Negative self-esteem. I meant negative, not low.

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I have something to say: I'm stuck with negative self-esteem.

I was trying to do my English project, and my cat was getting in the way. I got all annoyed and had to take a timeout, and then just calmly gave up and said that I felt like admitting defeat - all because my mom didn't want me to take my introductory picture on our old furniture.

I really dislike myself, which leads to me having negative self-esteem, which leads to me being hard on myself, which today led to me freaking out at being distracted, which then led to me getting all petulant when my mom tried to help.

Is anyone else like this, and if so, can you give me some advice on how to overcome this?

I'm sorry that I don't know how to overcome negative self-esteem, but in my case, indulging in my special interest usually distracts me from whatever pain that I experience.

I am in a way - though I would not say negative. That would imply it is a value that can be added to or subtracted from. I just outright have no self-esteem. The only reason why I do not do certain things is because I have determined that I won't (like auto-pilot). Actually doing something requires a point/purpose. Likely you are just wearing yourself down because you are expecting too much when what you need to do is work yourself up little by little.

Find something that you can be proud about - something that is good about yourself. And yes, you are probably thinking there is "nothing good about yourself. You could disappear right now and the whole world would not even be better because of how insignificant you are." But the truth is, you can never know that to be sure. One of the interesting things about life though is that perception can be altered at will. Pick a few positive traits. Something you are good at doing. But it can be ANYTHING. Ask people if you have to. It will add a few points back to making your self-esteem positive. And then make them a definite part of who you are so that you never have to question it again.

For example, one to get you started: You may dislike yourself. But you definitely care about your well-being. Some people are stuck in denial. Some have given up on hope and settled with being less than their potential. But you recognize the root of your problem and show a desire to become a better person.

I do that too. It is, in fact, something I cultivated when I was young-- the way I thought I had to see myself, since I was a freak and all.

In adolescence, I cultivated it with an iron fist. And as long as I was very hard on myself, I seemed to be able to co-exist safely with NT teenagers. Not socialize, not befriend, but co-exist. Go to school every day without getting seriously hurt.

My mental health history (a binder unto itself) says I've paid a price for that. But you know all about that.

I haven't had a whole lot of luck in changing it. Some days are better than others, but the fact remains. It's always there, and I still embrace it, and I still believe that it's a big part of what keeps me from "looking like I have Asperger's."

Like that would be such a bad thing?? Really?? Really?? Frankly, I'd rather talk too much about wierd things, laugh too loud at the wrong time, and cry too easily when no one really gets why (not to mention be calm when everyone else is in tears). I'd rather do those things and be happy than expend all the energy that goes into "seeming" and suffer the self-hate that is necessary to make the expenditure of energy feel worthwhile.

Logically, this would be much more efficient. I think all the "seeming" should probably be filed under "Social and Cognitive Deficits of Neurotypicals."

It really does help to make a list of things you actually like about yourself, and keep it handy. At least, it has helped me. Some. It really does help to remember that you are always going to have your haters and detractors. That's part of diversity-- people have their own issues and pathologies, and that's OK. Somewhere we got this delusion that we're supposed to be perfect-- most of us have it, and it's stupid and deadly (not to mention that "perfect" is as changable as the weather).

It really helps me to snort and go, "Oh, BS, BB!" when I start tearing myself up. I do it in my head, sometimes in my Daddy's voice: "Oh, Jesus Christ!" It has gotten easier as I get older to laugh at myself and go on...

...but, then, I'm also not trying as hard to "seem" as I did in my teens and early 20s. I'm 34, I've got all the kids I'm ever going to have, if marriage doesn't make it I might not mind being alone. I do about enough "seeming" to avoid attracting attention so I can keep my family safe. That mostly involves keeping my mouth shut in public-- and trying to think of a job with a very simple script or relatively little polished interaction.

In short, no, I don't have any solutions. Until the world improves, negative self-esteem seems to be, sickly, adaptive for an Aspie.