What makes some people a 'walking target'?

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exec
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12 Jan 2026, 7:57 pm

I would really like to know others opinion on this. For as far back as I can remember, I endured bullying form other kids in school and I also had to deal with adult bullying. I don't know why I was always a walking target to other hate but I got way more bullied from others than other people I ran into. Also nobody every had my back in life. I feel like I'm attention seeking by posting this but this is eating me up inside and I don't know what to change or even if I would want to change - I don't hate myself or my traits. I'm very timid and meek and I avoid eye contact nowadays because society has become so toxic and sh***y now in America towards to Autistic adults. We are on our own. Help is just not there. I live a life if isolation now and avoid other people as much as possible.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading and I hope others are doing better than I am.


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kuen
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13 Jan 2026, 3:55 pm

Oh I'm very sorry you've had those experiences.

I don't know what to say, except that I'm glad to see you around here and I hope that this at least is an environment in which you feel accepted.

exec wrote:
adult bullying


Don't answer if it is uncomfortable to talk about it, but it would help me understand if you gave bit more context. Bullying... maybe my head is just very vague, but it seems like it could mean a number of different things.

All the best,



Arabian_Ivy
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13 Jan 2026, 5:51 pm

You most be doing something wrong without noticing. Things might help:

- Good posture, stand and sit up straight.
- Dress in a way that helps you blend in, not stand out.
- Keep hair and facial hair neat.
- Speak with a calm, steady voice that can be heard.
- Blink less often.
- If a smile is 100%, try 10%.
- Relax your facial muscles.
- Keep your chin up.
- If “bullies” are under the influence, it’s okay to take another path.
- When passing high-functioning addicts, make brief eye contact and say “Hi.”
- Building physical strength helps with confidence: simple equipment, home workouts, or just bodyweight exercises all work.



exec
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13 Jan 2026, 8:56 pm

kuen wrote:
Oh I'm very sorry you've had those experiences.

I don't know what to say, except that I'm glad to see you around here and I hope that this at least is an environment in which you feel accepted.

exec wrote:
adult bullying


Don't answer if it is uncomfortable to talk about it, but it would help me understand if you gave bit more context. Bullying... maybe my head is just very vague, but it seems like it could mean a number of different things.

All the best,
Thank you and I do feel very safe here and accepted.


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exec
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13 Jan 2026, 9:03 pm

Arabian_Ivy wrote:
You most be doing something wrong without noticing. Things might help:

- Good posture, stand and sit up straight.
- Dress in a way that helps you blend in, not stand out.
- Keep hair and facial hair neat.
- Speak with a calm, steady voice that can be heard.
- Blink less often.
- If a smile is 100%, try 10%.
- Relax your facial muscles.
- Keep your chin up.
- If “bullies” are under the influence, it’s okay to take another path.
- When passing high-functioning addicts, make brief eye contact and say “Hi.”
- Building physical strength helps with confidence: simple equipment, home workouts, or just bodyweight exercises all work.


Oh my ... most of those I exhibit. I don't stand up straight because I try to make myself appear small.

I do dress to blend in.

I do keep my beard trimmed.

I do speak clearly.

I Blink a lot.

I do smile far too much even thought its not genuine - its a poor coping mechanism I guess. I should learn to tone it down.

I have a tense facial expression.

I Don't keep my chin up and I keep my head down.

Even though I said I might not want to change, but I would like to change those things you mentioned.

Thank you.


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funeralxempire
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13 Jan 2026, 10:10 pm

Arabian_Ivy wrote:
- Blink less often.


There's an ideal range. If you don't blink enough people start to think you have ASPD.


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Tamaya
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13 Jan 2026, 11:04 pm

I got picked on at high school because of the way I went around with a "weak and pathetic" way about me.

In adulthood my impulses have attracted bullies. I might make a poor decision only for it to get blown out of proportion by somebody else and then it leads to bullying. While it usually says a lot about them than it does about me (as my impulses don't ever hurt anybody and I never go around snitching or telling tales or anything like that), it can still ruin my reputation if they have more power than me.

Sadly it isn't always about who's right or wrong but who has the power. It's why I become anxious about going to work, in case I make a stupid mistake that somebody creates a big deal out of and then I never hear the end of it. One wrong move and it's like I'm granted a social death sentence for the rest of my life, with that irritating tit for tat game that they play. "Oh you done this petty little trivial crime, so I get to get you back forever now and ruin your reputation, because I'm charming and popular while you're a stupid part-time cleaner who's scared of your own shadow".

Sorry, I'm crap at giving advice. All I can say is don't make any bad decisions on impulse, although that's easier said than done when you have ADHD and trying to survive day by day with a creative mind that doesn't always fit the workplace structure.


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MartineRomy
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14 Jan 2026, 2:03 am

One of the times I was still too young to 'find out yourself' and teachers got involved they asked me sort of this same question...
What did I do to make myself a target every time.
It would take me another 30 years to get the answer, another 10 to figure out why it wasn't so easy. I am me and had not learned to hide everything. Nobody could tell me what it was at that time but I was just different in many small ways. I could talk but the words I choose were a bit odd. I was clumsy but not in an obvious way. Just different enough to be noticed.
Being different is all it takes.



traven
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14 Jan 2026, 2:44 am

specially the walking
it still frightens me to pass by a bunch of kids or teens,
actually nothing has happened in years
blending in with all old people? or not going near such things anyway?

i don't think there is much you can do

once, suddenly homeless, on my way to another place i walked by a youth cult thing and they started to scream and be nasty at me (youth for christ that time, sects were quite common those days, some bagwan people were the most unstable)(oh i have that now with the 'alt' crowd(boomers) they feel the deep need to exclude me beforehand, and shamelessly)
what can you do,
i don't know them, they don't know me
its a bonding ritual to them maybe

silent target
even in your own house, they take your place and try to push you of the cliff of being present,
(ow come to think of it, the inlaws (f&m) had a preference that way too)

:shrug: :shrug:



enz
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14 Jan 2026, 2:44 am

Arabian_Ivy is right upright posture is important. I met a guy who tried to make himself smaller in the city by stooping over so he'd be invisible to bad guys. I told him that made him a target and he should stand upright. His confidence went up when he changed his posture.

Situational awareness shows you know how to protect yourself so be aware of what's happening around you

You could also do Ju Jitsu which would give you confidence because you'd be very good at fighting if you needed to. Just make sure to wear headgear to not get cauliflower ears



Arabian_Ivy
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14 Jan 2026, 8:29 am

exec wrote:
Thank you.

No worries.
Smiling is appropriate at the right time and place, but you don't need a big smile all the time.



Arabian_Ivy
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14 Jan 2026, 8:34 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Arabian_Ivy wrote:
- Blink less often.


There's an ideal range. If you don't blink enough people start to think you have ASPD.

It’s an act to confuse “bullies.”
People blink more often when they’re scared.



babybird
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14 Jan 2026, 9:08 am

exec wrote:
I would really like to know others opinion on this. For as far back as I can remember, I endured bullying form other kids in school and I also had to deal with adult bullying. I don't know why I was always a walking target to other hate but I got way more bullied from others than other people I ran into. Also nobody every had my back in life. I feel like I'm attention seeking by posting this but this is eating me up inside and I don't know what to change or even if I would want to change - I don't hate myself or my traits. I'm very timid and meek and I avoid eye contact nowadays because society has become so toxic and sh***y now in America towards to Autistic adults. We are on our own. Help is just not there. I live a life if isolation now and avoid other people as much as possible.

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading and I hope others are doing better than I am.


They like to exploit what they think are weaknesses in people

You're right not to change who you are. That's what they want you to do. That's how they get their kicks

Hopefully as you get older you will learn techniques that will help you defend yourself against them

Sorry I can't offer anything better

Take care man


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Last edited by babybird on 14 Jan 2026, 9:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Arabian_Ivy
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14 Jan 2026, 9:09 am

I was watching the 2019 movie Light of My Life, where Casey Affleck plays a man who protects his daughter by disguising her as his son after a plague wipes out most of the females. My first thought when he dressed her in a bright color was: Why make her noticeable? He should have used neutral colors, not just to make her look like a boy, but to keep her inconspicuous.



exec
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14 Jan 2026, 7:13 pm

Tamaya wrote:
I got picked on at high school because of the way I went around with a "weak and pathetic" way about me.

In adulthood my impulses have attracted bullies. I might make a poor decision only for it to get blown out of proportion by somebody else and then it leads to bullying. While it usually says a lot about them than it does about me (as my impulses don't ever hurt anybody and I never go around snitching or telling tales or anything like that), it can still ruin my reputation if they have more power than me.

Sadly it isn't always about who's right or wrong but who has the power. It's why I become anxious about going to work, in case I make a stupid mistake that somebody creates a big deal out of and then I never hear the end of it. One wrong move and it's like I'm granted a social death sentence for the rest of my life, with that irritating tit for tat game that they play. "Oh you done this petty little trivial crime, so I get to get you back forever now and ruin your reputation, because I'm charming and popular while you're a stupid part-time cleaner who's scared of your own shadow".

Sorry, I'm crap at giving advice. All I can say is don't make any bad decisions on impulse, although that's easier said than done when you have ADHD and trying to survive day by day with a creative mind that doesn't always fit the workplace structure.
No its ok ... your advice is fine and you made me feel less alone.


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exec
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14 Jan 2026, 7:15 pm

MartineRomy wrote:
One of the times I was still too young to 'find out yourself' and teachers got involved they asked me sort of this same question...
What did I do to make myself a target every time.
It would take me another 30 years to get the answer, another 10 to figure out why it wasn't so easy. I am me and had not learned to hide everything. Nobody could tell me what it was at that time but I was just different in many small ways. I could talk but the words I choose were a bit odd. I was clumsy but not in an obvious way. Just different enough to be noticed.
Being different is all it takes.
You situation sound a lot like mine. I'm clumsy even now and in same ways worse then before as my phobia has increased.


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