So many issues, please help

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I am a selfish, bitter, cynical, frequently angry, depressed 25 year old (26 in two weeks) male. Everyday, I wake up miserable with a "F*** The World" attitude. I have a job I hate as a supermarket cashier and have been working there for almost 7 and a half years. I have been diagnosed with depression since I was 13 (and have been medicated for it for just as long) and was diagnosed with Asperger's at 14. I have an extremely pessimistic view on life and focus solely on the negative aspects on my life. My friends have told me frequently that all I have to do is just wake up with a more positive outlook, but I have tried this multiple times but never works. It always fails and I end up feeling worse than I did before. Recently, I've been getting so bad that I've been pushing away my family and friends with my selfish and negative behavior. I have a good family life and my social skills are pretty good for someone with AS (social skills worker at 14 and 15 helped a lot) and have a lot of friends, but the one thing I've never been able to get through is my negativity. I don't want to be negative, but it's probably the one constant I've had throughout my life that I have a comfort zone and I try to feed off of pity from my friends (which hasn't been coming since they're fed up with me). I post all my problems on Facebook (which is obviously an unhealthy habit), get comments about my crappy behavior and how it's not helping me, and I just get angrier. I've been told I need some kind of release to get rid of my anger and bitterness, but everything I've tried and used doesn't work or doesn't work anymore. I used to play video games regularly but I have no concentration for it. I can't read much (which I also used to be able to do) because of my bad attention span. I used to listen to music all the time and that was the one thing that always helped, but even now, nothing works. Nothing I do anymore works for me. I really want some help with this and I want to avoid going to any therapists because I can't afford them right now and I really don't like therapists much anyway. I figured if anyone could help me, it would be people that probably went through the same issues.

There is always hope that you can mellow as you age just like fine whiskey. Keep hanging in there - you never know.

And now, a word from our sponsors.

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I hear what you are saying. I have been similar most of my life too. I am always getting told I am too serious, negative blah blah. At 45 years of age, I am now heaps better than I used to be, but still struggle with depression and pessimism on a daily basis.

How long has it been since you have had a medication review? Sometimes our bodies can become resistant to the meds we are taking. I am not sure what is in side of the world, but in Australia there is a 12 step program/support group called 'Grow'. They are a support group for those with mental health issues, and although Aspergers/ASD are not mental health issues as such, depression is. I found this group very supportive, so if you could find something similar perhaps that may be a start? There is no easy fix, as you have found out, and it does take work on our behalf, but if you can find some positive, supportive people to be around it may help.

Additionally, I know it sounds corney, but try and find at least 5 things each day to be grateful for. Start with basics, you have a job and money coming in, food on the table and a place to stay, etc etc.

I am sure other people will have lots of other ideas too. You are more than welcome to pm me if ever you want to talk about things.

(((hugs)))

Maz

i can send u a book

i think you have stuck anger................let it go.

depression is anger turned inwards - its a submission response

deal with anger - when was first time you felt anger and why

Please do, if you have one. You seem to know quite a bit about this.

dude, you have to email me an address or click the sig link.

Exercise always helps me burn off bad energy. I don't get depressed very often anymore, but when I do, I try to get myself really pissed at the fact that I'm depressed, and then burn off that anger. I dunno... maybe that sounds stupid, but it works for me most of the time.

Hi, I like exercise, too.

And I've also experimented with my method of 0, 1, 2, or 3 writing. Meaning I will write down zero, one, two, or three things, maybe something I wish I would have done differently, or someone else would have done differently, or an observation about human nature, or anything else in the world. And these things I write down are one sentence or maybe, maybe a very short paragraph. That it, I like the idea of underdoing the writing.

Try boxing. Hitting a bag or a slam man is great fun! Seriously tiring to do also, if you can do 3 minutes solid punching you are pretty fit.

Focus on something else (other then yourself). Rescue an animal, help some friends, get involved in a positive movement. I don't mean to say you are selfish, just that it may be it will help to get a broader more balanced perspective.