I hate myself. Looking for some love. :'(

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Sorry for posting the million'th "I hate myself" thread, but I do hate myself. Very much.

I keep turning these thoughts over and over in my head. My family is at war with itself. My mom and sister are always angry at each other. My parents are divoriced. There is no love.

All of my friends are in romantic relationships. The girl I have had a crush on for a few months has a boyfriend. I always feel left out whenever friends are around. And I must be hypersensitive because the littlist things make me so depressed I can barely live.

So I feel worthless. I've considered taking my life on many occasions (have no purpose/might as well not clog up the planet). I feel lonely every day, regardless of how many people I'm surrounded by. I want to be happy but I never stay happy.

I'm tall and underweight at 148ish pounds. Skin and bones. My heart is empty. I can never do enough. I hate my aspergers because it makes me a different person than everyone else.

Sorry for ranting. I'm so angry and jealous and frustrated. I think part of the reason why is that I don't understand myself ... and neither does anyone else.

If you are not on meds, perhaps you need to ask a doctor if any would be suitable for you. If possible, try to find face to face depression support groups as well. DBSA and NAMI would be good places to start looking. Also, any public mental health services offices (whether US or not) in your area might be able to point you in the right direction too. I with I could say being on the outside looking in is easy to fix, but it's not. It can get better over time with effort and support though. Perhaps the best thing you can do is try to focus your social interaction (possibly at other venues) away from having the intent of having a romantic relationship. There will be a time to seek one, but for now, the more you focus on it, the worse it's going to be to deal with.

My appointment with the psychiatrist is next week. It feels like such a long time.