really down n depressed

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i know its alot to read, but id appreciate if you would so u can understand some of the stuff gettin to me....

its been crazy the past few weeks, one of my best friends dad stole my meds from me (happened on a thursday), n my friend had to argue with him to give em back n i didnt even get em all back, maybe like half, and cuz he was so mad at his dad and ashamed over this, he moved away with his mom and her side of the family, i dnt have many friends to begin with n i have a horrible fn time meeting new people, and the stress created from that put me in a bad mood n me n my gf ended up arguing that weekend and she broke up with me, we were already having issues but we were workin on em and she was gonna come over in that monday and we were gonna talk more about it n work on it but because of the huge fight we had, she broke up with me n said f**k the promise to come over n try n fix it cuz she's tired of fighting.

Then i been havin issues mith my back n shoulder for the past year from falling n hurting myself from kinda high up n now have scapular winging and it causes me alot of pain that radiates up my neck and head, down my back, up my side n chest on the right side and down my arm, ive gone to physical therapy n they said its obvious somethings wrong just by lookin at it, n my arrogant dumbass doctor told me he doesnt even think anything is really wrong with me (basically tryin to say im faking it without directly sayin it) n that i shouldnt need painkillers like vicodin cuz im 18, n i shouldnt have these medical problems at this age.....when i f*****g fell....so he perscribes Tramadol like its fn candy, even though this s**t is addictive too, and has minor SSNRI properties so itll mess with my mood like an anti-depressant, n he has the balls to tell me to my face its totally safe n non-addictive, when lots of other doctors hes sent me told me that no it totally is.

i changed doctors and this new doctor says he rather me do phys therapy without really taking pills and that if he gave me something stronger then tramadol ill become addicted quickly but doesnt see issue with giving me more tramadol like the last guy, i have also these muscle relaxents for the muscle spasms i get at 5mg a pill, even though i used to take 2-3 10mg ones before n i told him 5mg alone doesnt really affect me n he says oh well he rather me just take 1 5mg one twice a day. disregarding that it doesnt work. and i told him i have take about 200mg of tramadol a day for the pain relief, 2 50mg in the morning and 2 in the evening, n he says he rather me take only 1 every 8hrs again disregarding that it wont work...ive tried explaining that about 5-10mg of vicodin takes my pain off all day but they dnt care cuz of my age, cuz this new doc said the same thing, i shouldnt be having back problems and serious pain at this age

Its all so f*****g frustrating, i feel like i have no one to turn to, i wanna get up and do things but i never have energy cuz im so depressed n frustrated about it all :'{ im at my witts end here that i had to call suicide hotline the other day, i just dnt know what to do to make the frustration n depression go away

Thanks for sharing. Hope things work out well.

have you ever seen a pain specialist? might be the answer. do try the physical therapy. don't be afraid to change docs if you can't get the help you need from the one you are aseeing.