I feel like nobody knows me....

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My whole life just feels like I a waste....everything....I'm sorry i'm sorry to say that but I really beleive it's true. Nothing I have done has felt "true".....I lost myself a long time ago.....I have just been on a lonely path to nowhere....never actually had a relationship or a real encounter with a girl. I've never had the confidence. Some girls have been into me, but I don't know what they saw, because I just have never had the confidence. I've tried doing this and that really trying to find my lifes passion and gain confidence, but I feel so stuck.

I moved away to start school again with a different subject to study but nothing feels right....Nothing fits. I really can't explain this. I know this won't make any sense. My whole life has just been complete rubbish. I've been a lonely soul my whole life having very very few friends, and never when it counted the most. I really feel like nobody knows me. I just feel like everything is pointless.....I just exist but barely.......I have so much brain fog. I missed out on everything. Everything in life.....what the f**k bro?

I was started on paxil over a month ago, but I didn't really notice a difference. The only time I actually feel better is when I smoke ganje. I feel more connected to myself I can feel so much more and let myself relax, but at the same time I also feel like what the f**k where am I what am I doing. My whole life just seems so unreal. Its a feeling I can't explain it. I quit paxil yesterday I am going to see if I can beat this on my own. I quit looking at porn too, I know that caused a lot of my brain fog and insomnia. I just hope one day I can fall asleep at nighttime and wake up feeling refreshed. Maybe one day I can feel good about myself.

Bro, your gonna get through this. Every bit of it. I know what it's like, I know how hard all of it is, but I'll tell ya now it's only temporary, and you might already know that. One thing that keeps me going is the fact that I learned how to dis-concern myself with social relationships. I know it sucks at first, but once you learn what your worth, and your potential is determined by you abilities, not your social life, it gets a lot better.

Do you have any obsessions? Any interests? Don't worry, this is relevant.

No problem! I'm happy to help anyone who really needs it!

I was bringing up hobbies, because when you set yourself strictly to something you love, then you'll eventually meet people with the same determination, and hence you make friends!

Here's how I got through what your dealing with... It could work the same for you, but it worked freaking awesomely for me! It seems like a long process, but it helps... really.

It seems like what's holding you back now, is that you've convinced yourself your life is worthless now. Whether you were right or wrong about it when you said this, this is what's holding you back.
You can get out of this, you can make friends, you can get in a relationship, you can enjoy life once again, and you can become happy again!
It works like this; what you say and write is engrained into your subconscious. This is your roots, you can't fix a tree by trying to fix the fruit, you have to fix the roots first!
When you say you can't, you limit yourself.
When you say you can, whether you really could at the time or not, your brain will force the answer out for you, and the world will bend over backwards for you, and make way!
So you really will find your answers! All you have to do is try your best to tell yourself repeatedly that you are (Whoever you want to be), and you will become that person, you have to tell yourself that you can indefinitely do (What you want to do), but before all of this, you have to KNOW what you want to do. Doing these things, besides obviously convincing yourself in regard to them, will also force the answers out, and you'll do what you always wanted to do almost naturally!

I know that this MIGHT not really be the answer you would want, but I'm just tryin to help. And as all of us Aspies know; we can't bend the truth for the sake of sounding favorable. We have to drop the truth as it is.
Just do what I mentioned, and I know you wanna dive right in to the happy life, first thing you gotta do is bring yourself outa your trench! The answers will come as you need and ask for them!

Afterwards you have one thing to do; improve life.
You do this by finding something to work hard for, something that you can work passionately for, and is big enough to give purpose to ones life! In my case, it was parkour!
As you keep working on this, life becomes not a waste, because eventually you'll meet people just like you; people looking for friends, and working hard to find a purpose in life! You'll push yourself outside of the superficial realm, and will weed out everyone out except the determined, real, and purposed people who are just as eager to make friends with someone worth something as you are!
By then, making friends is easy, because everyone is looking for friends.
Then you have two things you needed the most; something to work for, and people to support you!

I love this process!! It's irritating, horribly satisfying, egging, rather ironic at times, and pays off!! I went through a portion of my life feeling purposeless, but found it through determination, and knowing that you can be however happy you want, whatever you want, and wherever you want!

It sucks sometimes listening to people who are like "life is whatever you make it!" but you really gotta see it from a different perspective!

I can't say anything that can help really except that I understand what it's like to feel like I'm not the person I'm meant to be or living the life I should have lived. Being intensely lonely is a part of that. Without people to validate who we are and without fullfilling relationships it's hard to find meaning.

You still have time for things to change though. You may yet meet people who know you. Is it just self-confidence that's the problem? Some of the things you posted made me wonder whether you're feeling this way because of a distorted perception of yourself, rather than because you're actually failing to connect with people. Which should give you hope because I think that's an easier problem to solve. You can learn to recognise that people do see you and you're life isn't nothing.

And you talk about improving things, starting a new school - even if it hasn't turned out right yet, you are still making progress and so have reason to have hope that things will change for you.