Is my lack of aggression the problem?

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My life situation changed drastically this past year, and I'm finding that life might actually be impossible for me in this society.

I no longer have what little protection having some family around used to bring me. I'm completely on my own with no resources (my inheritance has been stolen) and I realize that to stay alive I'll have to find a way to get some basic solid ground beneath me, I'm not even talking about a worthwhile life here, I'm just trying to figure out what it takes to actually be alive these days.

The main problem I keep coming up against is other people. I think, maybe, if left to my own devices I could put enough of the puzzle together to get by, but I can't get away from the constant conflicts that arise when I try anything. It seems that other people are always also after whatever it is I think I need (like the empty quiet booth at the back of the diner, or a job that would perfectly fit my interests), or even just keeping whatever I might already have or be legitimately entitled to.

Other people are always trying to get the better of me, to either to get something from me or just to use my reactions to validate themselves or something. No one seems to comprehend the basic concept of respect for the 'ownership' (for lack of a better word) of a person's...life. Sometimes it seems they are only interested in, or want to somehow claim, things in or about MY life purely because I need it or have it or am interested in it.

Even just my need to have time alone to myself sometimes seems to be a challenge to others, as though I am benefiting in some way that they feel they are missing out on and it might give me some kind of edge over them.

In short, anything that I focus on seems to become the immediate interest of other people. I could find a pretty rock that has been sitting ignored in the street for years, and if I show it to someone, their reaction would be about how nice a necklace it would make for them. Seriously, for THEM.

So the problem I am having is that this new-found need of mine for resources puts me in a position where I have to interact with other people on level I am not capable of.

On a job interview, I would be trying to show the boss why I feel the job and myself would be a good fit and therefore a successful pairing, while the next person in line might be lying his arse off because he doesn't even know what the job consists of, and wouldn't think twice about bad-mouthing other applicants to make his chances better. In the past, I've actually given up a job that I knew I just didn't need as much as the other guy who might have had to go.

I realize that I simply don't have the aggressive nature so many other people seem to have, I also realize that without it, I am not really any kind of contender for the fight over what must obviously be very rare basic resources if our whole society has become so rabidly possessive over them.

Perhaps it's just a rare set of circumstances I happen to find myself in at the moment. Unfortunately, I AM in it, and trying to find my way out of it is beginning to look impossible.

It has crossed my mind that somehow turning up the volume on my aggressiveness might be what I need to do, but I'm honest enough with myself to know that you can't just change yourself to fit your circumstances like you would change into appropriate clothing for a specific event.

I'm also quite sure that if becoming someone else is what it takes to keep your life, then keeping your life is not possible because you would be losing it by becoming someone else.

I'm stumped.

Yep sometimes life and other peoples actions can really baffle you. My opinion is that if you look back through history you have glorious high points with money flowing and debauchery as the latest sport and you have times of trouble and depression. Unfortunately i think we are now entering a depressive stage as humans have over populated the earth and new technology means less human needs are needed. Soon the money runs dry for actual people who need a little help and then pandemonium starts.
People will fight for love but kill for money. No piece of paper has ever caused so much damage.
Aggression towards others in the situation you descibe is not a strong point of aspergers or any asd condition. Dont change you it usually doesnt last. Its time to dig deep and realise that we are in a black hole as a whole race and yeah fight a little more to keep a shirt on your back but aggression isnt the answer (for me anyway)
The other thing i must mention is that are you really surprised that a lot of people turn a situation into something for them???? Welcome to earth. The place where only the vain are truly at home and the selfless are the doormats.
Excuse me whilst i wipe off all this dirt and remove thr dagger from my back .................

I know the feeling. You go around in circles, and it seems like the only solution is to become the very monster you hate. That the world will despise you for anything less.

I hate sociopaths, which includes most people. It’s like the hunter or fisherman who gets mad at the one that got away. As though it’s a personal insult to the hunter. As though the fish is committing a sin against god and man by not jumping into the boat and begging to be eaten.

And they say we have trouble with “theory of mind.” Yes, I have a problem getting into the mind of a predator. And I have trouble seeing myself as the one who is broken.
They don’t understand themselves, so I have to do all the work of understanding them and myself and bridge the gap to a place that no decent person would consciously want to go.
They baffle and/or disgust me, but I’m the one who needs to apologize.

That's probably the biggest chunk of what I call "the NT bias."

Morph and Tahitii,

I think you both nailed it!

Since I became aware of my status on the 'Spectrum" I've begun to think that the NT mindset is actually the debility, or at least it would be if it wasn't the majority condition. Does a bushel of rotten apples mean the few good ripe ones are bad in comparison?

In the rare moments when I can allow my mind to wander, I think a lot about how there doesn't seem to be any discussion on the possibility that the 'Aspie' state of mind is actually more conducive to a successful society as a whole, if only for our ignorance of competitiveness, trickery and deceit.

I did read the article here on WP about the "Intense World Theory" and it got me thinking that perhaps Asperger's IS a positive evolutionary step in Humankind's advancement. That is, if we can survive and grow in population. Which for me right now isn't looking too hopeful.

and to Morph, I guess I was naive about the self-centeredness of people, or at least I hadn't realized how widespread it is. What scares the pants off me is the possibility that such a 'ME! ME! ME! egocentric attitude is really the acceptable and correct "norm' and not the exception or deviance I always thought it was.

Neurotypical syndrome: http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Neur ... l_syndrome

Okay. I've been on the internet since ...well...forever, and that is the probably the ONLY important page I have ever read.

Thank you for instantaneously putting my entire life into a pure, sharp focus that I wasn't even aware I was missing.

I am smiling now. right now.

I hear you... this has been my entire life for 38 years. I refuse to become the same monster that's always out to serve themselves... and we aspies are often seen as "easy pickings" because we're not nasty fighters like they are.



"Is the dark side more powerful?"
"No... quicker... easier... more seductive..."

Yep sometimes life and other peoples actions can really baffle you. My opinion is that if you look back through history you have glorious high points with money flowing and debauchery as the latest sport and you have times of trouble and depression. Unfortunately i think we are now entering a depressive stage as humans have over populated the earth and new technology means less human needs are needed. Soon the money runs dry for actual people who need a little help and then pandemonium starts.
People will fight for love but kill for money. No piece of paper has ever caused so much damage.
Aggression towards others in the situation you descibe is not a strong point of aspergers or any asd condition. Dont change you it usually doesnt last. Its time to dig deep and realise that we are in a black hole as a whole race and yeah fight a little more to keep a shirt on your back but aggression isnt the answer (for me anyway)
The other thing i must mention is that are you really surprised that a lot of people turn a situation into something for them???? Welcome to earth. The place where only the vain are truly at home and the selfless are the doormats.
Excuse me whilst i wipe off all this dirt and remove thr dagger from my back .................