Not A Good Day, Today

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So, this afternoon, I ended up having another one of those talks with my mom. You know, the ones where you sit down and your parents proceed to point out everything you're not doing to get your life in order? How I'm not out going door-to-door applying for every job I can possibly find in town, whether or not the company is actually hiring. How I'm not spending all day doing housework if I'm not going to spend all day looking for a job. How I'm not spending all day going to school, if I'm not doing the first two things. Basically, laid out everything I've failed to do for the past two years, and told me to shape up or ship out, literally. If I don't show some definite progress very soon, they're going to start charging me for room and board (I don't have a job, and don't see myself getting hired anytime in the next month or two) or they're just going to throw me out of the house and let me figure it out from there. While half of me really does just want to say "f**k it" and just up and leave, I know I'd be f****d within a matter of hours of leaving, since I have no job, no car, and less than $300 to my name.

She told me to "figure it out". Find a social worker, see a psychiatrist, seen a behavioral therapist, etc. Do something, for f**k's sake. Thing is, the problem is with my executive functioning. Getting all that stuff set up is the problem. I don't know exactly where to start, and in some cases, I'm not even sure I legally qualify for social and disability services, even.

Basically, my mom sat down with me and pointed out everything wrong with me and everything I've failed to do for myself for about 45 minutes. That was the first time I've broke down and cried in almost 3 years, that's how much it affected me to hear my mom basically call me a failure of a son, even if she didn't mean it that way. Needless to say, I waas pretty pissed off for the rest of the day. Now, I can't decide whether to start looking into what she lectured me about, or just sit back and say "f**k you; you could at least help me get started with all that s**t, b***h."

My dad's an NT, so he's never going to get it; and my mom has depression and ADD, like I do, but she doesn't have Aspergers or any other form of autism. And the irony of them constantly nagging me to get a job is that neither of them has had to look for a job in over 25 years, and my dad makes around a hundred thousand dollars a year. I'd like to see them try to find a job in this economy. My dad keeps sending me these economic reports on the county where we live, and they keep saying that there's significant job growth here. Well, that's all fine and dandy, but since when does job growth equate to more people becoming employed? All it means is that there are more jobs becoming available; not that anyone's actually filling them.

that happened to me when i was your age, and i ended up being homeless after a failed series of mcjobs. my parents took me back in on the condition i did one thing which was #1 on my list of things never to do- and that was join the military. i couldn't swim well enough to consider the navy/CG, was too weak for the marines, wasn't smart enough for the air force, which left the army. it was an awful 4 years [only infantry offered 2-year enlistments back then] but i was young and resiliant then, and after my 4 years was up i lucked into a civil service job tied in with my army training. i know how awful this must sound to you, but when one's circumstances get awful beyond a certain point, what was awful will eventually seem merely bad.

Yeah, I know.

Of course, I'm smart enough for the Air Force, and probably strong enough for the Army, but I don't want to go into the military. It's questionable they'd even take me, though, considering my AS, my low vision and my somewhat impaired breathing. I have a feeling my parents would also try to stop me, or at least try to persuade me not to, if I said I wanted to enlist- they disprove of violence and whatnot.

try the coast guard, it seems to me the most civilized of all the services. if you have any canadian blood relations, [if i were young like you] i'd also consider canadian residence and maybe the canadian forces [they are most civilized compared to the american army i was in].

I know this is going to sound weird, but if all else fails,
camp out on the lawn or the kerb, just sit there
and let her see what she has done to you.

Or, when she tries to push you out, tell her that
if you shove me out, this is the last time you
will ever see me, or "Oh now I know how you
really feel about me, you never loved me."

When my mumn tried this, I just sat on the
lawn. This "figure it out" crap does not fly
with me, so I just gave myself a indefinit
amount of time to "figure it out" and sat
and sat and sat, and sometimes slept on
the lawsn until she beginned to see what she
was doing to me. When she was gone I did have
to break in and take food tho. But I just lived
on the lawn for a few days until one of my brothers
took me in, and I "vanished" and hid from mum
for several years, I wanted nothing to do with
her until she said she was sorry.