Very Depressed

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I don't know why but for some reason I feel extreemly depressed.I have felt lonly to the point I get used to it and socially isolate myself to the point of becoming a hikkikimori only to leave the house for work.I haven't been in a serious relationship for 7 years due to the last relationship being an abusive one.I fear getting into another relationship but yet I want one and conflict with myself over it everyday.People treat me like garbage no matter how nice I am to people.Sometimes I don't see what the point is moving on anymore and that maybe its best I spend the rest of my life alone to die alone.The pain inside is coming back now and I don't know why.

Hi, I believe that these songs have saved me from slipping into depression more than once, though none of them is in English.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlzRandY22g[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx5Yx9OFiHE[/youtube]

(The world is so ridiculous; sentiments are so meaningless; I might as well ignore everything. I still have a long life ahead of me, but nothing can disturb my heart anymore because I want to stay happy for the rest of my life. I smile at people when I'm awake but I forget them all once I'm asleep. It's a pity that night arrives so soon. I don't know what my next life will be like, so I no longer obsess over whom I have loved or hated. I sing to my wine cup that I just want to stay happy for the rest of my life. I no longer want to escape from the wind no matter how cold it is. I no longer desire flowers no matter how pretty they are. I just want to be free. The sky is high but human minds are narrow. I no longer obsess about causes and effects. I just want to get drunk alone. I might cry today; I might laugh tomorrow; I no longer yearn for anybody to understand me. I'm singing now; I'm dancing now; the night is so long that I don't know when dawn will arrive, but I know that I'm searching for happiness.)

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EyPH-1Jvag[/youtube]

(I recall my past one cold, windy night. In the past, I was full of anger because others often criticized or slandered me. I was also upset that others had been spreading rumors about me. I had studied books; I had learnt my lesson. Now I'm no longer in misery. I have wiped my tears away and I will continue to journey through my life with a smile. The truth will prevail because everything in life is fated. I will do what I expect of myself regardless of what you say. I believe that silence is golden. I believe that justice will prevail, though I will do my best not to offend anybody. When I face wind or rain, I no longer take them as seriously as before. When people doubt me, my self-confidence will shield me. I will seek happiness for myself even when others rebuke or jeer at me. Young people, please seek happiness for yourselves. I continue on my journey, seeking happiness for myself.)

Those are some interesting songs however i dont think they will always help me remedy the empty void within my heart. The rest of the populous on this planet seem unforgiving only out for themselves and seem to deem kindness as a weekness. I dont think I can handle the rest of the world much longer so it may be best I shut myself away from the rest of the world for a while!Right now I feel like crona from soul eater [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvCJ6DXAsuk[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ma3AUEl90s&feature=related[/youtube]