Yeah so I got a little carried away feeling guilty...

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Edited from: Who gives a f**k about my survival...........I just want the next high to keep me going. Don't care about long term survival just want to end the pain no matter what it takes. I am just a pathetic waste of life.

I mean I know damn well its not just about getting 'high' wanting to kill the pain is not some totally irrational terrible thing to do. Just thought I'd edit this one some rather then posting another thread about me and being hard on myself about resorting to drugs at times when the pains too much. Also of course though drugs prescription or otherwise can have harmful side effects so can mental disorders.

so yeah fixed, didn't feel like leaving it as it was.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 11 Oct 2012, 7:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Stop saying "I am a junkie" and "I am a pathetic waste of life" because if you keep repeating this over and over in your head it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy. Start saying, "I'm an intelligent girl with lots of potential" and "I have a long life ahead of me with ups and downs but I will get through them."

Don't say that stuff about yourself, don't worry about what other people think of you. Everybody has problems, every problem is different from other problems but every single person in this world has them. You can get better but you have to find a will. You're living and you communicate on this website in the Haven so I know there's a will deep down inside of you. If you have a drug problem it's nothing to be ashamed of, you can get help. I've been down that road, it's not fun but you can survive through it.

If you are capable of feeling ashamed of your habit, then you are capable of getting help. If you really do have a drug problem, then I implore you to seek treatment for it. There are many options available to you.

Wait for the meds to work.
Don't think, just make sure you eat, drink, sleep and get outside a bit if you can manage. Watch TV or whatever, don't engage in anything that's causing your depression.

I think I said it before, but you can't expect yourself to function when you just started talking new medication.

lostgirl, the thing is I know you're trying to help her but in my opinion I do not believe that you are. I know you are well-intentioned but I do not believe this advice will help her. I think this belief causing reality that a lot of people in America believe to an extreme is the disease itself. It is not the cure.

What she needs is to know what to do to get better. She needs to know what she can do to get off the drugs. She needs people who can help her to get off of the drugs and if she needs certain meds like methadone then she needs to be provided this. I will use this as an example. Let's say we have a child who has no idea how to add numbers together and the teacher is not teaching her whatsoever how to add. The teacher says, "I believe in you, you can do it. You can add these numbers."

The child is asking "how." Will alone is not enough. Will alone is not enough to climb a mountain. You have to have mountain gear, you have to be in excellent physical shape, and be trained as well. How does your advice help her in any kind of way?

Please read what I am talking about here. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt206352.html
You're causing her more harm than you are helping her because you're telling her to put the cart before the horse. What she needs is concrete solutions not anyone telling her to change her attitude.

Seconded! Hang in there!

I care about your survival. I'm not a drug user but it seems vaguely positive that you are looking for something to keep you going ... I just wish you could find something that wasn't so potentially harmful (says I ... Pot Kettle Black ... back in A&E for another overdose).

Hang in there, give the meds time to work and count the days until your psych appt.

methadone is defiantly not the way to go. methadone is more addicting than heroin. weening off of an addiction is the best way to go.

Ha ha just intelligent till the PTSD took it all away........my life now is always an endless struggle to end the pain or at least ,make it a bit more bearable. Its not about healing or trying to be a better person I just want less pain.

I care about your survival. I've read posts of yours on here that I found worthwhile enough I can say without a doubt you are not a waste of life. Few people are, even the ones no one cares about. Sometimes, especially the ones no one cares about. Hang in there; if you need to end the pain, then do what you can to do that, but that doesn't make you worthless. It simply means you're hurting.

I don't even have much of a habit, I'm just in pain and will take what it takes to destroy the pain.

I feel like I should just end it what is the point of going on like this?

I know what you mean. You can't just tell her to get better and she'll get better. Yeah, she needs intervention but there's really nothing we can do unles she seeks it herself. All we can do is try to help and encourage her to do so.

Give me an update on your treatment. I know you went to the doctor and got pills. Are you still taking them? Are you also participating in therapy?

Moms already pissed at me for smoking again inside again, wants me to go totally off property to smoke which is kind of ridiculous I can understand not in the house(and sure I was being an ass smoking in the house I know this) walking a mile away just for a smoke seems a bit extreme since shes been smoking in the back yard for months.

And I drank a 40 and told her about it, then all she could do is lecture about how that is a bad example for my 11 year old brother, he will be exposed to life anyways so why try and keep him in some stupid bubble that's just going to be shattered someday like it was with me. Just people try to say they understand but they don't get sh** and I just don't know how much longer I can cope with it.

Yeah I am taking them and the clonozepam kind of mellows the anxiety, the anti depressant aside from causing drowsiness to help me sleep at night is not doing a whole lot for the depression. Kinda been self medicating to make up for the lack of meds I was given till the next appt.