scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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5.5

Between 5 and 6.

Back up to an even 6.

Unquantifiable. There might be a possibility that I might not post something that may make sense in this thread for a while.

It's as if... I'm staying between this weird neutral 'highs', possibly an unknown number outside of scale of -10 to +10.
It started off as, say, constant +5s to +8s. It felt 'normal'. Now it's... There's no words for it. There's just isn't.

And now I'm more prone to feeling someone else's emotions instead. I'm not 'numb', I'm not depressed, I'm not even feeling anything related to 'wanting'. Just... Just. I became more naturally sociable even -- I just chose to.

Taking sensations is it is also more of the heart in then the heart out, as much as thoughts are also one ear in and one ear out.

I just take it; good, bad, either, neither...

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-35

sick for 6 weeks, comes back, mostly can't breath, headaches, illusions, desillusion, maybe hallozinatin, can't see very well, tired, sick of people, feelings to really want to kill some of them dumbs, broke, hopeless, jobless, no future, no turning back, moving forward, but sick

i am no human & proud of, should be a t-shirt!


they just imagine they are humans, but humanity is just an idea to maybe archive, we are apes in a cage.

-10

Saw another woman hanging out with a “bad boy” even though she claimed she was pissed at him. Didn’t stop her from going to get drunk with him. Crap like that just further reinforces my fears that I am doomed to be alone until I die. Some of my younger cousins are having children while I can’t even get a f*****g coffee date. I even have fears that my nieces and nephews will have their own children when I am in my 40’s.

my nieces and nephews mostly have their own kids now. life goes on. i'm not a part of it. i watch from a distant remove.

5

-10

My redneck father calls the music I like “Satanic” and texts his mistresses in the middle of conversations.

+4

I look nice today, and I did some productive things. I dunno what to do with myself at the moment. I feel lost and overwhelmed, as usual. Hoping it's all enough.

-10

It’s too late to change my life around. I had dreams but they didn’t come true.

Unknown.

Throughout the day, I've sensed strong amounts of fear and worry from my boss, felt annoyance and frustration at work, and some degree of bodily and mental stress since I chose to drink more than enough coffee before 6AM.

Only for all of it to disappear by the time I was done working for the day.

Had some slices of chocolate cake before bed, then went to sleep rather fast... Chocolate seriously used to make me really happy, but now it's just another sweet treat that happened to be a very accustomed taste.
A sweet treat is still a sweet treat though, amounts of lethargy and desensitizing or not.


Conclusion though? To attain more levels of sensitivity instead of some muffled subconscious desensitization, I can stop having more stimulants. Or, enjoy said foodstuffs yet may not reach those levels of sensitivities for a while.
Choices, choices... Maybe I can invest with honey.

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