scale of -10 to +10, how do you feel right now?

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-10, tl;dr, the non-drugged version of the exact same thing

What they do and take from you

I mistrust everyone, even those I love. I look for betrayal and feel it over the slightest of things, no matter how slight. I daydream over day-live. I avoid those I love for fear of betrayal and being harmed. I avoid everyone else because I feel they're going to harm me in the bad ways. I look at myself and feel disgusting. I'm afraid of others touching me. You get interested in weapons as you live in fear 24/7 and they provide some semblance of safety. You're afraid of being thrown away for sharing it with those that should know, as it'll affect them too and explain things. You feel guilt constantly for doing no wrong. You want forgiveness for nothing. The shame for no reason. You never sleep the same again. You'll leave lights on and block doors at night. There's far more. The physical wounds don't all heal. The mental are forever. The emotional are degenerative. I just wanted a simple life and a wife in this life, which isn't "just", as that's everything to me.

I've healed some. I don't know how much. I can't be fixed though. Maybe just understood.

They only win over me if I let them take away my hope of peace and love, and the light I saw in the cage of that darkness. They can laugh as much as they want. I'm still here.

positives my hand is there

Those strands of light, make me see better days, and I appreciate them more than anything. Thank you, truly. It's what I want to know, and feel, over the darkness; I don't want to run away anymore, I just want to be wrapped up in them, to feel safe, and to give back what you have. It's there forever, the care and love, not out of self-determination, but out of appreciation.

6. lingering after-effects of cold. Still pretty healthy though. (It might have actually been omicron, for all i know, never bothered to check it out, unlikely, but doesn't matter much now.)

At my typical 7.

+5/-5

Good night/sleep, rare.

Good turned to bad morning. Strands of light stopped the shadows from overwhelming.

+5/-5

One of those seizure days. 30 seconds. Amnesia ("Who are you?"), and altered consciousness with this one. New aftermath there. Yeah. I do my best. Feel like hitting the good stuff to help cope, but that just makes you lose any hope you have with the trade-off of [more] sedation. Neuro is back. I upset her this morning when I shared some pain, and I shouldn't do that; I need to be a rock there.

Thank you again.

Neutral and also positive

Lacking a filter is sometimes useful, sometimes not. You get the truth out, but you sometimes get too much truth out, even if you try to hide some things with word substitutions or in metaphor. It doesn't really matter though. It's interesting that people can ask me anything and they'll get exactly what I think. Which can lead to upset. Such as today when my mother asked me something. That was related to my own situation. That one upset me when I saw the sadness there as she remembers the suffering. Speaking the utter truth can sometimes lead you to ruin, but I'd rather that one. Truth is truth.

Side-note: Not all generic drugs are equal I've recently found out, and neither are they from pill to pill in the same box (ain't that a thing). QC ain't what it used to be.

7. It lingers in my system, of course, i know there are traces of it still left. But I'm just so full of health, it really doesn't bother me, too much.

Maybe 4.

Thought I had Omicron. Tested negative 5 times in 2 weeks via various types of tests. Fortunate for the wide availability of tests.

Just have a 2-week cold, typical for me in winter.

Maybe -4 physically?

My possible Omicron / bronchitis / virus / flu thing keeps feeling like it's maybe going away, but then it comes smashing back again. I can't get tested so I'll just have to stay quarantined, and wait to see if I barf up a lung.

Yeah, a lot of people seem to have caught something. Rest assured, You should come through it safely. Statistically speaking.

I recommend:

Vitamin D
A recent study shows that a blood level of at least 30 ng/mL of 25-hydroxyvitamin D seemingly reduces the risk of severe outcomes in patients with COVID-19 symptoms.

Vitamin C
risk of pneumonia is significantly reduced with Vitamin C supplementation.

Vitamin B Complex
mediates in the proper activation of innate and adaptive immune responses, heightens respiratory functions, lowers pro-inflammatory cytokine levels and prevents too much blood clotting.

Zinc
antiviral effects and may shorten the duration of the common cold. Recent studies suggest that zinc has potentially protective properties against COVID-19 as it reduces inflammation and promotes antiviral immunity.

I took all 4, and more. When I had a cold. It may help.

Yeah, it's not the end of the world or anything but thanks. I just wish I knew when the quarantine will end. They say five days after symptoms go away. I keep thinking they're going away and then they come back. Dry scratchy tight throat, low oxygen levels (90-94/95), high pulse and dizziness. Lungs not goopy but very tight and dry even though I have a central humidifier. Shakiness. A bit of coughing to clear my throat but not much. Temperature anywhere from too low, up to 99.6 but most of the time normal. It could be a normal flu. Who knows? I talked to the doctor's reception and she said the same thing I hear in the media - they aren't testing for Omicron anymore so just stay quarantined.

If it starts to feel gunky I'll get an XRay for pneumonia / bronchitis but so far no gunk.

At my typical 7.

A guest speaker will be in my class this Monday, so I'm looking forward to this.

negative, neutral and positive

Alright. A little sad. Regretful and remorseful. Thankful. Sorta quite [maybe irrationally] worried for someone due to the aforementioned SARS-CoV-2, but that's alright as it's just care; I've been worried there for a long time. Mostly Unicron now, which doesn't look too bad.

I'd try to get my mother a prescription for Luvox if she got it, which looks alright, as Pfizer's 3CLpro inhibitor isn't really widely available (I'm sure it is to the kings and queens and all their favored wealthy women/men). Her condition won't be an issue when it comes to a viral infection, rather how it affects the condition itself; not enough info there as it's only anecdotes due to being so rare (they seem to be surviving SARS-CoV-2 well enough, but then most people do there).

Because I'm corny all the same: I can show by not leaving, walking forever this lost desert, footprints weaving messages; if you're a mirage, it's warmth created from sunlight; if the blurred horizon turns blue, I'll share that found oasis with you.

Again at my typical 7.