Hey.
It's nighttime, and I can't sleep.
I am afraid.
I have a lot of anxiety regarding change and transitions. I am only mildly annoyed by small changes in my schedule, such as to plan a day to hang out with a friend, or to plan a meeting or something. But larger transitions, such as college, or an entirely new schedule, leaves me very anxious. I have anxiety before the change occurs as well as during it.
For example, last semester was my first one staying on campus at a university. It's only 45 minutes away from home, but I've never lived away from home before. A few weeks prior to the fall semester, I had anxiety attacks nearly every night, and I'd be crying and want to die. They always seemed irrational...
Also, for the first two months at uni, I had nocturnal anxiety attacks on and off. I simply couldn't cope. I was asked to stay at home a few times so I wouldn't disturb the other residents. That always made things worse, since coming home and having to drive to school was another transition.
I don't know what to do. I cannot follow advice when I'm anxious, nor reach for coping mechanisms. I feel stuck.