Meltdowns and Depression

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I've been having massive mood swings for the past 2 years or maybe more, and ever since the first of our injections they've been getting gradually worse.

Things have been able to depress me and put me into fits or anger or crying very easily; I don't blame this on female hormones, as I get them constantly, not once a month.

Today and a few days ago I had massive meltdowns. I usually end up rocking, crying or just generally feeling bad, and it ends up going to suicidal thoughts and me wishing I was "normal" AKA a neurotypical.

I've been put on a diet and fitness plan and I've stuck to it, and the exercise makes me happy, but recently my PE teacher got really mad at me, saying that I was unfit, there's something seriously wrong with me because of how I run and for how long I can run, and saying I'd die before my parents, which really upset me, and that was the third time I went home crying because of that specific PE teacher.

I've never been good at PE, because of my balance and how I run (and also due to the fact that I can't do much without the back of my legs starting to cramp up and shoot pain up to my thighs, my feet aching and the breath coming completely from me).

I was diagnosed at birth with definite Aspergers and also mixed autism, as they couldn't put it down to one with the amount of different forms that I had with me, in case you wanted to know. I was also diagnosed with exercise-caused asthma, I believe I have OCD and I also think I've gotten anemia or Crohn's disease because I'm badly ill very often. I think I have a bad case of depression, too.

I've cut myself very often as well, but not as much recently. But whenever I have a meltdown, which is very often, I always get urges and I always feel at a loss of what to do. I get suicidal thoughts as I did before, I think about my life, I wish I was better, that I wasn't like I am, and I feel alone.

I need some kind of help, as the councilors and my family and friends just don't understand. The few who do, I met on a video game and them (as well as all of my close friends) are a lot older than me, so my parents don't trust them and they wouldn't listen to them and they'd never listen to me and understand - they think it's silly. I really am on the brink and I feel as if nothing can be done anymore, and that this is one of my last chances to get better, so I need your help. Please. And I hope you don't think I'm trying to attention seek like everyone else does, because I'm really not, but I don't think you guys will as you're likely going through the same as me.

Thank you in advance, if there is a way to help me, but I'm really doubting by now.

hiya TamakiSuoh welcome to our club
i am no genius, i can only tell you what worked for me in a cold-comfort sort of way- that is, i learned to lower my expectations of life and find what pleasures i could wherever i could, to drink them up in the same way a thirsty wild animal will lap up a puddle of water wherever it finds it. i learned to not expect understanding from other humans. lowered expectations=less dissapointments. and i would not let my PE teacher get your goat, as they are not generally known for being too with-it, if ya catch my drift.

I'm not exactly sure what I expect of life anymore. I can't think into it and put what I expect into points and think 'I'm going to only expect such-and-such instead of thinking I'll have a Knight take me to a castle on a dragon' or whatever. Which I don't think, by the way, I was just trying to find an example. ;3

Thank you for the advice, though, and I'll try to think on it and find some way of putting my thoughts into words, as I don't exactly think. I just type, or I just say, or I just do. Thinking isn't possible for me most of the time unless it's something I'm devoted to like music or English.

What kind of injections are you on?

Also, I sucked at PE too butif you keep trying different things you can sometimes eventually find something physical that you are good at, so that can make you feel a little better. While I'm the clumsiest person alive, can't do any kind of arobic type exercises, can't run fast or do anything that requires coordination, I found out that I have this savant like skill twirling a baton. Put a baton in my hand and suddenly I'm graceful and I can do things that other girls can't, and those other girls had been twirling years and years and I had just started a few months before. I'm not saying that would be your thing that would work for you, but sometimes it's the most unlikely thing that you end up good at. Also, I was pretty good at lifting weights when I got into bodybuilding. I enjoyed it and it didn't take really any coordination at all and I saw results fairly quickly and that helped my self esteem about physical things.

I'd encourage you to keep trying to find something that works for you and also to remember that usually PE teachers are ex jocks or ex cheerleaders and they spent their entire high school careers putting down those of us who weren't coordinated or jocks and so now even though they are supposed to be sympathetic and help those of us who aren't like them, they usually end up being a jackass about it. In other words, forget the PE teacher. I mean really, how smart do you have to be to be a phys ed major in college?

We're currently having our cervical cancer injections. Last one is soon. XD I don't know if the illness or depression is caused by it, but it got worse tenfold after the first one. I have one more to go.

I'll make sure I try to forget about the PE teacher, but these things linger in my mind for a very long time to get me upset.

I've been having mood swings since after Christmas. An ex-coworker got married and now she's moved to Alaska. Been enraged over it all this time.

Digging the Ouran avatar and name. I'm an ex-otaku myself but I'll always be an Ouran mark.

*highfives*

Having aspergers kind of sucks, though. But it's helped me get obsessed over my English! So that's one thing I can thank it for ;s

By cervical cancer injections do you mean the HPV vaccine?

^^^
i heard those smart like a sonofagun.

Sweet Pea hugs

I mean the vaccines that secondary school girls get to stop some kind of cervical cancer. Might be HPV, don't know for sure.

Yes, thats the HPV vaccine. As far as I know it doesn't have hormones in it and I haven't heard of it causing any kind of emotional or mood problems. I don't like a lot of the vaccines and my girls didn't get those. The shots really wouldn't have any effect on meltdowns or depression. If it's hormones then it's naturally occuring hormones which can change a lot at your age.

I'm sorry you're having those problems. Fortunately, PE isn't forever. Just remember that.

I also had exercise-induced asthma as a kid and stank at sports. As an adult I started walking to try to lose weight and got to the point where I could jog 5 miles or more.