Trying to hold together...

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I just relapsed into my obsession with my ex boyfriend again. I got curious and looked at his girlfriend's Facebook, then his, and felt sad for some reason. I think it's because my current boyfriend has been more distant lately because we have finals this week in college. I moss how my old boyfriend would be here almost every day; I miss the "country" life I visited when our families still got along (he, his brother and his dad used to help with yard work, then we had a falling out because they pulled some stuff on us). I went in about a minute from wanting to talk to my current, amazing boyfriend to getting all emotional and missing my ex. I hate myself for it because 1. He emotionally abused me, 2. If I really loved him I would be happy he's with a girl that makes him happy and 3. I feel like I'm doing something so wrong to my current boyfriend. To top it off "Tim McGraw" by Taylor Swift just came on my mp3 player and I am choking back tears as I write this...I guess I just needed to vent somewhere where nobody I'd recognize or know in real life will see it. Has anyone else ever relapsed into a painful obsession like this/

I feel conflicted because on one hand I'm still angry a year later about what he did and on the other, I miss being just friends with him and wish we could have stayed friends, but no, when I saw he was with someone else I flipped out and blew up at him and he blocked me from his life. I sort of want to go back and apologize but at the same time I know he'll just think I'm psychotic or pathetic.

An apology, if you are sure you were in the wrong might not be a bad thing, but at this point it sounds that reconnecting in any way may just prolong your sadness/obsessing. When relationships end it is usually best to try and put them completely behind you and devote yourself to the new.

Sometimes the hardest part of a breakup is losing the friendship. It sounds like that is what's getting to you more than anything.

If he was abusive, you are going to feel drawn to him. That's how it works...until you stop it. It's hard, but you should keep away from him. Not all abusers are evil demon people. He probably wasn't all bad, which is why it's so hard to let go. Unfortunately, you have to give up everything good about the abuser because emotional abuse is unacceptable under any circumstances. It can be very hard to lose a relationship like that, and you might have bouts of missing him for quite some time after breaking up. But you should remind yourself that some things are deal breakers. Emotional abuse is one of those things.

I don't think you are doing something bad to your current bf. You aren't cheating on him. It sounds more like you are missing someone who used to be a close friend, especially now when you're under stress and your bf is distant. You can't help how you feel.

Don't be too hard on yourself. It's always hard when you lose someone, even if the reason is you had to let them go because they were harmful. In this case that's not exactly what happened, but you get what I mean. It's normal to mourn a loss of any sort.