Trying to stop this self-fulfilling prophecy.

Post Reply New Topic

So I have my birthday coming up on Friday. I haven't had a good birthday in years (21 years old was the last time) because I actually had to do some sort of breakup on my 22nd birthday and that itself sucked. Every birthday since hasn't been very enjoyable to say the least. I did have plans made with friends, but of course I got this text message yesterday from the friend that was hosting who indicated it will likely only be three of us doing something, but he wouldn't be available until midnight himself on Friday. He indicated that other friends have a conflict in schedule including the ones that might be there. He also indicated "use my place while I am gone if you want." I take great issue with that idea itself. I work afternoons from 4-12 and I had the day booked off. Once this schedulding in conflict was communicated to me, I communicated back with "Cancel for sure, I am actually upset that I have to do this. I kind of wanted a 6-10 people gathering, and I don't want to feel like I have overhyped things. I don't see how I would enjoy myself in that setting and as a result, those who do show up won't enjoy themselves either." After this was communicated, I felt much better after an hour. I let it go. I then cancelled my book off and rebooked it to half a day.

Now this leaves me for Saturday night and meetup.com has an event posted in this area that I wouldn't mind going to. There is a facebook page for this event and my old fling might be going. I can already see my ego trying to take control. My ego wants to have a good bday for once, which I can see it creating conflict with my newfound sense of being. I can kind of see the self-fulfilling prophecy taking place before it starts. The ego will likely come out at this event and I don't want that. The ego will be starving for attention and getting all like "hey, it's my bday." I don't want that. Even worse is the fact that this theme for the event is prom night based and will be at a pub. I realized that aside from my ego having attatched itself to this lady before, I did realize sometime later that I did have feelings for her after all and eventually communicated this. I can see the big problem in showing up based off many factors including her arrival there as well. I communicated this to a mutual friend who has a good understanding of what I am going through, and I didn't mention the ex at all.

The biggest problem is this. I have established the long term goals and that is to start with quit smoking. I would like for this to start on Friday if I can. I have had some friends tell me that I need to get out and enjoy my birthday for once. This is a problem because of the following reasons:
1. The need to quit smoking and the desire to start working towards my long term goals.
2. My ego will only create negative attention. Using my bday will likely result in this negative attention.
3. The old fling possibly being there will likely result in a battle of ego vs feelings. I don't need for that to happen in a setting where alcohol is involved.
4. Short term gain may be detrimental towards long term gain. I see no friends being made at an event like this which will inevitably create:
5. The self-fulfilling prophecy if I fail to accomplish one goal that will help me in the long term.

I really need to let my spirit win out and defeat my ego here. I can fulfill my ego's needs for alcohol and socializing some other time when I know I am in a better place.

Yes, but does socializing on your birthday take temporary precedent over your long term goal?

Not really when you are at peace with the decisions being made and accepting things as it is. I also have to accept that a birthday during the time of year where you can reasonably expect it to snow and safety becomes a concern if it snows enough during the appropriate celebration day.

Sweet Pea hugs