I need to cut myself off from my family

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I recently found out my Uncle died. I found out by a facebook message. My sister flat out lied about having no other way to contact me. My other sister refused to take my call. And, my brother said he would only stop by my house if it was "OK with my much younger cousin". Excuse me? It's been weeks and no news of funeral arrangements or any type of memorial gathering. My Uncle died in another state pretty far away. I have visions of my family having him cremated no matter what he may have wanted and having him shipped back here via FedEx, just because they don't want to be bothered. I've been dealing with their mind control, manipulation, emotional abuse, backstabbing, browbeating, and lying for decades. This deal with my Uncle was the last straw. Part of me wants to be there for one or two of my siblings. But, I can't take all the other junk any more. I need advice on how to cut myself off. I was raised that if these specific people don't acknowledge your existence, you don't exist. I accept guilt readily even if it isn't offered and these people live to drown you in it. Because of the decades of seeing them doing this to other people even the idea of what they might say bothers me. I need to break away, even from the guilt they pre-implanted into my mind. Any advice? Similar experiences? I'm a mess in my head right now. Thanks for reading even if you feel like you have nothing to add because you have no similar experiences.

I have some fairly atrocious family members too.

My aunt and uncle used to live with my grandmother, in my grandmother's house. My uncle molested a family member (which was swept under a rug) and my aunt is unstable. My gma just hides her head in the sand. Ya know the proverbial ostrich. They also like to play the I'm such a poor helpless baby routine. They hardly leaves the house only to shop and junk the house up more. They can barely pay bills, take care of things like taking out trash, wash dishes, laundry, etc. Since they are soooo lazy. They couldn't take care of my gma, so my mom had to step up and take my gma in and take care of her. So my gma had to leave HER own house and give it up to her awful children. Who barely call now, act like the burden is off their shoulders and it just kills me. How can anyone treat the elderly like that...or treat anyone like that for that matter. I have tried. I give up. They won't listen to me. Whatever suggestions I have they just don't. I am much smarter than them and I think that intimidates them. I want to cut them out of my life because they just aren't good for me and my family. I think the only thing I can do is tell them off. Call them, message them or whatever. Tell them how I feel. What they did wrong, how they should correct it, etc. But I feel it may be pointless.

Yes, my family is very dysfunctional and we don't get along, so I stopped trying to have a normal relationship with any of them. They don't call me and I don't call them. In practice, it's that easy, but it's hard to get over the idea that my own relatives are such terrible people, or are just so different that we can't be friends.

the purpose of true guilt is to cause a change in behavior. if you don't need to change and still have guilt, it's false guilt. when these feelings come, remind yourself of the realities of your situation. it may take some mental work, but false guilt will get less.

Do try and be there for the one or two siblings, if you can. And they also need to do their part, too

And maybe briefly tell an older family member that you want to be informed of important family news. At least they will then know they are letting you down, or not (I guess very limited expectations).

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I also come from a dysfunctional family where my dad is a bully, a blamer, and a "be-righter."

If any relationship is making you unhappy and causing you pain its better to cut off from it

There is no point ranting and becoming depressed over relationship

Its better to live alone and die alone and keep only people who matter to you and care about you
rather then have loads of people around you who will eventually bring you down in every way.

I try and treat everyone with respect and fairly but I also expect that in return. So my rule with people is if they treat me poorly and it is not mendable, to simply cut them off completely. I feel no responsibility to be treated badly by anyone whether they are related or not. I do regret it can not work out, but it is their problem not mine and their's also to fix. If they do make a genuine effort however, I do not hold a grudge. With relations I will go the extra mile but I won't stay in a destructive relationship.

The way you seem to be going which is staying in contact with those you get along with only, sounds like the best approach.

my mom died last april, i started therapy and the therapist actually gave me the advice to take a break from my family (false guilt is also a topic here). i did not dare until september, i wrote my grandfather&granny a letter and my dad an e-mail, i think, claiming i need space for myself, don't take it personal (haha) blabla.
i felt guilty until about one month later. then i felt very reliefed. i continue therapy still, and i have lots of other things ongoing that need to be taken care of. only two weeks ago i met my dad for dinner with friends, it was okay. he said he wanted to see me once a month but i said i cannot guarantee.
i justify this by saying to myself- this is temporary. i cut off so much from my life to please them, and this has to stop. i need to find myself before i can face them again, and this might take quite some time. i can also highly recommend cognitive therapy in general if you can have access to that, because of your situation and the sudden changes.

if you don't embrace talking about death or are a religious person you might want to stop reading here.

i don't think death/funeral is such a huge thing as some people want to make us believe. i knew my mom wanted a different funeral, i wanted to participate in planning but they did not let me. i believe for now funeral is a huge show for the next eldest relatives. they just to their thing, and there is nothing you can do about it, so sit back and enjoy or stay away. the deceased is dead anyways so there is nothing you can do about that, only keep them in your own memory. it helped me to remember my mom my own way in my own room (i keep several memorabilia of her). i remember her fondly but i know the grave they put up for her is totally cheesy (think butterflies on the tombstone), so when i go there i did it for my granny to accompany her. right now i dont feel i have to please her so i don't go there. so for you situation i would not go BECAUSE "for your siblings", you go there because you want to enjoy the show. if you don't, then don't go. this will only make you feel bad. maybe ask your siblings to take pictures for you&send them, so you're "somewhat" participating with them. that's just my point of view.