Awful day. And tommorow may be worse.

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Today it would have been better if I had never gone to my psychiatrist's appointment at all. Last night I didn't fall asleep until the wee hours of the morning as usual, and had some uncomfortable dreams about smallpox and walking around with a mask over my face. I overslept until after 12:30 pm and my appointment was at 1! I hear the phone ringing and my mother, who was going to drive me to the hospital, asked me "Don't tell me you're still in bed?!" Well I manage to get dressed and brush my teeth at least. I took my meds but had no time to eat anything. And instead of mom I get picked up by a guy from work and on the way over he says something about my aunt at work having a relapse of the flu. There is a huge outbreak of colds and flu going around right now, everywhere I go I hear horrible, phlegmy coughing and I can't STAND it. If it wasn't for Halloween I would completely HATE this time of year! I get dropped off at the hospital and I'm thinking how even the car I was driven in is probably contaminated and the chairs in the waiting room and the magazines and I'm still feeling groggy and headachy from oversleep and my immunity is probably lowered because of that and how my mother is often surrounded by sick germy people at work and doesn't even get a sniffle is she really just lucky? Then I just started crying right there in the waiting room and could't stop and I haven't even seen the doctor yet and when he takes me to his office I started trying to tell him what had been going on and now I'm bawling and hysterical and I can't understand most of the things he's saying because he speaks in such a low voice and I had the extreme AUDACITY to tell him and that I was sorry because I knew it sounded horrible. He seemed quite bewildered by the way I was acting because it was only the second time I've seen him and the first time I was in a good mood. I told him I get like this sometimes and I don't know its probably PMS. I was supposed to go to the grocery store after my appointment but obviously that would not have been a good idea. so I got picked up by the same guy from work again and taken home. I spent the afternoon and most of the evening lying down. I will probably have to buy my groceries tomorrow and at 6pm I'm planning to go to a Halloween dance that I've spent a lot of time and money getting ready for. The last thing I need is for something else to make me upset when I'm supposed to be having fun. I often wish I didn't need to go out into the world at all, that I could just isolate myself from society and the world inside my apartment. A complete recluse. If I didn't need money or food to survive...

There, there. Things will get better. I hope you don't start crying at the Halloween dance.

Yes, things went relatively fine at the dance, although I was an hour late because it took me a lot longer to put on my vampire makeup than I thought and the cab I sent for was around twenty minutes late because on Friday nights there's a hockey game at the city's arena and the traffic is terrible. It also took a long time for a cab to come and take me home. And I also got my period that day, so maybe it really was a PMS thing, although I hate using that as the reason for everything.