On the edge of madness...please help me before its too late

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Im tired of this. I have this problem. Im always upset and depressed no matter what. I'm always worried, nervous, and on edge about something and I'm not even sure what it is. All I know is that it NEVER STOPS. I burst out into random fits of uncontrollable screaming every day and I cry myself to sleep every night but I don't know why. I cant just relax and be happy. And I really need a friend. I need somebody but I can never contact anybody. They are either busy, having phone troubles, or too busy with their own problems. And the worst part is I don't think anybody sees how bad this is for me. They think I am blowing everything out of proportion and just over reacting and that I will get over it. What they don't know is that no matter how hard I try it never stops. The misery just keeps coming. And the nightmares are getting worse. I use to be just fine till about a year ago. Whats wrong with me? I just wanna end my useless, miserable life. Somebody please help me. Talk me out of it....please....somebody help me....

depression can make life seem lousy, but it can be treated. let your family doc know how you feel so he/she can refer you to a good helper.

as far as someone to talk to, you can private message me any time. i'm usually online at least twice a day.

You may have what they used to call "agitated depression" which is treatable by medication, just that the first medication may not work, but the second, third, fourth might. Everything I've read, that's just where the science is at, plus that everyone's biochem is a little different.

Some counselors are good, others not so helpful. Your family doc himself or herself can prescribe antidepressants or anti-anxiety medication, or a psychiatrist, your choice. In either case, it is trial and error in a respectful sense.

Another thing, this kind of medication, you usually want to phase down in steps even if it doesn't seem to be working.

There's a zen "trick" or really just a zen method, which is just view a thought as a thought, and don't give it the extra power by fighting it. Let it flow like water.

Depression has both biochem and philosophic aspects, and both are real. When I talked to my internist two years ago, he told me one study found depressed people are actually more realistic than people not depressed. I told him I was struggling and wanted to give him a heads-up that I may be needing an antidepressant. I started doing better and didn't feel I needed it. But, it did help some to tell him all this and let him share some of the burden, even though he was probably only so-so.

And also be open to free positives and unexpected gifts, perhaps especially during difficult times.

Please consider us here at WP a resource and use us at times of your own choosing, and ask the same question twice in different ways if need be.

I personally believe the philosophical side causes the biochemical imbalance. Depression is just a holding pattern, a thought pattern in which you see everything as negative or hopeless.
This is then reinforced by your brain's neural networks and biochemistry, and before you know it you're stuck in a loop.

OP, are you on medication? Some medications can actually cause these feelings, rather than prevent them, some 'side effect' huh?
If you're not on medications, I would suggest trying it. But be careful, if you feel worse, tell the doctors immediately. If you feel yourself "getting better", don't be a fool. Your brain's chemistry is being altered but your philosophy hasn't changed.. take this time of 'feeling better' or at least neutral to work on your philosophy/mind.
You need to change the way you think, you need to re-program your brain and thought patterns. This sounds really complicated I'm sure, and it does take time, but it is best to try to modify one small negative thought pattern now, than to wait until you hit rock bottom or worse.

Good luck OP, I was in the same place as you a few years ago, as a teen.. It all felt hopeless and I was suicidal too, but for some reason I just kept going, and it did get better once I realized the drugs/medication were not going to help me and I had to find a way out of it myself..

"He who knows men is clever,
He who knows himself has insight,
He who conquers men has force,
He who conquers himself is truly strong"
- Daodejing, Lao Tzu.

Look and listen to positive things, videos, images, anything. The more positive things you see, the more positive you will feel.

I always find this video positive and inspirational
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wU0PYcCsL6o[/youtube]

Go to your local health food store or similar and buy HAPPY CAMPER pills IMMEDIATELY. They are amazing. They do NOT create a habit, they do NOT make you sleepy, but they DO calm you down and make you feel better. I promise. Then you can go visit a doctor if you wish, etc...but please, do that. I promise you that you will be extremely happy with the results.

Please see a doctor as soon as possible. You should not have to cope with this alone.
Your friends probably don't mean to seem uncaring, it can be hard to understand inner pain.

Or, the friends are self-centered. They just assume the nightmares are not a big deal instead of asking, Well, how bad are they and how often? And picking up from the very fact that you're telling them, that it probably is a big deal.

Maybe because the friends are afraid that if they acknowledge that it is serious, then they will feel trapped and obligated to help out. So, they make the bigger mistake of not really engaging in the conversation.

It would be so much better if a person at least listened with an open heart, even if they had to say, wow, I'm sorry, but I just can't do anything because I have my own problems. But most people simply do not have this level of social skill. I wish they did.

Regarding the "Happy Pills" from the health food store, my guess would be that it's the same trial and error as with any other medication. Afterall, herbal medication is real medication. And there's also a case to be made for starting on the light to medium side, seeing if the side effects are acceptable (which will be different for different people), seeing if it seems to be working (different for different people), and taking it from there.

Please see a doctor. Please consider going inpatient (rarely more than 10 days, and it's tolerable) and request outpatient afterward. That's longer (and you go home in the evening) and where most of the real work gets done.

Thank you everyone who replied to this. I'm going to try and take ya'lls advice and I'm supposed to go to the doctor on the 26th

oh and another thing. All the problems I told you about, it all seems to be twice as bad when im at home, expecially around my family. Anyone know why that may be?

You hate your home life? I dunno... without any details there's no way to know

Overstimulation maybe? too meny voices, yelling, people demanding interaction from you and breaking your routine for some examples? These can all do it for me.

I was doing tarot readings couple of years ago
There was a client who lived alone who used to call me up often
She had no one and she had a delusional life

She used to hear and see things
I could not gauge whether she was schizrophenic or
has she said it was spiritual guidance

But there were lot of variation in what she used to say

And the variations confused me.

I guess when a person becomes so eccentric others cannot also
cope up with their behaviour
If people are not contacting you probably its because you are acting strange

First you need to calm down, try some simple meditation like trataka
then focus on the aspects of your life which you want to change
Whether having friends or people to talk with.

Having people to listen wont really help
Because people are judgemental
You can keep yourself occupied by finding some volunteering opportunity.

I was there where you are now.
Its a lonely hard battle
I used to browse books and internet
and joined some meditation group to heal myself

Hope you find a path