My selfishness ruined everything.

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Here is the story:
You meet two girls around the same time as eachother. One has a boyfriend and tells you after kissing you, the other is single and available. You end up dating the single and available one while maintaining the friendship with the other.

Fast forward a few weeks and you make a decision of sleeping with the friend after having already enaged in sex with the one you are dating. It happened, and there is no turning back now. The date finds out and you have to admit to it. She wants nothing to do with you moving forward. She is further appalled at the fact that you can't take responsibility for your actions even when it's clear that you are doing so. She realizes this, but the irresponsible behaviour she is referring to is that you won't admit that you had feelings for your friend. Now you are told to never contact her again. She apparently developed enough feelings for whatever good qualities she thought you had. She now tells you that you have none.

As for the friend you developed feelings for, you have mutual friends. She is the first to hear of the breakup. The rest of the group catches wind of the fact that you slept with the friend despite you being told not to by the leader of this group. You now have lost the group of friends over your selfish decision to sleep with a friend. The group no longer wants anything to do with you and the friend has no choice but to leave her feelings for you behind in order to have the social status. You are already hard enough on yourself as it is, so of course everyone has the invitation to be even harder on you.

In this case, considering previous enlightenment, the truth tells me this much.
-While honesty is good, people don't have to accept the truth. They will accept what they want to believe.
-Even if you are a non-judging person, if people hold you in high regard and treat you with a high amount of resepct, one little mistake or bad decision will result in judgment and you being held in very low regard.
- people will consider you a fraud if you are spiritual or religious (especially if you have the ability to captivate people with your words). You can throw your human nature to make mistakes out the window in this regard as your desire and intention won't matter when someone gets hurt. All that matters is the wellbeing of everyone involved.
-Once you start having the self-fulfilling prophecy take place, there is no avoiding it. You must deal with it in order to find inner peace again.
-When you hurt someone, you have no right to ask them for anything, including forgiveness or respect. The only person you can forgive and respect is yourself.

I can understand why the one you were dating broke off the relationship, but I'm not sure why the friend doesn't want to continue. Does she still have her original boyfriend? If so, he won't be happy either.
I have been in similar predicaments before and it sucks - I ended up with no one for a while. It was a bad time.
Sounds like you're working your way through it. Your friends' emotions may calm down after awhile and they may be more forgiving of you.

The friend saw how I lied to the date when we were only hanging out. Of course she doesn't want to continue. She still has her boyfriend, but it didn't stop any feelings or attraction she had at that time and I am not sure he knows. The group... like I said, I was regarded highly. There is nothing to forgive since they don't know me well and we all knew eachother for a few weeks. It's like 90 days probation at work... one f**k up and your gone.
Apparenlty I was regarded highly by the date too. But once she made it clear she wanted to end things.. my self-defeating behaviour took over and I encouraged her to leave my life for good. I still haven't found a more effective way of ending things even if responsibility for my actions are taken.

That's very judgmental of them. It's really a matter for you, your ex, the friend and her boyfriend. The others should stay out of it.

Yeah, that's too bad. Sometimes things just blow up. There'll be a way through it though.

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for your behaviour. People send mixed messages and things can be confusing.

Not sure it matters now about the judgment. Like i said with my lessons learned, I will be viewed as a fraud because of my newfound spirituality. Even worse, the date figured out the personality disorder I have other than Aspergers... and it's not a very flattering one either. She dealt with my kind before and that was reason enough for her to want to run away.

The only way through it all is the same way I always do it: Almost always alone, and with very little help from others. Considering I am two weeks removed from having stopped smoking, the real challenge will be to make sure I don't reach for that cigarette. I remember what happened last time I did that when I had quit.

Sounds like she wasn't a good match for you.

I've sometimes had a feeling of being most alone when I needed help from other people. It's a weird irony.