Ouch (OCD and other fun)

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Today my obsessive thoughts are just way too much. Constant thoughts are plaguing me of suicide, self-contempt, imagining (or perceiving? I dunno) other people's contempt towards me. I actually have no intent whatsoever to follow through on the suicidal thoughts but it really is a bit much when entire days can pass by without me getting 5 peaceful minutes alone in my head without this crap. (edit: In fact in a perverse way I think I could deal with the thoughts themselves better if I *did* have some genuine plan to self harm). The summary I've given of what's going on in my head is rather lacking but my thoughts are rather disordered at the moment so communicating on any kind of complex level is not going to happen for me right now.

I'm not really expecting some huge number of replies as I don't think there is anything you guys can do to help me be rid of the thoughts (unless someone wants to come round for a brew and a chat lol? :p (not serious to be clear, not a crazy internet stalker here (ok I'm moderately crazy and on the internet but I'm NOT a stalker :p))). I just thought that maybe putting it into writing might help. It occurs to me that maybe I should start a blog. Has anyone else tried blogging as a therapy or outlet for OCD/depression?

I understand that. I have had issues today with my OCD being really bad. My interests are just killing me. Too many feelings and emotions. I hate it. I have tried doing blogs, poems, writing and I do some. But I can never really follow through and give it up fairly easy. I would rather not let anyone I know read them. Maybe just the lucky ones on WP lol.

Hi invisiblesilent I really want to understand and help you better, and wondered what you've been up to. I too have been through phases when I was paranoid and thought everyone I knew and loved was "out to get me" and felt really hurt during my depressed phase a few years ago, which lasted for many months and was before I was officially diagnosed with AS. It gets better. I've never had self-harm thoughts but have had panic attacks, paranoid thoughts about my parents, best friend and others close to me, and meltdowns.

Because I've been through so many experiences I can try and put it in perspective. The correct medication does help, and I am sure that a good diet, hygiene and exercise all play a positive role.

Maybe getting a notebook and writing down whatever comes into your head can help you deal with the OCD thoughts. Just keep it safe from any prying eyes!

Let me know how it's going - keep us updated please.