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vinyl360
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19 May 2019, 3:32 pm

Recently, I have had really low self-esteem and is working on improving it. Does anybody have any tips or advice for this type of stuff?



shortfatbalduglyman
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19 May 2019, 5:12 pm

You can't measure your self esteem, so how do you know it is low?

The counseling intern asked if I felt "worthless"

You can't measure your retail value, so how do you know it's not zero?

Your retail value could be a high positive, low positive, zero, small negative, large negative


Numberline


:mrgreen:


Your retail value is constantly changing


Maybe everyone else just has too much self esteem


Even the exchange rate of monetary currency fluctuates daily


Below salvage value


A counselor told me that "you are important because you are alive"


Wrong


Don't lower the standard of "important"


The dictionary defines "important" as "of great value"


Not every value is "great"


Seriously though I feel like, "most people" are :heart: confidence not proportional to competence :roll:






:mrgreen:



treefiddy
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19 May 2019, 5:24 pm

vinyl360 wrote:
Recently, I have had really low self-esteem and is working on improving it. Does anybody have any tips or advice for this type of stuff?


I'm sorry to hear that :(
There a few standard tips that work pretty well:

1) Try to learn not to compare yourself to others - "compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today".
2) Try to focus on the things you like about yourself and the things your are grateful for. If there are some areas of your life you'd like to improve, make sure to give yourself plenty of time to do so and don't be too harsh on yourself if you don't see immediate progress.
3) Make sure to allot some of your time and energy every day to being consciously kind to others; it's a really fulfilling practice.


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PurpleKiwi
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19 May 2019, 5:39 pm

I have issues with low self-esteem too, here's some of the things that help me:

- When I'm finding things really bad I force myself to write a list of everything I like about myself. Doesn't matter how small or stupid it is I write it down. I aim for 100 things, I never make it but that's not the point, the point is to just write it down so you can see there are things you like. It takes a bit of practice but can be really useful.

- I also try to be kind to myself, thinking along the lines of if I wouldn't say it to a friend in the same situation why am I saying it to myself? This has varied success for me but it helps enough that I'm always willing to try it.

- I've also written down things I hate about myself or situation, I just scribble it all out devoid of neatness or order. When I'm done I rip it up into tiny pieces and throw it away. This gets used when I'm really angry rather than sad.

- I am a creative person so sometimes I just create for the purpose of creating. I try to keep no end goal in mind and just go where it takes me and not worry about what it looks like at the end. Sometimes I bake and the plus side after this activity is that there's tasty baking to eat.

- A couple of years ago I had an app on my phone called Wysa I think. It's an AI you can talk to about how you are feeling and it suggests activities to help you feel better. I got some use out of it even after it got a little repetitive.

These are all suggestions based on what I do. It's still a work in progress but these things help me. Give them a try if you want, adapt them, completely change them or decide they are just stupid. Whatever works for you. I always try to keep an open mind about this. You never know if it'll work unless you try it and deciding it's stupid before you try is no help at all. Better to feel silly for trying than not trying at all.

Because I need myself right now, I'm going to go write a list of things I like about myself.



Lost_dragon
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20 May 2019, 8:28 am

Personally, whenever I start to become consumed with self-doubt and low self-esteem, I like to ask myself the following set of questions:

- Is the criticism I'm giving myself constructive?

No? If so, why is not constructive? Perhaps it's too vague, or it's unreasonable.

Yes? That's good. You have something to work with.

- Would I allow someone else to speak to me like this?

No? That's a sign that you're speaking to yourself in an unhealthy manner. You shouldn't treat yourself as if you are worth less than others. If you would object to a bully saying the same things about you, then you should also object to yourself saying the same things. What is the true cause of these thoughts?

Yes? Apply the first question. Is it both constructive, and acceptable from someone else?

- Also, would it be alright to say these remarks to another person?

So, if you were to speak to someone in a similar position to you, would it be OK to say those comments to them? How might they react?

I hope this helps. :)


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jimmy m
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20 May 2019, 10:56 am

Tips on self esteem.

Many times low self esteem is triggered by bullying. For males it tends to peak during the Junior High School years and in females during the High School year. It occurs as you are transitioning from an adolescent to becoming an adult. In the adult world there is generally less bullying.

So first off, realize that in a few years you will be over the hump and stress will diminish.

Second, the effect of bullying can be like a dagger to the heart. It will leave scars buried deep inside you. It is best to let these scars heal the best you can afterwards.

I experienced 3 years of bullying in Junior High. I built up an impenetrable wall that blocked any verbal attack. The kind when your peer group call you every name in the book: You are stupid. You are an idiot. You're worthless. You will never amount to anything and it would probably be better off if you were dead. As a matter of fact at the end of Junior High, my class voted me "least likely to succeed".

So I guess for one tip on self esteem is DO NOT believe everything you are told. Everyone has strengths and weakness. For Aspies they tend to be Great Strengths and Great Weaknesses. The important thing for an Aspie to learn is how to use their Great Strengths to compensate for the Great Weaknesses.

_______________________________________________________________

Actually there is an interesting story related to my ability to erect an impenetrable wall to verbal attacks.

One day in the school hallway, several boys approached me and asked, “What nationality are you?” I sensed danger and said nothing. They stared at my features and decided, “he has slanty eyes, large buck teeth and large ears; he must be Japanese”. I said nothing. For the next three years all I heard was a constant stream of Japanese jokes.

I must have been told every Japanese joke ever invented. Whenever they threw a joke my way, I maintained a stone cold face. That was a little hard to do sometimes because I wasn’t Japanese and a few of the jokes were actually a little funny. But if I showed any emotion, I knew the jig was up.

Now if I were Japanese, every one of their jokes would have been a dagger to the heart. And it also made me somewhat immune to any other criticisms they leveled in my direction. If they called me stupid, an idiot, a klutz, an imbecile; I knew deep inside I really wasn’t because I was pulling the wool right over their eyes and they didn’t even realize it. This almost made me bulletproof from psychological abuse.



Twilightprincess
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20 May 2019, 11:23 am

This is something I struggle with a lot.

I try not to dwell on negativity too much but that’s often easier said than done.

Try to focus on the things you are good at and the things that you like about yourself. Also, pay heed to the positive things others say to you.



Sarahsmith
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20 May 2019, 11:56 am

My self esteem went up when I started living on my own. I tend to see other people as the problem now.



vinyl360
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20 May 2019, 5:30 pm

Thanks for all the advice, everyone! :D



shortfatbalduglyman
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20 May 2019, 9:30 pm

Someone told me that, it is only functional to have high self esteem because then, you accomplish more things

That could be correct

For some people

For me, if I feel high self esteem, why bother doing anything?


For example, to get motivated to lose weight, if I think I am going to drop dead from fat related disease, motivation


If I think I, am "healthy" or whatever, why go on a diet :roll:



"If you can beat them, join them. Or live outside it all. Creatures that live outside it all don't last long"


But I am 36 and postmenopausal

So whatever


:mrgreen:



auntblabby
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20 May 2019, 10:31 pm

DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world in full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is: many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Often attributed as "Found in Old Saint Paul's Church, Baltimore: Dated 1692."
Actually, Desiderata was written in 1927 by an obscure Indiana lawyer and poet named Max Ehrmann. Sources include: The Washington Post, November 27, 1977
.



vinyl360
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21 May 2019, 4:42 pm

PurpleKiwi wrote:
- I try to be kind to myself, thinking along the lines of if I wouldn't say it to a friend in the same situation why am I saying it to myself? This has varied success for me but it helps enough that I'm always willing to try it.

- I've also written down things I hate about myself or situation, I just scribble it all out devoid of neatness or order. When I'm done I rip it up into tiny pieces and throw it away. This gets used when I'm really angry rather than sad.

- I am a creative person so sometimes I just create for the purpose of creating. I try to keep no end goal in mind and just go where it takes me and not worry about what it looks like at the end. Sometimes I bake and the plus side after this activity is that there's tasty baking to eat.

Because I need myself right now, I'm going to go write a list of things I like about myself.


I'm trying to write positive things I did, and it puts me in a good mood at the end of the day. I'm also creative, except I usually do digital drawing and that also helps.
Thanks for your input! :mrgreen:



kraftiekortie
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21 May 2019, 4:44 pm

You sound like you're pretty smart.

I wasn't that smart when I was 15 years old....



Fnord
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21 May 2019, 4:47 pm

vinyl360 wrote:
Recently, I have had really low self-esteem and is working on improving it. Does anybody have any tips or advice for this type of stuff?
I stopped worrying about what other people think of me.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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21 May 2019, 6:10 pm

Everyone with high self esteem should be diagnosed with :heart: narcissistic personality disorder :lol: and :cry: delusion of grandeur :cry:



:mrgreen: