On the precipice of life

Post Reply New Topic

So... I've just been pacing up and down recently - peripatetic sometimes works - and I think I concluded that whatever happens in three days' time will probably either allow life to flourish, what's verdant to grow... or lock me up in a nightmare for evermore. The nightmare not necessarily being worse than the horrid limbo, filled to the brim with anxiety, that I've been in for at least a year, and unconsciously for 3.5.

In three days' time I get to confirm whether a hostel will absolutely, truly reject me for no other reason than "having too many needs". Any answer though, at the very least, will get me out of this nightmarish purgatory, for if it's negative I will have to inevitably quit college (due to insurmountable anxiety) - this is a good thing in its own right, however, as having no such anxiety I'll be able to - at the very least - concentrate on improving this nightmare. I've waited for a whole, extremely miserable year, constantly on edge for the possibility that I might exit this limitless limbo - this is the decisive moment.

I've no idea how I'll channel my desperation if I'm rejected, but at least I won't teeter over the very edge, for all eternity, anymore...

[Moved from General Autism to The Haven]