I feel like I'm doomed to live in social fear all my life

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People always say to me, ''the more you face up to your fears, the more you'll feel less anxious about it.'' But for me that cliche doesn't seem to work. One of my (social) fears is crowded shops, and I go in them a lot (sometimes I don't always have a choice, especially when I'm with my friend who is quite bossy, and anyway I don't like going late at night), but I find the more I go in them, the more it just feeds my fear, and makes me feel worse, actually adding a new small anxiety on to the list each time. Um, excuse me, but I thought the answer was to go into supermarkets more so that I'd become less fearful? With me it seems the more I go in them the more I become fearful and anxious, so I think the best solution is to avoid them all together, or only do it in small doses.

Also I hate waiting at a bus stop with other people standing there also waiting (the bus station is a bit different, I feel like that so much there). This is because when I first arrive at the bus stop I feel the few other people there stare at me for ages and make me feel intimidated. So I avoid that by either getting the earlier bus (meaning I have to get up much earlier), or waiting at a quieter bus stop what is right on a main road where not many people wait at. People often get on to me by saying, ''the more you avoid waiting at bus stops where other people might also be waiting, the more your fear will get worse. You need to overcome it by facing up to it.'' Again that doesn't work on me. I feel much better doing it my way by avoiding it, and if I did try to go to the more popular bus stop, I'll just be feeling awkward with everybody staring at me like I'm a freak.

I know people do have a point when they say that facing your fears can help you overcome them, and you'd think it would work, but it doesn't with me. Facing my fears just feeds the fear even more, and manifests even more anxiety. Does this only work on people who don't have emotional problems, like anxiety, panic disorder, depression, et cetera? Because I have anxiety, panic disorder and depression, and it doesn't work on me.

I suspect that a process of random desensitization is likely not to be all that successful.

For example, I suspect that throwing someone in a room full of snakes isn't going to help them become less afraid of snakes. On the other hand, there might be a chance of developing a little tolerance if someone who understood the right way to do it led them through a step by step process.

Yeah, i'm kinda the same. Many times people tell me i'm too negative or paranoic and that just piss me off, doesn't help me to see any 'alternative reality'.
Almost all the time I go out fearing that someone will say something negative behind my back or laugh because i'm clumsy, but they treat you like a freak and expect you to behave like a normal person. Some of us are just bad actors, that's all.

I think it depends on the type of fear you have. If you have a fear of something unknown or unfamiliar, then the more you expose yourself to it, the less you'll gradually fear it, because you'll become familiar with it. But if you have fear or anxiety about something because of previous bad experiences or bad feelings, then the more you expose yourself to it, the more you are making yourself remember those awful feelings and the stronger your fear will become. I would say, just from personal experience, that if you are diagnosed with anxiety, it's the second type of fear.

Whoever told you to just keep exposing yourself to your anxieties doesn't seem to know much about how debilitating and deeply rooted they are for a person...

Are you seeing a therapist or counselor or someone about these issues? If not, I think they might be able to help you out, if you can manage to find one and can afford it. If you're already seeing someone, I think you should look for a new one. If your fears are just getting worse, they're doing a bad job of helping you.

Don't worry, you're not doomed; you just have to figure out a coping method that works for you