Special interests,guilt and self hate

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I just had one the worst conversations with my mother I think I’ve ever had. I basically admitted that I have an obsessive interest in firearms and weaponry. (It is my “special Interest”) I told her that it wasn’t something I can’t control and she responded that I need to see my psychiatrist.She hates my interest and I don’t know what to do, I feel completely alone and for the first time in a while I don’t think my parents understand me. I tried telling them that I can’t control it, but they didn’t understand. All it did was make my mother upset and cause the strongest feelings of self-hate I’ve felt in a while. I’ve had the same interest since I was 8 and I’ve been suppressing it hoping that I would find the words to explain it but I failed. I don’t know what to do I even tried indulging the interest to cheer myself up but all it did was make me feel guilty.

With all that has been going on these past few weeks, that is not a surprising response. But I am guessing in general she would react to that.

There is nothing wrong with having a special interest in firearms. They have just been lumped with very negative stereotypes which completely ignore how they are really supposed to be used and how interesting they really are.

Perhaps you can try going more subtly until you are free to explore all on your own? For example, I have been obsessed with death since I was 3 (try that for casual conversation) - but I satisfy the obsession by intertwining it with other things: mythology, movies, awkwardly deep short stories, etc. So if you have lesser obsession you can work with, perhaps try working with that.

Don't hate yourself for having something you genuinely enjoy - that is like hating yourself for being happy.

Firearms and weaponry are amazing interests.
But being interested in weaponry and aquiring it for its intended purpose are two, very, very different things.

Its like a woman telling ppl she loves kids (if she has none) and a guy telling you he loves kids (if hes alone). Both are seemingly quite different when viewed the eyes of someone who has kids.

Ppl have very unusual misconceptions that are commonly accepted as general logic.

I had a conversation with her this morning.She was much more rational and even suggested that I should call my cousin if I want to try shooting.
She still doesnt seem to understand that millions of people do it recreationally but its progress