Information Systems, but there's not much around here in the way of entry-level work. I tried moving to a large urban area, but I had a really bad experience so I came back. And most of my competition around here have Master's degrees and my highest is a Bachelor's. I need direction, but I have nobody to direct me. The people who encourage me to get a job have always told me that I should just work minimum wage jobs. I'm the first person in my family to ever graduate from college. Not my mother, uncles, aunt, or sister. I haven't seen my father since I was around four years old, but I know that the last grade level he graduated from was 8th grade. Multiple members of my family have been parasites that I can't get away from. I have the greatest potential of anybody I know that's related to me to become a very successful person. And because of this, nobody really understands how I feel. They tell me how I'm so lazy for not having a job. They have never needed to find work in their "field" because they have no field. They all work basic customer service or manufacturing jobs which anybody can apply to off the street and get hired less than two to three weeks later. I've already graduated, but even when I was in school, I couldn't find any resources or to consider all possible options, if there were any shown to me, I didn't realize this. I feel so lost and I don't know what to do and I'm tired of going for all the scary options that just end up not to be what I was looking for to start with. Living with my mother, my formal English is horrible and it's hard to think. And she spews so many different BS subjects in such a short amount of time, that I can hardly defend myself from what she is saying because I can't remember all the things she accuses me of. And I can't get away from her or anyone else because the cycle repeats.. she takes all of my attention, my memory, my energy, and my happiness, and when I need time for myself, she needs to know right away about this, about that,, etc and when I bother her to ask her something, she is annoyed and wants to put everything off. The other person I went to go live with was 100 times worse. It was okay at first, but then they couldn't even understand anything I needed. It felt like my basic rights to be a civilized human were violated. But back to work, it just feels like.. I'm not smart enough any more.. It feels like I was given up on.. but on the other hand, I wonder if I'm even capable of what I want to do outside of the educational environment. And I say that because I tried as hard as I could.. Even through all the days I felt suicidal.
03 Oct 2012, 4:46 pm
