I'm becoming an angry,manipulative b****......

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and I don't really like that feeling.

I used to think I was a really nice person -
I'd go out of my way to help people out, donate my money and time for charity, organise charity drives at work and school from a young age.
I'd be polite and respectful, and treat others as I wished to be treated.
I would listen to people's problems and offer advice or practical help.
I grew up doing the family cooking, washing, ironing, and basicly being "mother" to my mother.

Unfortunately it seems a lot of people see "nice " and read " sucker" or "doormat", and use me for their advantage, and either treat me like crap, or ignore the fact that I also have problems, wants and needs.

So after many years of trying to be a nice person, and living by the " golden rule" I got fed up that it wasn't reciprocated.
I started treating people the way they treated me. If they were rude, I was rude back. If they left me to organise them, I'd say I couldn't do it. If they made snide comments, they'd get it back in spades. If they played games, politics and manipulated I did too or I called them out on it.. Instead of being available to people because I should, I asked myself whether I wanted to. They don't give a s**t about me so why should I give a s**t about them?

Strangely, people don't like it when you treat them as badly as they treat you...
I doubt that most of them likded me in the first place though.

I'm not sure I like acting this way. I always valued the fact that I was nice, genorous, hardworking and honest. So being tit-for tat doesn't sit well. But I can't go on being a doormat and it takes too much energy to find "correct " ways of dealing with maddening BS.

Does nyone have experience of this? Does it get better?

i do and it doesnt.

you have to find a romantic partner or some friends that have status. ppl are only nice and generous to ppl they
a) find to be of equal or superior social status
or
b) want to f****

thats just the way of the pack.

if you're neither, theyre going to try and impose their wants on you becuz thats human nature. y do something when u can get some1 else to do it for you?

Yes. It gets better as you attract people who like you for who you are and not what you do.

I can identify and agree with what Bluerose says to a certain degree. It's just one of the fundamental flaws of the human condition: for thousands of years, humans have lived and been guided by "the social pyramid" where they are looking to advance to the upper echelons and be privy to certain secrets and experiences. Those underneath, or should I say perceived to be underneath, are regarded as sheep or servants (think of early Civilizations, or the first 100 years of American history.

Hence the cynical expressions that:
"Nice guys finish last."
"No good deed goes unpunished."

For Aspies like us, I think that a lot of our niceness comes as an overcompensating mechanism due to being perceived as selfish or aloof just because we have clinical difficulty reading/responding to unspoken cues and norms. It's a natural instinct on our part to rebut that perception however we can. But unfortunately, it doesn't substitute for being able to intuitively read situations, as NTs do, and determine that we're being used or set up under false hopes. So I completely hear what you're saying 1000% when you express frustration as to why bother, why respond with kindness and meekness if somebody tries to boss you around or be rude or condescending or overly critical etc etc. I used to have that mentality too (and still it lingers in the background) that "I have nothing to lose" by exhibiting this response, b/c certain people have already made up their minds about me and have embarked on an agenda of bullying and mistreatment, and I don't validate certain mindsets like "you brought this on yourself" - that's THEIR problem, their own shallowness. Fortunately through counseling and aggressive improvement strategies and having a few close friends and a wife/daughter, and severing ties with shallow people, I have gotten past a good deal of this attitude, but it still rears its ugly head now and then (mostly in the workplace).

Just remember there ARE more enlightened people out there who are not just willing to go with the pack, and are willing to give people who are neurodiverse a fair chance.

Depends on what people you are dealing with, but yeah a lot of them are that way or don`t know better these days. The values you are raised with affect your behaviour a lot, we copy each other. You can however choose to lead by example and try to improve things, although it would take some sacrifice on your part.

I think its ok to vent once in a while, and stand your ground with people to let them know you don`t appreciate it, its even expected.

Around the right people it shouldn't feel that way. Find better friends.

When I was in a bad situation, I acted out passive-aggressively. I'd intentionally drip water all over the toilet seat at work and use waaay more paper than I needed. I left faucets dripping and lights on all over the place.

It seemed like a way to "pay back" what I thought was a raw deal that I'd got, but it was really childish and mean-spirited and petty. In the end, it was too much trouble to go out of my way to be mean.