I've just made another mistake again :(

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OK, first of all, if you don't want to read this then don't. If you read it and can't think of anything to say without attacking me, then don't put anything at all. Simple as that.

But I believe I have just made another mistake. I will keep it quite discrete. I really fancy a man. He is married, and I know that and respect that (well, to him I do, but inwardly I feel disappointed and annoyed). I saw him yesterday and I came up to him just to say hello and a quick small talk, and he winked at me and he half-hugged me but not completely. Just kind of stood close and held his arm out very briefly. Then today I spoke to a friend of his (a female), and I said that I liked him, but then I did something stupid. I kind of exaggerated about the hug, I said he had put his arm round me fully and gave me a proper hug, and she said, ''that doesn't mean a thing, he's just being friendly'', to which I said, ''I know that, but it still felt good to me.'' Now I am afraid that she might go and tell him about putting an arm round me, and he'll say that he didn't, and he might misinterpret it and think I am trying to get him into trouble. I am so worried. Do you think she will go back and say anything about the hug that he didn't exactly give me? Before I told her, I said, ''don't tell anyone, but...'', which I hope she knows that I hinted not to say anything, but she might have not got the hint and still tell him.

Will it get me into trouble? Will it spoil things for me now? He is such a nice person aswell, I mean no harm to him. Me and my big mouth.

Whether or not she says something to anyone depends on what kind of person she is.

Hey there. Tell him exactly this if you're afraid of messing things up between you and him. Be sincere, respectful and distant.
If you don't want to approach him directly, send him a text message or mail, saying that you're just not that good at expressing your feelings towards him. Just try and prevent any ambiguity in the message, to prevent any drama if he isn't the first one to read it.

Don't worry too much about it, chances are that he won't mind getting a bit more attention from a 22-year-old female friend.
Affection's still pretty nice, however one-sided it may be, he might be rather flattered than upset. (No one's going to file a restraining order against you for being happy to get a hug...)

And chances are that his other female friend doesn't consider it a big deal and willl probably forget about it anyway.
Try not to overthink it.

Last edited by Buggins on 04 Mar 2013, 2:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Sweet Pea hugs

I wouldn't worry too much about that... hope she's not a gossip though.

I really don't understand why you would say about a married man that his half hug felt so good for you, because this can only turn out bad for you. Of course she is going to tell him what you said. You shouldn't had said anything like that, especially about a married man. And if he is a co-worker this may end in your dismissal from the workplace as well.

I think many people have done this kind of thing. I understand where Joe90 is coming from. I have done similar things. I know a lot of people who have, as well. If the person she told understands or is not the kind who becomes excited upon telling other people's business, she won't say anything. Even if she did, many people give big hugs and it is not sexual/romantic.

I suggest that in the future, you not impart personal info like this to other people unless they need to know it. Remember that rule--the "need-to-know" rule. It is very important, and can save you a lot of trouble. Here is a general guide to need-to-know stuff:

Financial info
Credit info
Medical info
Personal ID info
Personal family info
Any other personal info (like what you told the friend)
Criminal history info

If someone doesn't need to know some info from any of these categories, then don't share it with them.

Hope this helps.

Sounds like he"s flirting with you. I wouldn't take it too seriously as he is married.

Usually I don't tell anyone about my personal business. I keep myself to myself quite a lot and just talk about things in general. But this was just one of those things, a mistake I made what I didn't realise at the time but only realised when I got home then I thought ''oops, maybe I shouldn't have actually said that.''

I have told my mum about this mistake, and she said that everybody has done this before, where they told someone something they shouldn't have said then had the anxiety of that person telling the other person. So I'm not going to keep too angry with myself over it, but I still wish I had never said it.

But what I'm worrying more of is the way I exaggerated. He knows I like him, and he flirts with me and I could tell that he might have dated me if he was single, but is mature enough to not cheat on his wife, which is good. But I wish I hadn't said about him giving me a full hug, if you know what I mean, and I also wish I hadn't told her how happy I felt about it. But it just slipped out that way, and then she got talking and the subject changed unintentionally after that and I kind of forgotten about it. I just hope the next time I happen to see this man he is not mad at me for kind of making up a white lie about him cuddling me.

At least I am aware that what I said shouldn't have been said. Hopefully it isn't too much of a big deal, I do tend to get carried away, especially when I start fantasizing. I have known NTs before who have fantasized so much about someone they have a crush on that they lied without realising until it was too late, because of fantasizing too much. In all the love stories I have read in magazines, a lot of them are about doing or saying stupid things when having a crush on someone.

Seems like there's two options. He's either unaware of the fact that you're interpreting his actions as flirting, and from his perspective, just acting nice and casual. Then you should talk to him about "mixed messages".

Or he is aware that you're into him, and flirting with you while keeping you at an arms length all the time to stroke his ego. That'd be a dick move, on the border of emotional abuse.
Either way, obsession about this guy won't get you anywhere, and just end up making you feel humiliated.

Well it's just one of those things that is playing on my mind. I only got one and a half hours sleep last night, because I couldn't stop worrying about it. And I was so tired today at work that I couldn't concentrate on anything properly, not because I was worrying then, but because I was too tired from the lack of sleep I had last night over worrying. Now I have just woken up from a nap and the worrying has started up again so I suppose I've got another sleepless night again.

I really wish I could commit suicide, so that would be my only way out of this mess I have got myself into, without me ending up being embarrassed or shamed. Like I said, I'm generally not the sort to blurt out all my business to people, but this is just one of those things and I'll know not to do it again. I just got too overexcited at the thought of a man I had a crush on had put his arm round me, even if it meant nothing at all, it still didn't stop me from feeling great inside. Being so I am still single and have never had a serious relationship before, I am not very skilled at this sort of thing, and I hope it is normal to sometimes slip out some things that shouldn't of been said.

You're worrying about what every day people do all the time everywhere?

No, this is what my worry is.

1. I fancy a man who flirts with me

2. Just because I'm Aspie doesn't mean I can't recognise when a man is flirting with me, and I KNOW this man flirts with me, maybe it doesn't mean anything at all but it is still flirting and it still gives me a boost

3. I got a little carried away when telling his friend (who is also my friend) how I feel about him, and I kind of used a little white lie just to express the way I felt about him better. I said he cuddled me, when he didn't exactly cuddle me in the same way as I described

4. She said that I needn't get too involved with men since they are only after one thing, which I know that

5. She might see him the next day and tell him what I said, maybe because she's concerned or maybe she's just a gossiper, and he might wonder why I said he cuddled me when he didn't exactly

6. He might think I am trying to get him into trouble, and will be hostile to me the next time he sees me, when the last time I saw him he was really friendly and sweet, and I will feel so guilty if I accidentally humiliated him

That is what I am worrying about. I feel bad for him if she told him what I said. I am worrying too much about his feelings, which I find I do all the time. And then they say Aspies lack empathy.

I still think you are worrying too much. At least try to explain to her what you really said. Nobody is perfect.

its not worth worrying too much over that, lovey. it may sound big to you at the moment but its not really. your just getting yourself worked up over nothing, and if you keep telling yourself that you will begin to realise its right.

ok so you made a mistake. it happens in life. my husbands friend is nt but often makes the same kind of mistakes you do with people, but it usally gets forgotten because it is as minor as your situation . my husband is adhd so this is more of a habit to him but he says things worse than your situation. but even then people soon forget and they understand he doesnt mean any harm.

when im stressing (because i do) my husband often sits me down next to him and tells me to tell him in full whats worrying me, which you have done here. then he say break it down in chunks. he ask me, what is the worst that can happen and we discuss it, sometimes the worst is a big deal sometimes its not depending on te situation. then we discuss what is the best that can happen, and its usally sound the most realistic. and then we finaly discuss how we would deal with it if the outcome was good or bad, and we find coping stratages. im not a very good person to talk to when it comes to understanding someone elses feelings but hope this helps.