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GamerNerd07901
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20 Apr 2013, 10:10 pm

I don't know if this fits in the haven but here it goes anyway

When I was a lowerclassemen,(high school) there were some guys on my bus that REALLY pissed me off. They annoyed me every single day, and when I would try to call them out for it, they would bully me. This went on for freshman, sophomore, and part of junior year. But after I started to turn my life around (something irrelevant to this post) I started to see the situation for what it truly was.
I grew up in a fairly wealthy neighborhood, and these kids........ didn't. As such, they had an almost completely different worldview than I did. The things they did to have fun with their friends, looked to me like bullying and harassment. gradually, as I started to take them a little less seriously, I started to get to no them and vice versa. these days I don;t mind them at all, and they respect me.

fast-forward to Senior year.

there is a girl on my bus who is making THE EXACT SAME MISTAKES I DID. I can tell. Its actually kind of hard to watch. I know that shes actually a very nice person, but after making the same mistakes I did about "the kids in the back" that i did, she is slowly turning into a complete and utter b***h. It makes me want to cry.

Whats even worse is, I'm pretty sure I can't help her. From where she is standing, any advice that implicates her and not the kids from the back means that I am also her enemy. Its gotten to the point where she has even alienated the other kids on the bus, the ones who don't even get involved.

I'm just not sure what I can do. I mean how often are you literally forced to watch someone else make all of your old mistakes, and suffer all of your old pains, without being able to help?

any advice?


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CockneyRebel
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20 Apr 2013, 10:23 pm

Sweet Pea hugs Image


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20 Apr 2013, 10:47 pm

GamerNerd07901 wrote:
I don't know if this fits in the haven but here it goes anyway

When I was a lowerclassemen,(high school) there were some guys on my bus that REALLY pissed me off. They annoyed me every single day, and when I would try to call them out for it, they would bully me. This went on for freshman, sophomore, and part of junior year. But after I started to turn my life around (something irrelevant to this post) I started to see the situation for what it truly was.
I grew up in a fairly wealthy neighborhood, and these kids........ didn't. As such, they had an almost completely different worldview than I did. The things they did to have fun with their friends, looked to me like bullying and harassment. gradually, as I started to take them a little less seriously, I started to get to no them and vice versa. these days I don;t mind them at all, and they respect me.

fast-forward to Senior year.

there is a girl on my bus who is making THE EXACT SAME MISTAKES I DID. I can tell. Its actually kind of hard to watch. I know that shes actually a very nice person, but after making the same mistakes I did about "the kids in the back" that i did, she is slowly turning into a complete and utter b***h. It makes me want to cry.

Whats even worse is, I'm pretty sure I can't help her. From where she is standing, any advice that implicates her and not the kids from the back means that I am also her enemy. Its gotten to the point where she has even alienated the other kids on the bus, the ones who don't even get involved.

I'm just not sure what I can do. I mean how often are you literally forced to watch someone else make all of your old mistakes, and suffer all of your old pains, without being able to help?

any advice?


Let her be a b***h if she wants to? Are she not allowed to express negative emotions? Do you think her goal is to get "respected" by them and that would hinder it? If so, why do you think she'd want that? Because that is what you wanted? She is probably not looking to befriend them. Are you sure she even cares? It sounds like victim-blaming anyway, putting the fault on her, even though you don't say anything that she does wrong "(wrong" as in "morally wrong", not "wrong" as in "not behaving socially in a for you optimal way"), but apparently plenty of wrong with your bully-friends. And that is why she wouldn't like it. Maybe you should try reframing the issue. Being accepted by people that you do not like isn't success. Be careful of projecting your pain onto someone else.
Anyway, school is a utterly insignificant microcosm that you both will be out of soon, and the ridiculous social hierarchy will be replaced by other also ridiculous social hierarchies, but which you can choose to participate in or not a bit more freely, and more sane as they are run by grown-ups who know more about life. If you want to give her some pointers in social interaction, then do instead of weeping. But be prepared that she might not appreciate it or value it either. :shrug: Maybe you should just offer her your friendship instead of pity (for "acting in ways that cause bullies to be mean to her" or whatever it is you're implying), as that isn't reflecting well on you either.



Zodai
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21 Apr 2013, 12:36 am

Maybe send her an anonymous note?


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GamerNerd07901
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21 Apr 2013, 4:19 pm

I do try to help her. I tell her about my experiences back when I had the same problem, and how I solved it. I try to get the others off her back. But she pushes me away saying things like " your not my mother" or "I don't need any help"

Perhaps I havn't been clear enough
This is a cyclical reaction.

When it starts, the others actually are annoying her in their own, lighthearted way, that they would not mind if it happened to them. She will then retaliate by insulting and harassing them in ways FAR worse than what they did to her.

Its not that she wants to be accepted by a group that doesn't like her. Its that she really does want to be friends, but she does not make allowances for the fact that they are different than her. Instead she tries to change them. When it doesn't work, she insults them. When they fire back, she responds, then repeat ad infinitum. Eventually, everyone forgets that she is actually a really nice girl.

I do know that she is because we all see it in the morning, (the other guys only take the bus home in the afternoon)


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What is learning? Its paying attention. its opening yourself up to this great big ball of****that we call life! And whats the worst that could happen? You get bit in the ass! Well let me tell you, My ass looks like hamburger meat,But I can still sit down!