Anybody understand!!?!?!?

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I was really litterally buzzing last week we had our drama performance at school and I loved it so, so much. I really enjoyed playing a character who was so different from me because she was confident and clever and feminine- oh great the type of person who is always part of one of my special interests then! I've gained a special interest in a character that I have now finnished playing! I'm pretty sure it won't last long because this has happened before but a lot of bad stuff has came out of it.
Part one, I've got new friends over the past year and they are fantastic and I've never really had new friends before now and I really want to keep them but I'm scared because now they've seen my special interest change because I talked about my last one non stop for all the time they've known me and now I'm scared of what will happen. I want to explain to them but some of their other friends aren't the nicest of people and I strongly doubt it but I'm worried they might tell and I get treated like a freak all over again!! I also know that this interest isn't strong enough to give me sanctuary and I'm still expecting it to move on pretty soon to another big interest which will last for years. I'm going to a Halloween party one of my friends have organised and they expect me to dress up as Alice forms my old interest and I now hav no inclination to do that.
My next problem is that in the drama I had a boyfriend- never had one before on or off stage (actually I was pretty sure I was a lesbian) and my best friend, who's known me all my life, thinks I've had my first show crush- meaning a crush on someone because you are acting as their partner. This is common amongst famous actors not just kids but today when he was sitting next to his girlfriend. In English (the teacher put him next to me before we were doing the play) and I felt very disheartened, possibly because I was alone as usual and nobody came to sit next to me but I don't know how strong a 'show crush' gets I don't understand this! Ive had some kind of obsessions in people before and wonder if that is what it is but I was really caught by surprise.
I'm also very down because I know that the play is over and so is my entire drama career. I love drama with a passion, probably because I never really grew out of imaginary games and crave becoming the character I love. It's not worth me taking drama as a higher because I want to be a vet nurse and that means I have to have at least two a's and two b's surely it's a better idea to take the subjects you are best at rather than the doubtful ones?
I'm really upset and was crying tonight. I haven't cried for a while like this and am speaking to a councillor to try and boost my self confidence and get me to think better about myself again. I want this to work and all of a sudden I feel like its not working again!
I really need some proper advice I have got the feeling it's been ignored on here for a while ad I really need help and advice to get better.

i gave up my special interest of music to become a doctor. i was down for a while, but soon medicine became my special interest, and that's something people like to talk about. i'm sure your friends will want to know how to keep their pets healthy. give it some time.

At least you have a choice of which path to take, you should be grateful for that. Although regret for the path not taken is totally understandable. Moving on is hard, but at least you're making progress toward what you want.

I just wish I had been fortunate enough to have had a choice in my life's direction or even a say of any kind. I was placed on an indeterminate path that supposedly lead through higher education, but had no realistic end goal. Any of the things I wanted to do were quickly shot down by parents and educators. In the end I dropped out of community college and landed in a terrible job which I left 10 years and 1 suicide attempt later. Now I have nothing and no future or dreams to pursue.

I am not trying to minimize whatever emotions you are feeling. I know better than anyone that if it wasn't really difficult and painful you wouldn't feel sad at all. I am just saying that I am envious that you have dreams that you can pursue and the choice to go where you wish.

My problem here is turning out to be more about Jack ( my boyfriend in the play) than the rest. Help! I've found myself still bringing him into my thoughts and the same weird fluttery feeling related to a special interest. I was really kind of disappointed the other day in English when he didn't sit next to me (where he's supposed to sit) but next to his girlfriend. Yet today when he was sitting next to me I could not look at him at all just like the stalker-ish tendencies I've had with people before. Is this real? Am I hoping I like him that way just because I am terrified that I might be gay? or is it just that I'm obsessing over a boy for the first time like is a common Aspie trait and I've done before with two girls. Help!! I'd like to have this sorted in my head even if it is going to be a let down.

I recently noticed that this girl who strung me along and manipulated me resurfaced in my old web circles that I currently hold the "persona non gratis" status in. As usual, everyone seemed to be quite pleased that she showed up and are greeting her with open arms. (People I ran into from that same group of websites recently decided it would be fun to cyberbully me and make new problems for me, but that's not the point I want to make.) I probably won't go confront her, even though I have a couple ways to do that. I know it would end poorly. But a couple days ago I was half asleep and found myself fantasizing about her in a romantic and intimate way. I jarred myself to full consciousness and tried to come to grips with how disgusted I felt that I would still have feelings for that....eh, I'm not gonna go there. I know I've been feeling particularly lonely as of late, more so than usual. But I did not think I would allow myself to go there.

I don't think you're a stalker or afraid of being gay. You may just like the guy and/or you're lonely.

I guess that's a normal thing even for aspies. Maybe more so for us because we suck at socializing.

Sweet Pea hugs