"Friend" conclusion.

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Being a member of social mammals known as Humans, how our society, reproduction, and our ascension to earth's dominate surface dwellers made me realized that acquiring friends should be in my best interests if I want to strive, thrive, and survive life. If I could make so called ("good")friends would confirm that my behavior and personality is acceptable in work space, thus the possibility co-workers being co-operative rather than abusive or competitive towards me(not the friendly competitiveness mind you.). Of course this also creates new anxieties and problems as I gaze at my past relationships, (aide(s), playmates, etc.)none have made connections or interactions with people that reached the depth of a pool(10 ft / ~3 meters) which were mainly just about playing games with them or asking for tips. I am screwed? Quite possibly... So many reasons, so little opportunities life presents for an individual without effort.

As to why I posted this... I am still thinking how to justify this action.

Last edited by Proxy_Trump on 07 Mar 2013, 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Friend, 17 years, perhaps only a dozen or so out of diapers is not a sufficient time to make final judgements about yourself. You may have stopped growing physically, but your mind has a long way to go yet. I know it doesn't seem that way, but trust me on this you learn a lot as you go along in life. You may very well progress to the point where when you look back at yourself at this age you can't believe how much you thought you knew & how little you actually understood, or in other words how you were a typical 17 year old.

I don't say this to put you down. You probably are a lot smarter then I was at 17. Its good you are asking questions. As a mammal you of course realize there is a learning curve, and if you are on the spectrum the curve takes longer. It may easily take you some years to get yourself to the point where good relationships are possible. But they can happen, and if you focus on improving yourself (and not the world) and your understanding, they probably will.

You aren't screwed. Co-workers don't need to be deeply connected friends. They merely need to get along together and accomplish things by working together. Your past relationships that "were mainly just about playing games with them or asking for tips" are perfect preparation for work relationships. Instead of playing games with another person, you'll be working with them, perhaps collaborating on a project but the dynamic is the same. Depth of connection is not an important feature of the relationship. You have already shown the ability to cooperate (by playing games) and to ask for clarification of work protocol (by asking for tips). You will be fine.

Dear Proxy Trump,

Please understand that I am looking at your situation in my own rear view mirror.

I turned 50 last month, and when I was your age I was incapable of forming friendships, continually attracted bullies, was angry all the time, and my depression was so severe that when I became suicidal at age 19, my therapist knew I was making progress. I had been too depressed to kill myself.

I am now living with my best friend. All we are is friends, but we've been roommates since the 1990's. I have had several jobs, some good, some bad. I haven't had a date in far too long, but there are a bunch of teen girls whom I have mentored, who greet me with hugs when I see them. My life is nowhere near perfect, and I have recently come through some difficult times, but I like a lot of where I am.

It can get better. I won't lie to you. It will take a lot of work and it won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

One important thing for you to remember is that you will not be held to the same standards as other people. Life is not fair, and people who don't fit in are judged more harshly. The flip side of that is that square pegs can get away with things no one else would try. When I was introducing myself to a new co-worker at one of my jobs, one of the women I had been working with warned her, "Watch out for him. He's a charmer."

Be yourself. Be someone you would want to hang around with. People will eventually want to hang around with you.

Good luck. Don't give up, and I will remain

Your friend,
Ikari Gendo

I'm 10 years older than you and I'm only just now making sense of the friends thing. The fact that you are pondering this issue at 17 (way earlier than I did) bodes well for you.