dear aspergers i hate you

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your a parasite your a life setence and there isn't a thing i can do. I try and get along with you but you keep knocking me down. I cry nobody hears my screams. Why me god you're all loving and knowing why did you give me this disease? my attempts to inreract all fail in futility. Maybe suicide is an easy exit because nithing seems to be working!

Word of advice: Once you accept you'll never be one of them, not being able to interact the way they do may not seem as important, as it's just not your reality.

Yes, you could be pissed that it's not your reality, but too many people here spend time secretly wishing and hoping they'll magically turn NT (or at the very least the NT society will all of a sudden accept them and treat them as equals). It ain't gonna happen. So start asking yourself why do you want to fit in with them??

"your a parasite your a life setence and there isn't a thing i can do."

We all think this way at some time or another you know; what, you think you're all alone in this? Then why else would you come here?

"I try and get along with you but you keep knocking me down."

No, we're all different. just sit back, find out what you love about yourself and relax, and don't tell me your life is crap and you've got nothing going. you have to have something to live for, someone to impress. tell me about that?

"I cry nobody hears my screams. Why me god you're all loving and knowing why did you give me this disease?"

This disease allows you to travel lines of thought that would scare the hell out of any NT. set your mind up properly, find something you enjoy, and you'll have the spark of creativity that which most of the world would never understand nor comprehend.

There is no way to disprove god, nor is their any logical reason to believe in him. I, myself believe there is something, but it's not a traditional god that anyone's thought of. He doesn't care, nor does he have reason to; we are like ants to him. He gave you life, now it's up to you what you make of it, what do you expect? divine intervention for all your troubles? no, he's too busy watching you scurry about.

"my attempts to inreract all fail in futility."

Well, you must be doing something wrong. We all are.

What do you do? where do you work? what are your interests? what is your "social group?"

"Maybe suicide is an easy exit because nithing seems to be working!"

And what do you think that will accomplish? Take life by the balls, mess some stuff up, accomplish something. work towards YOUR goals, and step over those who would dare stand in your way.

Though that sounds a bit patronizing, it's basically true. I think Asperger's gives you the ability to "go there," where NTs wouldn't or couldn't. Unfortunately, may with AS don't "go there" either, perhaps out of fear or their own hangups. But I basically agree with this.

AS is something I have and I feel it serves no worthwhile purpose to talk negatively about it. AS is what it is and I am what I am. When I read your post I thought about the old saying "if a bullfrog had wings, it wouldn't bump his ass every time he jumped" If I had the ability to pre-order what my life would be like I would be independently wealthy and I would have a loving wife and children. Since I can't, I don't worry about it.

I'm happy with myself until I compare myself to others. I spent a lot of energy and wasted a lot of time; so many years just gone... I didn't know then what I know now. Understanding my limitations now, perhaps I can learn to deal with them, develop coping skills, and overcome them. But no matter what I do, I will always be just me, that same me I've always been. Am I alright with that? I have to be, because when I'm not is when my world is darkest. Accept. Forgive. Move on. What else can any of us do?

Many on here repeatedly say that the cause of the problems is trying to become like NTs rather than being on the spectrum itself, and many other threads ever since this site started would usually have people saying things like, "as soon as I accepted my limitations and stopped trying to do things that I just would never be able to do, I became happier".

That is fine if you have no hormones or you are a biological robot as well as a neurological one ; no built-in desire for love, companionship, feeling cherished, no desire for a sex life either. Many of those desires can be biological and hormonal in nature, and you cannot simply switch those off.

Those few on the spectrum who also lack such 'human' biological/hormonal needs, are probably the ones that find it easy to disconnect their desires from being around other people, shut themselves into their own blissful world and become happy doing so. In a way, those are the lucky ones ; but because of the impaired Theory of Mind, they advocate that other aspies should have no problems doing the same.

You've found this place. People listen to your cries here, and they understand what you're crying about and crying for. I'm new here and have always felt I spent my life crying for help from people who either didn't hear, didn't listen or didn't understand, until I arrived here and found a whole community who "got it".

And things I've learnt on here are helping me to explain myself better to friends and family who never really understood.

I disagree.

The condition may indeed limit you to highly logical and structured thought processes (which may be academically very creative), but it is not that which scares the hell out of most NTs.

What "scares the hell out of NTs", as you put it, is the perceived lack of fun and intellectual 'narrowness' that they see in the aspie's life in order to accomplish certain special skills which the aspie is 'proud' of.
The NT knows that they would have the intellectual capacity to memorize train locomotive numbers or stamp designs, but only if they chose to make their life sad enough to do so. They have better things to do that are far more enjoyable ; things that aspies cannot enjoy for various reasons. It's a bit like a paraplegic person saying "I can do tricks in my wheelchair that would scare the hell out of an able-bodied person". It's a non-argument.

Most NTs do indeed engage in highly logical thought & academia when they want to, but may also go out partying and drinking when they want to. As I've mentioned elsewhere on WP, NTs have that choice. Those on the spectrum, don't.

I don't believe that was the point Chaos_Epoch was trying to make, though I could be mistaken. It isn't about fascination with triviality, special interests, or academic creativeness, but rather a propensity to question the workings and behaviors of human beings collectively.

Because of our lot, most Aspies HAVE to do this, where NTs have the privileged of not having to. If there is any advantage for the aspie, it's that generally speaking, the NT is less likely to question or examine the shortfalls and darker side of the herd mentality to which they subscribe. They're oblivious to it, or they put it out of their mind, they don't go there. Whereas, the Aspie would.

That's a powerful sentiment. I agree with you 100%.



This is true, but not 100% of the story. I know many NT's who do challenge many, many aspects of accepted culture. They were taught to question and to think for themselves, not the way the schools teach "think for yourself but only what we tell you" but to really question things.

It might be more common in AS but it's not an AS only trait.

I never said it was AS-only. I said it was a luxury and privilege for NTs not to have to do this if they so chose. And it's not simply questioning aspects of "the culture." I'm saying it's questioning aspects of our own behavior.

People may speak generally about some of the ills of group-think, or tribalism, or what have you in a theoretical sense. But they seem to be oblivious (or in denial) when they themselves engage in such behavior. Since we're on the outs, we usually do see this in action. And people don't like hearing or even pondering that they may be acting a certain way based on herdism.

This is exactly what I meant when I said that. thanks again with this.

I was diagnosed with this thing about a month ago, and it's just now hitting me square in the face--yes, I have Asperger's. Yes, I'm upset because I don't know a whole lot about it, even though I'm reading up on what it is. Suicide has not once popped up in my head, though. It's not an answer to anything, trust me. Like another person before me posted, you've found a place where people will listen to you because they're going through the same things. It's frustrating, yes, but it's easier when you have people who know what you're going through.

I hate myself too from time to time and suicide seems like the easy way out but its not.Not much we can do.

I feel the same as the OP. Although I can't ever get rid of this abomination, knowing that still doesn't stop me from hating it. It's a bit like cancer, some people will never fight it but that doesn't mean they can learn to like having cancer. I know having AS isn't tragic like having cancer, and I'm not comparing, I'm just saying. (God, you've got to be so careful with what you say about cancer on here!)

I wish I wasn't cursed with AS. I didn't need to have it! All my 12 (first) cousins are all NTs, so why wasn't I born an NT like them? ASDs are more common in males, and the majority of people are born relatively ''normal'', so why didn't I have that chance? It's not like Autism is rife in my family, since nobody else has it only me. Both my parents don't have it, my brother doesn't have it, my mum's 3 siblings don't have it, my dad's 3 siblings don't have it, all of my cousins put together don't have it, my grandparents don't have it, so why have I just got it? Although it's been about 14 years since I was diagnosed, I still can't get my head round why I was born with AS and nobody else in the family was. It's just too hideous to comprehend. It's like I still can't believe it, when I think too deeply about it. It's like I'm labelled with this rotton AS thing, and there's nothing I can do about it. Makes me so angry.