I dont know what to do

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I also want to kill myself the thing is I dont know if I should ask for help or if I should just take the plunge and just go out into the woods and hang myself

even if I do ask for help I dont know what to even say to ask, hell I cant even start a conversation with someone without having a ton of anxiety

I just spent 2 hours walking in my pajamas in the cold night thinking. the only reason I haven't just killed myself is because it would devastate my mom. the only time ive ever seen her cry is when her friend killed herself. I dont think she would ever be able to forgive me

I dont know what to do or how to even ask for help part me just says do it and get it over with another part says to try help first in the end im just an autistic loser living in my moms basement

I wish I would just get cancer or something so I can just die already. I have literally prayed for brain cancer. a few weeks ago I got and said I wish something horrible would happen to me and I had a seizure that day

I just dont know what to do

*hugs*

I don't know what else to say or do, other than to tell you not to give up yet. And that I was there once.

Yes, it is worth it to ask for help. The first words out of your mouth to your mom or whomever else you choose to say it to might go like this:

"I'm depressed, and feel hopeless, and feel like not living any more. I need help. Can you please help me get it?"

*hugs again*

You did something right by posting here and saying how you feel. So you're going in the right direction. <3

Chris,

The world is confusing and we all go through times when we feel like things will never get better. I don't know your age, but most people experience feeling this way at some point in their life. I know that I felt like this a lot when I was a teen. The important thing is to realize that you need help dealing with these feelings.

Before you do anything irreversible, stop and try to talk to someone. It may be your mom, whom you seem to care a lot about, or if you feel that you cannot open up to her about it then try calling anonymous hotline. Here are a few place you might try:

Covenant House: 800-999-9999

National Hotline: 800-SUICIDE

Youth Crisis Line: 800-HIT-HOME

I know you said that you had anxiety starting a conversation with people so maybe a chat would work better for you: www crisischat org

Don't give up on yourself, I know that your mom hasn't given up on you. All I can say is if you were my son I would hope as hard as it may be, that you would open up to me and allow me to help you.

I'm not sure if anything I could say would help you, but I'll try.

The classic approach: seek professional help, facing your problems one at a time. Getting the depression under control first, then the anxiety. And whatever other issues you may have.


If you can't see yourself going that route, you should at least carefully think about your fatalistic approach.

Most people with suicidal depression take a long while to actually attempt suicide, 'cause they can't even find enough motivation to do that.

IF you happen to find yourself in a situation where you have the motivation and will to end it once and for all, consider channeling that energy in a more constructive attempt to change your life.

Take a job in New Zealand as sheperd, for instance; leaving behind the life you don't want to live anymore. Or become a peace corps volunteer in some messed up african country.


Or, you know, get drunk, stoned, or high on whatever may help reduce your anxiety and hook up with some attractive and equally intoxicated people.
See the liberating aspect of fatalism.

That bears the risk of screwing up really badly, but what's the worst that could happen?
At the end of the day, you're not going to kill yourself twice, are you?



One last point, remember the consequences. Hanging yourself is a pretty certain way to die.

Taking pills or cutting yourself a bit too deep is pretty bad, but still leaves the chance to change your mind and call an ambulance.

If you're hanging from a noose and suddenly happen to find an incredible will to live, well, too f*****g bad, you won't be found in time.
And if you're hanging yourself in the woods, chances are you won't be fit for an open-casket funeral when they finally find you either. That's harsh, but that's the truth. And you wouldn't want your loved ones face that consequences, as you said yourself.

I wrote a note to my mom
she said shes going to get me help
thanks for listening