, but we aren't in any together, and now I feel like I completely f****d up! I always do! I always mess up my chances to have a girlfriend, or "be the cool kid." Why does it have to be so damn tough for us? Out of 7 billion people on the whole planet how come we had to be the ones who turned out different? All I want is to be normal... to be happy and in love.

so ask the girl out for coffee already.

Unfortunately it's not that simple in this previous post http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt221816.html I explain the dilemma I am in being from one of the smallest towns in my county and her living in a city that's about 30 miles away, me having no car, no job, and in a period of self loathing I am incredibly unsure if a romantic relationship will help my self-esteem or only exacerbate my current bout of (manic depression) I just wish life was simpler, better, and I wish I wouldn't over evaluate everything.