Does it get better?

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I have been suffering from dissociation from myself and from others for so long. I keep waiting for the spaceship to arrive to retrieve me and take me back to where I can really exist. I'm not going to kill myself, but I am just so sick of living this half life.
Do I ever get to freely be myself? I feel so empty, like an animated corpse; no soul, just a marionette performing.
The only person in my life that matters is my Mom. She's 70 and I'm taking care of her more than her me.
I've given up on finding a mate; I used to think there was someone for me, but not anymore. I met the person I think I should be with and he is not interested. But why would he be, I don't have anything to offer (except sex, which I've been told I'm quite good at.) But I guess that is not enough.
I just don't see things getting better right now. I'm medicated as much as they can (I already have signs of tardive dyskinesia.) I'm just not sure if I'm even supposed to keep fighting. Maybe I am a waste of resources.
I just wish I didn't feel so incredibly alone all the time.

I am going through a very hard time myself right now. Music always helps me cope. Plus I try to say the Serenity Prayer to myself a lot.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I don't know if you believe in God or not, but it's a good poem with a great message either way.

Here are 2 songs that always help me when I feel extra down and detached from everything.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_u-NaCra2Y[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diaHnF-zfEg[/youtube]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It must be extremely difficult to feel disconnected all the time.

Have you ever tried meditation and/or yoga? Both of those are methods people use to feel grounded. Studies have shown that your brain gains gray matter the more meditation you do. This is associated with feeling connected and grounded. It's like exercising a muscle- you practice focusing on yourself during meditation, and it increases your ability to focus on yourself in general. As you get stronger, you will notice yourself feeling connected more and more of the time.

You might be thinking your problem does not involve a lack of self awareness. But dissociation is exactly that- an inability to connect your mind and body. Not because you don't want to, of course.

You may have to be patient, it will probably not magically fix everything after one try. Honestly, though, you have nothing to lose but a few minutes of your day. It's pretty easy- find a comfortable, quiet place to sit or lay down. Close your eyes and try to focus on your breathing. If your mind wanders or thoughts pop into your head, don't get mad, just redirect your attention to again focus on your breathing. Try it for 5 minutes 2-3 times a day at first. Gradually increase it from 5 minutes to 15. If you commit to doing this for a month or two, you should notice you feel more connected throughout your day. You will also get rid of anxiety this way, if you have any.

Yoga is also good in the same way meditation is (mostly because the two are related).

If you want to speed up the process, be sure you are eating lots of protein. Take good quality, fresh fish oil capsules (don't use the cheapo brands, they won't work). Your brain will need this to build the connections you are developing.

I hope you feel better soon.

I like the Serenity Prayer. I first heard it at AA. Thank you for reminding me of it. And thanks for the tunes - music is a great distraction.
I hope things get better for you too. Sometimes life is just so frustrating.

Thanks for the advice. I do meditate and it helps me to take a step back and calm down. I find I keep my muscles tense all the time and have to remind myself to relax. I'll try the yoga, it may help with this.