Love yourself to make others love you?

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I hate when people say "if you love yourself, others will love you too", or even worse "if you don´t love yourself, don´t expect anyone else to love you". This sounds like love and acceptance by others is conditional. like you have to prove that you love yourself to make other accept you.

Of course love and acceptance are conditional to most, if not all, people. It makes no sense to love someone in absolutely any and all circumstances. Love would be meaningless otherwise.

I'm not entirely sure what it means, either.

"Do things that are good for you." – Yes, I do that. I think my lifestyle is relatively healthy.
"Accept yourself." – Well, I kinda have to... But I always try to improve.

I would say that we need to love ourselves to feel good and be happy. But saying that if you won´t, others will not love you is kinda cruel .

Its a load of crap said by people who can walk out the door and find someone to love just by going to the store.

I don't think people mean that in the most literal sense. I think they mean that if you are happy with yourself people are more likely to be drawn to you because you give off "good vibes" or whatever. So I think it'll help to be happy and love yourself, but it is not requisite for others to be able to love you.

It's cruel but it's true. You have to believe in yourself before anyone else will believe in you. Even people you care about.

Can't say I totally agree, why should someone be 'un-loved' just because they aren't in a position to 'believe in them self...and then where are they even supposed to get that ability with no support. So not so sure it's exactly 'true' for everyone...unless I just think my close family members actually care if what you say is true then they are faking.

Must I point out:


social comes before self esteem, so if one rather than being supported is bullied and ostracized for instance they aren't able to appropriately gain self esteem since some sort of acceptance or social support comes first. It would appear humans don't do so well in isolation so to speak.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 03 Mar 2013, 5:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

This.

Seems like "acceptance," "believing in oneself," and "love" are being discussed as if they were all the same thing. They are not.

Yes maybe, but I think its likely because the whole idea of 'love yourself before others can love you' is kind of vague and leaves room for some interpretation.

People have been there for me when I have been at flailing in the pit and totally lacking in self-love. Well, one person has, my Mom. Not sure I would expect anyone else.
People look for strength in other people, if it is lacking, they will pull away.

Well I have believed in myself and people still turn away from me so they must be going on looks so they never even try to get to know me if they wont talk to me in the first place-how will they ever know-vibes arent everything-some very shallow people end up getting people to love them even though they can be awful sometimes-just because they are superficially good.

Sad but true. But i think it depends on the person

Its probably just another way of saying "be confident", and people are more attracted to confident people.
If you dont like yourself, you are probably more inclined to be a bit sad looking, another thing that isnt as attractive as happy sunny people.

So, if you "love" yourself, dont measure yourself against "normal" people as a yardstick, think of your quirkyness as an attractive mark of individuality, you will be happier and less reserved.

I thought only NTs feel this way.

Does that also mean that if you are bullied, ostracized etc. it´s your fault?

I´m tired of having to make efforts to get acceptance. I´m tired of the world where you have to be (or have to pretend to be) strong, perfect, flawless, happy, where you can´t affort to show weaknes. That´s what I liked about Christianity -unconditional love.

And also, dogs are better than people in this. If you have a dog, you know that your dog loves you unconditionally, doesn´t judge you for who you are, doesn´t care about anything else than how you behave to him/her. Humans should takes example from dogs in this.