Tips on reaching the proper mood for suicide?

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I've come to the conclusion that I most likely will be killing myself, next year. I will be waiting out 2012, though, in case some significant, positive, paranormal event, unlikely enough takes place at the end of the year. I have given up on the thought of finding my true love, for some time, already, and after the Internet likely will end up something much different, soon, and manga and anime - one of my few interests - already are being put under the spell of heavily increased censorship, what's the point? Everything I once feared is happening, and more. I also can't even eat, properly, anymore, due to all the bugs in food - I will keep weakening, physically, due to this - with time, I'd even get brain damage. There are too many reasons to die. I am simply dead inside, by now. Some people close to me have died, too, and the only reason I have been "sad" has been because it was the proper thing... just an act.

Advice on reaching the proper mental state will be much appreciated. Thank you. Additionally, tips on how to make it easier for people close to me, afterwards, also would be very good.

There's still time for you to find your true love. I'm glad you are going to wait until the upcoming apocalypse fails before you destroy yourself. Although I think this would be a mistake. What if you don't find your love until you're in your eighties ... it could happen.

Regarding the bugs in your food - what do you mean? Do you see these bugs ... if so, you should talk to a doctor. There are microscopic creatures all over the place, but they shouldn't stop you from eating.

I don't know what the proper state for suicide is and I hope I never do. As for preparing people, you can't. They will be heartbroken.

Regarding the internet ... freedom always finds a new incarnation.

The number one tip I have is DO NOT DO IT. Please tell your doctor you're feeling this way as soon as possible.

Don't give up on love. I know being so severely depressed makes you want to give up on everything. Please hold on long enough to get better.

Have you told your doctor about the bugs-in-food thing? I'm not sure what you're referring to but if it's something with a biological basis then it's not something that affects people at any important level. You can be happy but your mind is currently giving you only sad and bad things to focus on it seems.

Also true love could be thought of as the state of ultimate trust. If that's the case it might possibly help to think of the fact that this love already exists for you somewhere in the world waiting to find you but you have to have trust, even despite your current knowledge of what is out there, that it is out there and you will be happy in the future. I don't say this because I think you should hang on pointlessly or delude yourself, I say it because I truly and honestly believe that it is depression and maybe related issues that are keeping you from finding the love you want at this time, but I also truly believe you can and will find it once you feel better and look at things from a a different angle and maybe take new approaches to life based on new knowledge that comes in to you.

I am really sorry you're feeling so bad and please please call a doctor if you haven't yet to discuss this.

I believe that it is just as unethical to give advice on how to commit suicide as it is to give advice on how to commit murder.

Please reconsider your request.

Would benzodiazepines help with going through it? If I take lots of it, maybe it'd be easier? The therapist I've been seeing, before, has no idea how bad I'm doing (although it's far worse, by now), and is prepared to help me get them prescribed, if what I already got, against anxiety, doesn't help (which it doesn't).

...I'm not waiting until my eighties to find my true love... bleh. I'm not going to become old. Just forty is too old, for me (I'm thirty, now).

There are lots of bugs in food - it's not just in my mind - mites and macropods, if nothing else, and the other day I found a much bigger bug in something I was about to eat (but never started eating). It makes me want to stop eating entirely, when I start thinking about it (like I now have been)... god knows how many bugs, or parts of bugs, I eat in a single day. I can't even eat without having to be a bit disgusted, every time I swallow. I do not have an eating disorder, by the way - not yet. I'm sure I may develop one, soon, though.

...Ugh, I have so much anxiety, right now. :/

I'm not going to tell any doctor how I'm doing. As always, I will put on my decent-enough-but-not-quite-decent face, if I do decide to get the benzos, which I suppose I should. Even if I *would* want to tell a doctor about how I'm feeling, I couldn't, as they've wanted to put me in a psych ward, some years back, while very likely ending up giving me anti-psychotics and/or ECT, as that's what they were talking about, just before they wanted to commit me. This is no exaggeration - it is not paranoia - I even have witnesses to when they were wanting to put me away. All this was based on the lamest "reasons" ever, such as hating Microsoft. Yes, really. In other words, I have zero faith in the psychiatry, and even if they wouldn't be this way, what could they do? Would they be sorcerers that would make my true love magically appear before me? Or would they donate me large amounts of money, so I could travel the world in the search for her? I've lost almost all of my savings on bad share investments, so a donation would be needed, for that.

I did have trust in finding her, before. I even had trust after my first ex was unfaithful to me. After my second ex also was unfaithful, it started falling apart, though. Both were Internet-based relationships, at least, so I didn't lose my virginity, but even still, it started feeling different, inside... gone were the days of "knowing" I would find her. I even went so far as to see myself as "chosen" to find her. I realize now that I must have been a bit delusional. At least I had hope, though. :/

You also think that committing suicide is as bad as murdering a person unwilling to die. I have seen your post in the other thread. I consider it unethical to have such obnoxious views on it. Please reconsider your opinion on suicide being as bad as murder.

I hope you will change your mind and that you find your true love.

I read this during my last meltdown:

Quote -
"People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead."


Here's the website:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/



Hopefully the world will have a significant positive paranormal event towards the end of 2012 too.

Let's not start trouble where none is warranted - this isn't about me.

I hope that you don't go through with it and can find some reason to keep going, sorry I don't have a lot of helpful advice.

YOU MUST GET HELP IMMEDIATELY!! ! DON'T DO THIS TO YOURSELF!! ! GET HELP NOW!! !

It kinda is, since you're involved now.

Anyway OP, it's a pretty overwhelming feeling... you don't just work your way up to it. Something happens to you, it may be big or small, but it reflects a larger problem and all of a sudden life really isn't worth hanging on to anymore. The kind of thing I'm talking about can't be planned, to my knowledge.

I can't imagine even trying to until you reach that point... which sucks because it's such a pathetic state of mind.

If you are not honest with your doctors, they cannot help you. I'm in my fourties, so I guess I'm passed mattering; but just for the record, doctors can help. They may not experience what you are experiencing themselves, but they are educated to be of assistance. I've been in a psych ward, it's not the end of the world. Don't give up on yourself; the world is not your enemy.

They threatened to put him in an asylum... of course they are the enemy. f**k that s**t.

There are a lot of really bad ones out there and you can be held indefinitely.

I agree with what Ann said. I've been in psychiatric wards too. For what it's worth things have gotten better since I wanted to kill myself several months ago, significantly better, in that I'm thinking of all these beautiful things I could make and not having the helpless I-want-to-die feeling. I did get put on a different anxiety medicine, that could very well be making a difference, and also having people attend to you in real life and listen to your problems makes a difference. (I mean clinically, it can measurably affect your happiness and relaxation levels.)

Also I know I've said this to you but I think my fear and depression focuses itself on a very similar target to yours. I don't want to grow older, I want perfection and beauty and it has in the past completely tortured me when I felt it was out of my reach. Well yes the growing older part is inevitable but I have actually begun to feel lately that it is a beautiful and even courageous adventure. I had not thought of it like that before, I just thought of it as slowly fading, but this new way of looking at it seems much more accurate. Now I'm seeing moving through time as being on an epic quest and it may seem like it's forever that you're trapped in a miserable place but that is only a few chapters and eventually you'll find a different view. I don't know how useful this might be to you, I mean you sound very depressed and like you need to talk candidly with a doctor as soon as possible about how you've been feeling and what you've been thinking, that seems imperative at the moment, but maybe keeping in mind that how you view the world now or even how you've always viewed it can change, for the better, could be helpful?

Please don't kill yourself.

Also as for paranormal events go it doesn't mean it will happen on that exact date. You never know when the awakening will actually take place.. isn't it worth hanging around to find out?

I've seen what you've written about death and I don't think it's true or healthy. Whatever help you seek, please do. And take care.

I think the haven is generally a place for support and comfort. I don't believe in assisting someone in suicide as being comforting.

Even if I were to believe you really had used all options in life and you doing it was a "kindness" what advice anyone posts here could be used by someone who was possibly just having a really bad time in life and may someday snap out of it.

As for making it easier for people close to you.. if they really care--they'd be devastated for years to come no matter what you did. The way my aunt died, affects my mom horribly to this day and has changed her life for the worse. Not technically suicide but she was only 50 and could've more than likely been saved had she not refused treatment because of her fear of hospitals.

I'm not checking out early. I'm stubborn and here to stay till the bitter end.

I don't care if I'm bald and wrinkly and have big coke bottle glasses. I don't care if I even have to drive one of those electric carts carrying an oxygen mask or if half of my morning breakfast is pills or I lose all my teeth.

And when I'm 90 years old I won't care if people are tired of my stories about the lame ass president we elected in 2012.


Does becoming like this seem terrible? Well yeah. And I'll probably complain all the time lol. Then I'll wake up at 4:30am and take naps all day. That's not all bad is it? Sure you're sore but you can loaf around sleeping a lot.

But what if...... I'm actually alone? Being a little more serious. Maybe I'm in some low rent high rise for old folks with my few possessions. Well maybe I can visit the library if I can still read for s**t. Or oggle my hot robot maid. Or go bug people in the community room watching the news on their Sony Hologram. I mean what maybe I didn't get married and have kids? Oh well that's how it worked out.

Anyway in my own case I'm 35 now and still single. My 40s aren't that far away. My brother is married though and has one kid. Maybe I could contribute to his college fund or leave him an inheritance. That's not such a bad way to contribute to the next generation if I want to.

But geeze I don't have to go to a dark place and snuff myself with drugs or a pistol because I'm not married.