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My grandmother passed away in 1997 of breast cancer ( I was 7 years old at the time). As a kid would go round too her house a lot and she would take me out too do things. She was a very eccentric lady as well.

Sometimes when I feel a bit depressed about her death my brother said too me "dad should be the one feeling sad about the death of his mother not you"

My dad said something similar as well too me last night.

Do you think my brother makes a good point or not?

Your brother's comment makes little sense to me. If you were close to someone you mourn and miss them. No one can change the way you feel. To say that your feelings are not valid is counterproductive.

Well my father does not really show a great deal if sorrow over his mothers death and she knew her a lot longer than I did......perhaps that us why they can't understand how I could feel upset over my grandmothers death. Even if she was not my mother she was a close blood relation.

"your feelings are wrong" is that ever a good statement that helps anyone? of course that isn't really prodcutive. I think your brother might just want you to be happy.

Is it possible your father and brother are Aspie? It sounds like they don't understand that sadness for a relative's death depends on how close you were to them emotionally, not genetically.

My mother was a lot more sympathetic than my dad and bro regarding my grandmothers death. When i cried about it 7 years ago my mum said too me " she liked you a lot but at the end of the day she only cared about herself" regarding my grandma

He probably meant something along the lines of "Your dads feelings for his mother were probably more intense than your feelings for her, so if he's over it by now you should be too". That's not true though. People experience different levels and types of closeness and your grandmother died when you were young and not as able to cope with death. You had probably not started moving away from being as close to family members, which naturally happens as we get older, even though our love for them doesn't decrease.

I think your brother nor dad just knew how to express what they meant.

I could be wrong though.

There are no wrong feelings. You should point that out to them next time.

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