First Time on Forum - advice

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Hi - would appreciate some people giving me some guidance - and sharing experiences - some positive tips.....

This is my first time on Wrong Planet - joined because had some recent interactions with people that have not gone so well - nothing new: struggeling to fit in with a group - finding my communication being out of synch - speaking before I think - giving the wrong signals - and not being sure how to deal with people who react to me badly. Foe example - being excluded from things, being treated as anoying or being kept at a distance.

Have worked so hard to try and resolve issues that might cause problems with socialising and working with other people. Often feel very isolated and currently feeling quite low.

Got diagnosed a few years ago - so have lived with condtion without knowing what it was. Currently feeling like I just can't seem to get it 'right'! ! And wish I had people to talk to who are similarly affected and who would understand. So here I am - first post - first forum....

How do other people manage with the isolation and desire to be part of things - has anyone managed to improve their social / career options after a late diagnosis? How do people manage the feeligs of rejection and seeing the reactions - responses - I feel like people just do not understand - I am articulate - inteligent - confident and i think kind - but always feel on the outside

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

In all seriousness, I was also diagnosed with "Asocial personality disorder" so I'm actually fine with not having a social life..
as for academics and career, I haven't started a 'career' yet, but I usually hate entry level jobs because they're almost entirely reliant on people skills (customer service and whatever).
Academically I'm perfectly fine, that's the one place I feel at home actually.

Even when I did have a group of friends I hungout with regularly I felt as though I was "on the outside".. and I know many others that are like that, without being aspies or anything else really.
It's quite common, I think it's just a symptom of getting older to be honest.

Hi, I'm new as well.

The way I deal with the isolation revolves around TV. I'll watch a show, and imagine myself in it, as a character. Not in a central role, but a recurring character with a few interesting storylines, which I write in my free time.

As for the desire to be part of things... well, that's a bit more complicated. I've always been forced into social situations, as I've only ever worked retail. As a result, I've developed strategies for dealing with people, sometimes good, sometimes bad. The worst was deciding that I should just be what someone wants me to be. It worked, but when you're a different person for everyone, then not only does your sense of identity begin to slip, but hanging with multiple people gets complicated. The best strategy I've come up with is to realize that everyone, every single person in every single place in every single world of every single multiverse is bizarre, weird, uncertain, and has self-esteem issues. Once you realize that, people are a lot less threatening, and you learn that it's okay to be a bit weird. I once spent a day at work with a coworker at the gas station talking like we were in a BBC sitcom, and you know what? The customers ate it up. Was it weird? Yes. It was also interesting. I got a girl's number because of that. She thought my English accent was pretty spot on for a yank. So if you want to be a part of things, just do what you want to do and ignore your anxiety. Easier said than done, no?

Hi there - its Asperger my diagnosis - not Asocial .... Disorder.

Have always felt on the outside - so not the age thing unfortunately.

Used to use TV as a way of feeling less isolated - but it is not a great substitute for real human contact - generally enjoy TV. But I would like a life that is more engaged with relationship rather than watching. It is not for lack of trying!!

I do have a lot of anxiety but I am not shy - that is something that I no longer experience thankfully as used to be painfully shy. Experience issues around physical contact - don't like being to close to people and find group dynamics - social politics and peoples hidden agenda's really confusing and hard to manage or respond to.

Wish people would be direct and open....

From NDRI.com - National Disease Research Interchange

Different Types of Personality Disorders

III. Antisocial personality disorder (sociopathic or asocial personality disorder) — impulsive actions; lack of guilt; failure to make loving relationships; failure to learn from adverse experiences.

Last edited by redrobin62 on 10 Mar 2013, 5:00 pm, edited 4 times in total.

I know the feeling. I remember I had these two friends who were sleeping together. However, nobody knew they were sleeping together. Which means, everyone knew they were sleeping together. And the guy was telling the girl he was five years older than he was, because he was 22 and she was 31 and he didn't want her to feel weird. So when I didn't see them together for a while, I asked another friend whether they were still seeing each other. She told the woman, and the woman comes and yells at me because "it's none of my business. He's 27 and could make his own decisions." I responded with "Wait... he's 22."

It's the hardest thing in the world to deal with the convoluted knots these people come up with. It makes no sense. I just deal with people as though they were me with any rationality stripped out. And if they like you, they like you. If not, you can do without friends that ridiculous. At the end of the day the secret core of these hidden agendas is "I want to feel good about myself and like someone loves me." The guy in that story didn't feel as though the woman could love him for him, so he lied to make himself seem more acceptable. They didn't want to tell anyone because she felt like we would judge her (He was a well-known Don Juan with a drug problem). She didn't feel like we would like her if we felt like he was the best she could do. That's the core of it. They don't feel like they're good enough. So if you look at them with a bit of pity and sympathy, it makes a bit more sense.

I'm sorry if it's not great advice, but that's all I got.

You are not alone. Many of us have never felt as if we "fit in", even with other misfits. I've always felt on the outside looking in, and I'm in my mid-fifties. To compensate, I make my own "inside" space with hobbies, books, games, and other interests. I'm resigned to always being on the outside; but not in a sad, fatalistic way. It's more like, "Since I'm not one of them, they have no hold over me, and I can be myself by focusing on my studies at uni, on self-improvement ever since, and to Hell with the In Crowd"!

So, welcome to the Land of Misfit Toys (a.k.a., "WrongPlanet")!