How not to be effected by things?

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So is there a way to just not care about when people maliciously give you crap for no reason, whether its online or IRL. I tend to end up feeling like Its better not to express myself or how I feel so I don't leave myself open to any people who might try and bother me about it...then I feel horrible for a couple days.

So is there any way to just not give a crap and get on with things? or is it impossible to avoid caring about getting kicked when your down? I just think its a little f***d up that people do that in real life, log into websites such as this one just to give the first person they see who's struggling with something crap about it, or facebook drama starters. I don't understand humanity at all, I wonder if more advanced races on other planets would even consider us human with the way people behave.

The reason why others are doing this is because they live in pain themselves. Their pain seems to identify with their ego's sense of who they are. I hope you are following this so far.

Ideally, those who live in pain want others to feel their pain. this is ultimately why relationships and friendships fail over the long term because the intensity of this painful feeling increases over time. This of course causes the pain in others to come out and the victim lashes out into a counter attack against those who have attacked him/her. Those who want to feel love will attract others that want to feel love. You just have to remember that love is something that comes easier if you can identify with the love you feel inside of you. This feeling should be peaceful and joyful and as soon as you understand this feeling, the easier life should be for yourself. I can assure you it's mostly men that feel pain because most men don't understand what is and let their egos take over. Most Women already know and understand it and this why they choose the men that they do. The most important thing to remember about men and women is that women ultimately have the power to give life or take life. This is a big reason why most women understand what love really is.

Of course, the most important thing to learn about pain is that if you let your mind control the pain, then your mind will distort your reality. Also, those with strong egos will more than likely identify with the pain and will fear being wrong about who they really are. The people who have attacked you have no sense of who they really are. Take it easy on them as well and don't blame them for their actions.

I wish I could just roll things off, but I can't. I try. Distractions help, but I often just have to work it through my body, for lack of a better way to say it. I find though, that I am so easily brought right back to the initial experience which I re-experience - for example, I saw a letter to the editor about 6 years ago from a dog trainer who chastised people for allowing their pets to pee anywhere but in their own yards - so not even on power poles that are on public property, she stipulated. Ever since, when I walk with my dog - who I am very considerate with by not allowing him to pee on people's lawns and such - that letter is "right there." and I feel like she is reaming me out. I have no idea who she is, it was about our particular area where there are a ton of dog walkers. But, I 'feel' it. Having a memory like mine is useful in some ways and just sucks in others.

Do you have trouble with remembering too much, too? Too many vivid details?

Maybe some people can stop caring, but I think it depends on personality.

I just accept that it is what it is, situations are often unfair and people often act without good reason. I think its better to speak up about it, otherwise the problems will only persist and get worse since some people simply lack the empathy to know what someone else is feeling or thinking.

I have noticed with facebook posting nothing about anything ever in my status does a good job of preventing anyone there from trying to pick on me I mean I guess someone could say 'your pictures are ugly and you're a loser for playing pot farm.' but thats about it. I can't avoid it so easily on sites that are better for posting about various topics or in real life...it doesn't happen a lot IRL but I don't have a job or much of a social life to speak of if I do gain those things I'll probably run into more of it.

Sometimes the best way to win is not to play at all.

Yea growing a thick skin may also make you lose empathy

Sweet Pea hugs

Link. I posted this a while ago, but saw your topic and thought you might find it relevant. Good luck.

it is impossible for anyone to judge you, or anyone else for that matter. they don't have the capacity. you can't step outside your own perspective and say, "this is how you are and it's wrong." all you honestly can say is, "this is how you seem to me and i don't like it." no one stands from a god's eye view with respect to others. no one sees you as you really are (if you believe there is such a way). we don't judge people; we judge our partially informed conceptions of them. understand that what others judge is not you. it is never you. it never can be you. all that they can ever judge is a thought in their heads. they can't internalize and judge the thoughts and feelings you express within the context of your personal history and conceptual framework. even what we think of ourselves only applies from a certain perspective, at a certain moment. consider that by the time you're upset by your idea of someone else's thoughts, they're already done thinking them. the thing you think you're upset about doesn't even exist, for all you know, except as a thought in your head. here's a trick: instead of focusing on the thought, attend to the feeling (with care as you would attend a crying infant) until it passes. notice that when attention slips and returns to the thought, the feeling grows stronger. when you see that the feeling depends on the continuing construence of a particular thought, it's easier to drop it.

It took me ages....(i am 42).....and while I can't stop -caring- about things like this....I have figured out not to show that to others.

It never helps the situation...they dont learn, or care more because they find out it bothers others....and it just targets me as 'victimizable'.

So I might be deeply impacted, but I only let that impact show to a few very trusted people..or none.

Example: a close friend that I email with daily, said several things that were quite hurtful to me...and i just vented at home...but didnt email her back with my upset...becuase its one of those things where I know she would not see my side of it and it would just backfire to mention it.

Sure it means she moves into a 'less trust' slot in my head....but I at least now know that...rather then being fooled time and time again.

For me if someone is not such a nice person to me then I pretty much write them off. If it is not so easy to ignore the person or you can not help, but run into the person all the time then there a few actions to take. First confront the person and nicely ask "do you have a problem?" (Easier said than done for me as I strongly dislike any confrontation). Second, go to someone of higher authority if the person who is not so nice is your supervisor, for example.

Usually I try my best to ignore annoying people and I move on to someone who is worthy of my time and friendship.