Let me start by saying I really, really hate Christmas. As an active Christian, I love what it stands for and am all about celebrating the birth of our savior. But that's not Christmas anymore.
So this weekend, we went to my dad's house where he, my grandma, my stepmom, my sister, my brothers, my oldest brother's wife and 3 kids, my husband and son and stepson were all crammed together and that went fairly smoothly. Then we went to my moms where her, my stepdad, my other sisters, and my other brothers and their spouses and kids as well as my family were. That even went pretty well, considering my mom and I don't really get along. Two days later, we finally got home, went to my in-laws place and finally got home. The next morning, we were supposed to go return gifts and pick up a microwave. As soon as we got outside, my truck wouldn't start. We spent the whole day trying to get it in to someone to fix, before finally that night taking my husband's truck. I was just about to melt down. MY husband holds me and says its going to be okay and not to cry and it was good that it didn't break down at my dads 3 hours away. I calmed down some and then when we went to the store, he got all upset and started saying how much it was going to cost to fix and everything, and then couldn't understand why I got "all quiet" again. He couldn't seem to get "today wasn't supposed to be like this"
Then yesterday I was still so tore up and trying to make dinner and burned my hand and the potatoes and the chicken fell apart and I was shaking and stimming and he didn't understand and him and my stepson kept wanting to talk to me and I just couldn't. and I haven't stopped being shaky since. Today he is at work and I have been trying to get things done and failing miserably. They thing I needed to order to fix a christmas present wouldn't take my credit card, my cell phone stopped working in a town I'm not entirely familiar with, and I couldn't find any hot chocolate mix in this whole friggin useless town!! (my usual method of calming down) It's been a solid week of non-stop stress, mostly small stuff after dealing with my family but its all really adding up and I don't know what to do. I can't fight a wall or punching bag or anything like I normally can because of a broken wrist, and my nerves are just fried. I can't explain how I feel to my husband, because I don't have the words and he doesn't understand. MY mind locked up on the way to my dad's and he and my stepson made fun of me for it. That hurt. HE's usually so much better than that.
28 Dec 2012, 6:03 pm
