Worry that people at work think I'm weird

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Because I have a natural desire to fit in, I kind of get more worried about other people's thoughts and judgements on me than most people on the spectrum should.

I think I come across as nervous and extremely unconfident, and I am very serious too (except I may laugh at a joke or something). But when I'm in the canteen and there's my other co-workers talking (even if there's just about two or three and I know them well enough) I still remain quiet, mostly because I have always been afraid of speaking up in group conversations.

When somebody passes me and says, ''you OK?'' (just out of friendliness), I say ''yes thank you'', then go on to say something else, but the right words haven't come into my head, so I just stand there like an idiot while they're waiting for me to say something else. So I then say, ''yeah, I'm OK'' again, just to break the awkward pause. I hate it when I do this. Why am I so stupid? Wish I wasn't like this.
And it's not just that, it's lots of other little things. I don't make great big social faux pas that make me into a hateful or annoying person, I just do very minor social faux pas, but they build up and can still make me come across as weird to other people. Sometimes I want to kick myself.

i have same symptoms which you have, exactly the same.
but i know the answers to this problems, why i am the way i am.
i was abused as a child. My parents, entire extended family are weird and eccentric
they cant mix up and many committed suicide
due to restrictions and eccentricity i grew up to be awkward person
who loads of social problems
i have cut off from my family because they are toxic
but i cant mingle with society also
there is no way out of this
and my thoughts lead me towards suicide many times
but here in india 70% population are below poverty
lack of basic needs and i often wonder about them
somehow i try to maintain my balance.

I had a little insident the other day were I called upon one of my co-workers to answer a question, in typical AS fashion I skipped a couple social steps and failed to modulate my voice badly, I knew right away I may have come across as rude, Unfortinately I had a family member their who just happend to stop by to pick something up who so nicely had to point my mistake out in front of us. The co-worker thankfully very nicely said "no ------ is a sweetie" and nicely approached me later to tell me she didn't think I was rude and that she agrees with my way of just getting things done without being all sensitive.

Point is my difference was clearly noticed and it makes me chringe inside every time I make a minor mistake and I make them more often then I care to admit. I often have nothing to say in the same position you discribe unless I pre script something and I do that now and then so I will have an anwser to "how are you today". I beleave if I do a good job, never say no and bail out my co-workers out more often then they bail out me then I will have and get respect anyway, in essence I have chosen not to fall back solely on social skills that are non-existant.

I think this co-worker just gave you great advice.


This is the problem and this is something you'll need to let go of.

If you start accepting you as you, quirks and all, and embrace it with honesty and humour, people will open up to you. You're nervous and unconfident because you are trying so hard to be like everybody else. It's like trying to put on a pair of jeans that's a size too small. You can wiggle your way into it and button it up but you will never be comfortable in it.. nor will it give you a nice butt. So, instead, take those jeans off and put one on that fits you.

I started a new job last month and noone liked me either. I just dumbed and dulled myself down and only spoke when I was spoken to and allowed them to talk about all their stuff without interjecting...basically was a doormat....and little by little took the facade off. Now they know the real me they at least like me even if they don't accept me as one of them. This is always my strategy and it has never failed.

I remember too I had a co-worker who we drove each other up the wall for about a year after we met and I mean in a really bad way, I used to fear and avoid this person. Some group of employees deceded to play paintball as a hobby (we sold the stuff at work so we got a great deal)and for some reason I joined in with some encouragement from outhers. Best choice I ever made as I became really great friends with this person and meny others. The only time he ever mentioned my "condishion" was discessing cars and weather I could get a drivers lisence and I do by the way. So watch out for this type of oppertunity to come up, it was the best thing I ever did for workplace accpeptance as I always thought they looked at me as equals ever since. They need to get to know the real you and if your a good person they will respond well to it. Too bad all those people have since quit.

Yes but I don't quite know how to do it. How else can I act, other than being polite and approachable, and this is just the way I am polite and approachable. I can't think of any other way, unless I change myself completely, which is hard. It's as though when I come out of my house, an ''NT'' mask gets stuck to my face and I can't get it off, so half of my charade of trying to act normal enough to fit in is natural, although arguably it may not sound it. And I don't want to just not talk to anybody at all, because I like my co-workers, they aren't horrible people, but I still don't want to appear as rude or annoying or stupid or anything like that.

I would say its a good thing if they're asking if you are ok. As opposed to rolling their eyes and whispering behind your back. The way I've handled this question before is to say yes I'm ok and give a small smile. And then innocently say, why do you ask? I've also added in a generic reason for whatever they're perceiving. Like I might say I just hav a lot on my mind or something. But yeah, fitting in at work is difficult. I just hope for a non-abusive environment at this point.

Heres a couple thoughts I came up with at work today.

Honestly it takes me like a year or more to get to know people at work, at that point I can start a dialog of sorts most of the time. We used to have a great long lasting group as I mentioned above and honstly the way we could talk and work together I never felt werid or autistic around them becouse our dialog was so strong that I just knew what to do and say around them. Dare I say I was making real friends and lots of them! The kind who I could see outside of work who actually wanted me at their house for who I was!

Now the turnover is so rapid the typical employee lasts like a month, I don't know meny names much less peoples intrests or personal lives so how do I talk to anyone? Also its harder since i'm always the last to find out about stuff. Today I had two co-workers say "you drive?", shows how little some know and it hurts that they say it in a "I thought you were too disabled to drive" kind of way. Not worth getting into since the odds are they will be gone in a few months.

If I recall the OP started the job within the last 2 months so I would give it time before feeling to stressed over not being able to small talk with these people, maybe you just need to come up with more materal to work with as I know i find I need some real factual infomation to work with opposed to my NT counterparts that can make a topic out of nothing.

be careful if you a use this as you might have to actually explain whats on your mind, if thats OK then go for it.